My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Sending out lots of healing love and support to you all. Have tghe best day you can.

Ailsa, extra special angel hugs for you this weekend x x x

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

p.s. I went to see a medium this morning and wow it was busy in that room. It was full of loved ones, angels and pretty colours and flowers were in abundance too. Good job I took some tissues in with me lol.

I just want to add my hugs and special comfort for Ailsa and Helen for next week.  Patricia too and anyone else needing a hug right now.  Patricia what happened at the Medium? 

Just picking up the house a little, then I must go and do some errands before picking up BIL this evening.  I decided I will cook a roast of whatever is on sale today. 

I do want to add that this site has been so amazing for me.  Just to know you are all there for me is the most wonderful feeling.  Take care of yourselves.

love Bren

Bren, I will pm you to let you know.  I hope you have a good visit with your brother in law.

Ailsa, (((((angel hugs)))))) for this week end.

Helen, ((((((angel hugs)))))) for this coming week.

Manda, hope you are ok x x

Lynne, Gayle, Lesley, Judi, Teri, Dave, Rosemary, Sue, Fiona, Dorothy, Quill, anyone I missed? hope you are well.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Hi all

It is awful all these anniversaries coming up, I will be glad to get the firt year over with, surely it can't get any worse than it has been? I hope not. I think the 'firsts' rank in the top ten of awful things about life after. I even find stupid firsts hard, like the first time I went to B&Q without Colin. It always runs through your mind.... the last time I was here....

It was a nice surprise this morning to wake up to a bright blue sky and sunshine, we had been promised rain. I had a lovely day, a nice drive over the moors to Huddersfield. I am not so good at driving to places I don't know, so felt pretty proud of myself. Going to have a good clean tomorrow  and have Daniel over for the evening. Bought myself a sat nav today, just need to work out how to work the thing now!

Patricia how did your visit to the medium go?

Hope everyone has had a reasonable day. xx

Lesley, sorry hun but where are you to have to drive over the moors. I have a shocking memory.

The medium was good and my head is spinning with all she said.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Patricia, so pleased that the medium was good for you, are you up to sharing or do you need time to digest everything for a while?  I so want to see someone but I just feel it has to be the "right" person and I haven't felt that yet with anyone I have come across.  One lady at Olympia we saw said a couple of things that hit the mark, but she was also so very obviously good at reading people and saying the right things that it didn't mean so much, so I will continue the search until Steve sends me the person he wants I guess.

Little sis has just gone home, she comes over to watch Greys Anatomy with me as she doesn't have Sky so can't get the up to date series.  It's nice to have her over and everything but quite often it ends up with me waiting for her to go now as we either run out of conversation or she doesn't stop moaning about people, things or both.  Sam had been very down earlier and sis had also noticed so when I found out what it was - and not a very big thing after all - I told sis and then started saying that lunch time Sam and I had been talking through a lot of her stresses and then found I couldn't carry on as the lump in my throat was too much, so I just said "I can't talk about it now, it makes me cry" (It was that Sam was so upset because she just wants her wedding to be perfect but she says it can't ever be as she wants her dad to be giving her away.  We talked it through with lots of tears and sorted it, but I couldn't in the end go through it again).  So I thought we had forgotten that until about an hour ago when sis says "So what was it that you were going to tell me but it made you cry?"  You know that moment when you just think "Please go home now"  that was it.  Ah well, she means well. (I've always said if anyone ever says that about me then I will know for sure that I have just failed miserably!) 

