My husband - Chris - died on the 2nd May 2009 because he had anal cancer. He knew he was going and we spoke about lots and lots of things before he died. That is why I am just not prepared for the huge amount of guilt I feel now. I feel guilty that the world hasn't stopped turning round even though he has died. I feel like everything should stop as a mark of respect. I also feel very guilty that he had to be so ill he had to die. What a cruel cruel thing it is to make someone so ill their body just stops working. I wasn't ready for him to go. I really really hope these are normal feelings because I must hang on to my sanity for the sake of my 3 children. I have never known sadness like I feel right now. I can't believe that I will not hear his voice or feel his touch again. We were married for almost 32 years and I have known Chris for 34 years - since I was 16. What happens now? Ailsa
Hi everyone. Thanks for the hugs - here is one from me. Save some bailey's for me, I fancy one when i go to bed but I am not going until after 1:30 so not for a bit yet. Becky is stuck on the motorway but I am hoping she gets here very soon. The rain has stopped so I feel a sky candle moment coming on. Helen take care. I have cried so much in the past few days but I am determined to try harder to be more positive tomorrow as my sad thoughts don't achieve anything. I want Chris to be proud of me. Rosemary thank you for your post - it makes plenty of sense to me. Take care everyone - I may pop on later as you all get me through so much and I don't know what I would be like if I hadn't found you xx
