My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hello everyone,

Yes she is mad lol.  She has lost 2 pairs of shoes and no they are not in my handbag :-)   Had a lovely evening and a nice chat.  Also got to see the infamous Joey and Kat who are adorable and obviously have their mummy wrapped aroung their finger!!

Well I am up in Aberdeen and love my new office.  Judi was laughing at me but it is so posh.  I am such a snob lol.  My boss agreed that I could stay in the hotel suites attached to the offices and they are just amazing.  Think I will move in.  They are like little mini apartments with old fashioned concierge and the most amazing bathroom, living room and fully fitted kitchen - beats the travelodge that I stay in when I go to Falkirk!!!  I am up here until Wednesday and then back heading back.  Hope you are all okay and thinking of you Helen over the next couple of days.

Take care penguins.

Gayle xxx

Evening all , Judi losing your shoes is not odd seems normal to me !!! Glad you and Gayle at last managed to spend time together and Glad your enjoying Aberdeen Gayle .. Thinking about you Helen and hoping you get through these next few day ok , (((((hugs)))))))))))

Well after my busy weekend i was feeling quite good today but as always there is something ready to knock you down , Dad not good mentally , the op doesn't seem to have done anything to improve things and he had a major melt down this morning and said he couldn't go on like that and he was going to stop eating and taking tablets . Now if anyone knows my dad they'll know he;s not 1 to give in but he really is just fed up , we do our best but dont know what else to do to help him . Anyway i hope the ones thatare coming to charity day will get to meet him , he is usually so amazing but i think there is only so much one person can take , but i do sometimes have to remind him (gently ) that he is alive and a lot of other people would rather be where he is than where they are .. Sorry for the negativity ,, dam cancer

xxxxx Lynne xxxx

Oh Lynne, I'm so sorry that your dad is struggling so much. He has been so brave for so long, I can't imagine how it must feel to have to keep struggling. It is hard for you too, having lost your hubbie and now trying to rally round your dad.  There I was feeling sorry for myself when you have so much to cope with. I hope he starts to feel better soon. x

Have had a good few days but am feeling very confused. There are things I would like to talk to someone about but stuff that is very private, don't quite know who I could talk to about these kind of things, certainly not appropriate to talk to my family or to post on here. Oh, why is life so bloody difficult?

Love and hugs to all, Lesley xxx

Evening everyone,

I am sorry you had a bad morning Lynne.  Your poor dad has been through so much and its so unfair that this op didn´t help more.  I often remember Wully having days like that when he was very down because he was feeling so ill.  There´s not much you can do sadly except be there for him and looking forward to meeting him in July.

Helen, hope you are okay.  I have been thinking of you, Nat and Liam today and of course will be over the next few days. 

I am still up in Aberdeen but glad to be going home tomorrow.  I like it up here but used to only being away from home one night a week - 2 nights is too long lol.  I had to watch a web presentation this afternoon which was possibly the most boring 1.5hrs of my life.  Never mind I am off now to do some work but will check back later.

Gayle xx

Sorry Lesley we must have crossed posts.  Remember that we are all here individually to help each other.  I know there are things go on in my life that I wouldn´t post on here and can´t talk to my family about so I just message my agony aunt (Lynne) privately and it helps to chat to another penguin about situations that we all understand.  xxx

Thanks Ladies , hopfully its just a bad day for dad and he will be different tommorow .. As Gayle says Lesley we are all at the end of a pm or event he phone , and all secrets are safe . Gayle its been a pleasure to be your agony aunt (and very amusing sometimes lol ) xxxxxx

Thanks ladies!

Have just PMd Gayle, feels better to have got it off my chest, funny how sometimes just writing it or sharing it somehow helps. My problem is I think too much, you have heard of all talk no action, my problem is all thought no action!!!

At least my mood is up at the moment, better enjoy it while it lasts. x

Evening Penguins,  Lynne sorry to hear your dad not so good hopefully as you say, we just hope it's a down day i know how you feel as we have it with my dad as well he gets so fed up as he can't get out. Helen thinking of you and your family and sending you hugs. Judi it would be very nice for you and Gayle to meet up, you are a very busy lady Gayle how do you do it. Glad you like your new office sounds very posh.  Lesley hope you are ok and we are all here for you.Judi i do hope you have found your shoes. Ailsa you are also a very busy lady, i think i need some of your energy. I have had a friend in tonight for coffee. Work tomorrow then i have Charlie Thurs  work Fri Sat so all go i would rather be busy. Luv and Hugs to everyone Fiona xxxxxxxxxx

Evening everyone

Lesley I can only echo what has already been said, you only need to text or pm, I can lend an ear whenever needed xxx It definitely helps xxx

Lynne so sorry to hear your Dad is fed up but understandable, hopefully just an off day like you say xx

Well the night is passing, it has been a mad house here to be honest with phone calls, visitors and texts xxx A lot of them regarding Friday`s plans but also lovely friends checking up on me and offering company and thoughts xxx It hasnt been as bad as I thought but I really havent stopped until now so going to have a shower and hopefully sleep xx I slept much better last night. I know Paul wouldnt want me sitting here re living it all so trying not to but obviously my thoughts have gone to it occassionally xx

Thanks again to everyone here, I really do feel after tonight I will feel much better, Thursday doesnt seem a hurdle any more. Just more`the day` Tuesday and its nearly over.

Bug higs everyone

Helen xxx

Oh so glad Gayle and Judi finally met up, well done xxxx

Good to hear that you are doing okay Helen and surrounded by lots of supportive friends and family.  We are all here for you too and will help you through today and tomorrow. 

Lynne - laughed at you saying my pms are funny - better than Eastenders lol.

Lesley - I have pm´d you back but like the others say remember we are all here for each other no matter what it is that is bothering you.  I couldn´t survive without having Lynne or Judi´s ear to bend about my life. 

Remember that we also have the Penguins Only page on FB if there is anything anyone wants to post that doesn´t want it on their main FB page.  I was talking to Judi last night as Wully´s niece has sent me a friend request on FB and I don´t know what to do.  I think his family think I sit in black all day and not sure how they would take some of the jokey comments, etc that we all have on FB.  What do you all think?  I haven´t responded to it yet as I don´t know whether to or not. 

Anyway, I am off to do work now - I know I said that an hour ago but I´m easily distracted!  My insomnia has kicked in big time again the past few days so think I will sit up very late and then I know I will sleep.

Gayle xxx