Anyway just going up to bed and curling up with my book and maybe a small sip of something which might involve ice, wanted to look in on you all though and make sure my penguins friends are all ok this evening. Hugs to everyone and drawing the huddle closer together as the light fades and the stars come out, take care, sleep tight xxxxxx

Hi Everyone,

I know exactly that feeling Rosemary - my sister and I aren´t getting on great at the moment.  She keeps making comments about my parents babysitting and other stuff and I am now at the point where I just avoid her.  She knows the pain I have gone the past 5 years and should know better than anyone that it is a good thing that I am trying to make a new life for me and the boys but she just can´t.  She is trying for a baby and it isn´t happening (she is 41) and that is consuming her and while I am sympathetic I am still not passed the stage of being consumed with my own world.  I was moaning about the boys one day and she made some comment about her being desperate for kids and I shouldn´t moan.  And yes I probably was a bit insensitive but she is wanting a baby to make a perfect family with her partner - I am a young single mum trying very hard to raise 2 very willful little boys and it isn´t no walk in the park as you all on here appreciate.  I feel so sorry for Sam as I can imagine that the wedding day will be very difficult for her without her dad.  Is someone else special going to do it? Daniel?  I know its not the same though.

Patricia - glad you had a good reading with your medium - Lynne and I are very excited about John Edwards and hopefully he will pick one of us although it will be good just to watch.  I meant to say Manda if you and H want to meet us for a meal and we all go together?  I never realised you were going the same night but Lynne told me last week on the phone. 

Helen and Lynne - hope you have good nights tonight and I will be expecting to see the never agains in the morning or I will be very disappointed!!  Auntie Judes - where are you??? 

Ailsa - sending you special hugs.

Bren - hope you have a good couple of days with your BIL and the meal goes well.

I am just having a quiet night in and its great!  I had a mad cleaning spree today as haven´t done much the past few weeks because I have been so busy and tonight I will just watch some tv.  Tomorrow I am going to take the boys to the beach to where I scattered Wully´s ashes as it is 5 years since his diagnosis and I haven´t taken the boys yet to the beach. 

Take care and hugs to everyone

Gayle xxx (on stupid spanish laptop so having trouble finding punctuation!!!)

Rosemary I am happy to 'share' but not sure as I don't want to upset anyopne who doesn't believe in such things.

Hi everyone.  Just wanted to say thanks to everyone who has messaged me today before I go off to bed.  Went far too late to bed last night so still very tired but sure I will sleep better tonight if i get off soon.  I knew that once I got past 1:27 last night i would feel a little calmer and I do.  It is so incredibly sad to be a whole year without Chris but I have today stopped re-living the horrors of Chris's last days.  I have taken the kids out for lunch today as a thank you for staying with me last night.  I have bought some shelving for the garage job and a water feature to put beside the arbour seat that is going in Chris's bit of the garden this summer.  Tomorrow we have lots of flowers to take to the cemetery so I will be going with the kids to meet my mum & dad there at lunchtime.  Then they are all coming back to mine for some lunch.

Sue both my decision making and my memory are as bad as they have been since losing Chris so I hope things start to improve in that direction when I begin to catch up on some sleep.  I am sure things were a little better for me in the second half of January until I started to hit key dates in February.  If my brain improved once I am sure it can again.  Hope yours does as well Sue.

Lynne - hope Maddie's birthday went well.  I love the idea of you training your mum up to be your assistant Gayle.  Did you get to watch a dvd with Colin?  Rosemary, lots of ((((((hugs)))))) for Sam - I'm sure Daniel will do all he can to do a great job of giving her away for the big day.  I hope everyone else is okay this weekend.  I know I read posts from others including Lesley, Manda & Helen but tiredness is stopping me from remembering more for now - sorry.  Take care Fiona, Patricia, Bren, Teri, Dave, Dot, Quill & anyone else looking in.  Ailsa xxx

Morning everyone,

Just a quick note to say I have set up a FB group which I have invited you to join.  It just came into my head last night that we don´t have anywhere to post private things like upcoming events as I know this is an open forum and its not a good idea to have any very private details on here such as dates, addresses etc.  It will save time to organise things like hotels etc if we dont have to pm everyone.  This group is set as secret so won´t show up on any listings on FB and membership is by invite only so will be penguins only.  I hope thats okay and of course if there is anything you don´t want posted them please say.

Gayle xxx