My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

It looks like a beautiful day outside and I am contemplating walking into the town centre which normnally takes about 30 minutes. I am guessing that today might be a little longer due to the stupid knee. I do however need some exercise so I might just give it a go. I am going to try and get that book you mentioned Lesley so that I can put with the big pile of books I have accumulated to read when I can concentrate.

Lynne, I really feel for your poor dad. It must be so depressing for him. Happy birthday to Maddison. What a sweetie she looks.

Fiona, I hope your sister and your dad feel a little better. It is not easy having illness in the family is it.

Sue, I am praying that you are deemed indespensible by your employers and therefore retained. Good luck.

Gayle, I hope that you are feeling a little more rested now. It takes time though doesn't it?

Judi, I could just imagine you sat by the french windows with a coffee in your hands watching your 'boys' frollicking in the garden. The right place will come along in time. I just hope that you are available to buy it when that time comes.

Dave, Helen, Manda, Dottee, Quill, Teri and anyone I may have missed (mush for brains) I hope things are going ok for you although I do appreciate how hard it is.

I have just been talking to my friend who'se husband died on 1st April. She is struggling with all the legal paperwork and getting bogged down with it all. It is the first time she has said how she is really feeling in all the time since her husband Paul was diagnosed. I suspect she only let me know because she knows how I have been. It has brought home to me how hard it was at the begining and however hard I think it is now, it is nothing compared to then. I am not sure whether this is making any sense or not so I think i shall leave it there.

Love and angel hugs to you all x x x Patricia x x x

p.s. Lynne, Ailsa when are you free to meet up at Meadowhell? Just let me know.

Hi everyone

Judi the house sounds lovely, especially if you get a `feeling` about it x

Fiona, Ailsa and Bren you all sound sooo busy running round and having so many plans x

Lynne you lucky thing!! A few days in the sun!!

I had a good weekend then last night it was the last meeting for Paul`s fundraising night. They have all been so committed and organised planning everything so I am sure it will be a great night. I was fine until I got in the car to come home then the tears started and stayed until I fell asleep. If Paul was still here we wouldnt be doing this night and I cant believe the year is coming round sooo quickly!!! The planning for the night has given me something else to focus on but now the sadness of it all is hitting home x But hey, I ll just keep swimming as I have done for the past 12 months and I m sure we ll all get through it together as we have done over the past months xxx

Ailsa how are you feeling this week?? Thats why you re sooo busy again, I know you too well now lol!! xxx

Then at 4 am this morning Nat came in after having nightmares and got in with me. I couldnt get back to sleep then while she settled quite happily hee hee x She s got tonsilitis bless her and not feeling well today x

I havent been to the gym for a whole week either so going to be naughty and have pizza for tea later with Liam then back to it tomorrow. Lesley you sound like you re doing great with the gym!!

Off to check on the patient, probably be back later

Helen xxx

Helen, how about you get into the centre of this penguin huddle? I need someone to look out for so it will be a two way thing x x x

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Thanks Patricia xxx

Evening All,   Well my sister feeling better so i don't need to go to dad's tonight. I have just had a friend down for coffee tonight, she has been a good friend and has not missed a Tues night since Derek died except when she was on hols a true friend. I have not been sleeping that great as coming up to when Derek was diagnosed 6th May thought it would not be so bad this year as it's two years now but still in my mind as if it was yesterday.  Lynne i do hope you enjoy your break and your dad feels better soon. Helen hope Nat feels better soon. Sue i hope you get to keep your job. It's not been nice here today again it's been dry but very cold, where has the sun gone. Judi the house sounds lovely. Ailsa i hope you got home safe and well you have had a busy time. Well going to watch tv for a wee while then off to bed to hopefully sleep tonight. Luv and Hugs to you all. Fiona xxxxxxx

Hi everyone,

Well feeling a bit more normal today for the first time although still a bit down.  Think it is just because its back to reality and day to day life and of course the anniversary is looming.  I am thinking of you often Helen and Ailsa as I am starting to get upset about it already and I have 2 months to go.

Ailsa - slow down!!  Judi, hope the valuation goes well.  The move was a nightmare and if I ever see another box again lol although I was thinking at the weekend of moving again - think I am just unsettled again.  I am in Aberdeen Monday to Wednesday so would be lovely to see you.

Lynne - lucky you going to Benidorm - you will have a great time in the sun with your sis.  I could strangle mine at the moment but thats another story - everytime I speak to her she just nags me - avoiding her at the moment lol.

I have been looking at hotels for Gordon's fundraiser with Lynne and if anyone else is going can you pm me on FB and I will send you the details and we can get it booked up. 

Bug higs to all the penguins

Gayle xxx

Hi Gayle , glad your feeling a little bit more like your self hun and thank you for sorting the hotels out , where would i be without my very own PA .xxxx

No problem Lynne - if I can organise to travel from Madrid I can do anything lol.  Looking forward to it.  Hope Maddison had a good day x

Yes thank you she did , her mum and dad took her out for the day and she is having a little party on sat . xxx

Hello Lovely Ladies!  Had a lovely day in York on Saturday and met some great folk who I am sure will become firm friends... I know Lynne is working on getting us all into a big group, which would be fantastic! 

I can't believe I'm going to miss Gordon's night Lynne... Will be thinking of you though and it sounds like the 'Penguin Posse' will be out in full force for you. xx 

Ailsa, good grief hun... When do you sleep! xx

Helen (((hugs))) just keep swimming...Hope Nat is soon feeling better, and you are able to find a little bit of peace.. xx

Hope you enjoyed your night with your friend Fiona, sounds like she is a gem. Hope you get some sleep too. xx

Gayle, know I told you on FB, but WELCOME HOME!!! xx

Judes,  whatever you decide to do hun, hope it goes well. xx

Patricia, you are always the first to hand them out, so just wanted to send you lots of angel hugs - and to let you know that I've looked at train times and prices and I'd be up for a day at 'Meadowhell' too if  you'll have me... xx

Got my 'beast' back at home again, which is lovely... She spends so much time just lying on my feet asleep - that way she knows if I try and go anywhere! It's nice to know she is looking out for us though. And good for my activity levels, 2 x 30 min walks a day (well most days) has to be good for me!

Well, just got back from H's meeting with the 'Oxbridge' addmissions people. I always thought it was way out of our league, but it looks as though it could be a real possibilty for her to think about... It was very interesting to hear how it all works! Her Dad would be so proud... Also took her to the Docs today as she has had yet another 'funny do' - thats 5 this year now - so they are sending her for blood tests etc... Think it will just be 'one of those things' but always better to be safe than sorry.

Sue, Leslay, Bren, Rosemary Dave & anyone I have missed, hope you are all as Ok as you can be.

Much love, Manda xx