My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

FormerMember over 15 years ago

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My husband - Chris - died on the 2nd May 2009 because he had anal cancer. He knew he was going and we spoke about lots and lots of things before he died. That is why I am just not prepared for the huge amount of guilt I feel now. I feel guilty that the world hasn't stopped turning round even though he has died. I feel like everything should stop as a mark of respect. I also feel very guilty that he had to be so ill he had to die. What a cruel cruel thing it is to make someone so ill their body just stops working. I wasn't ready for him to go. I really really hope these are normal feelings because I must hang on to my sanity for the sake of my 3 children. I have never known sadness like I feel right now. I can't believe that I will not hear his voice or feel his touch again. We were married for almost 32 years and I have known Chris for 34 years - since I was 16. What happens now? Ailsa

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hi Libby

Hope you got some sleep xxx

Some day you can tell us about the last 18 months when you are ready xxx Perhaps do it in your profile, that`s where my mine is.

As for paper work I started off really well when Paul first died, think I was a bit numb. Left it for last week or so. I was advised to first cancel any benefits he was getting and find out what you`re entitled to. You can get a bereavement grant for £2000 and widowed parent allowance due to having the children. I`ve also got discount on my council tax for single occupancy. I`ve started ball rolling to get mortgage paid off and informed tax and bank of Paul`s death.

Just do it a bit at a time, write a list maybe.

We`re all here if you need any help

Helen xxx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hi Helen,
As you can see is late again. Thank you so much for some info.
Slowly I am getting there...I still waiting for the widowed parent allowance.
Did you already get it?
Do you have to sort out the probate too? I got my council tax discount too.
It is very strange and sad when the post come with Paul's name on it.
Even on Friday when the lady at the post office asked me to sign the document by my husband.
I nearly burst into tears.
Well hopefully want happen again.

Libby xxx

Ps: Sorry about my English but this is my second language maybe that's why I have difficulties to write
all that what happened to Paul. It would takes me ages to put all that together. Maybe one day I would rather tell you about that.

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hi Libbie

Yeah I think some of the allowance should have gone in to my bank by now. Just waiting for tax credits to sort themselves out. I am hoping it won`t have to go to probate, sorting a lot of it myself.

Weather has been lovely here and spent most of the weekend in the garden but have felt lonely when my son and daughter have been out but not really wanted to go out myself. Need to start planning something with friends I suppose. Going in to work tomorrow ro discuss returning. Will let you know how I get on

Bye for now

Helen xxx

P.S I can understand you perfectly Libbie xxx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Good evening Helen & Libby. Firstly - I have had a lovely time at Becky's. It was lovely to see her, the weather has been great and we did lots of things for her in her garden. I also used my van to go and get a fence panel that would not fit in her small car. It was the first time my younger daughter had been to Becky's latest house so that was good too.

Libby - like Helen I have no trouble understanding you on here. I can understand why you are having trouble doing a profile though if English is not your first language - it will wait for now. The bits and pieces you put in your posts are enough for now. When I registered Chris's death I was given a very useful booklet called 'What to do after a death in England or Wales'. I have found it a big help. It is a booklet from the Department of Work and Pensions and you can get a copy from any job centre plus if you didn't get one with Paul's death certificate. My children are not young enough for me to get some of the benefits that Helen has mentioned so Helen is the best person to tell you about them. If there is anything I can help with don't hesitate to ask. Because of my distress at Chris's death I have thrown myself into the paperwork a little too much sometimes but it means I have found out some useful things. I don't know anything about probate yet though. Chris left a will and so far no-one has asked me for anything other than death certificates or copies of his will. However I have just received a letter this weekend asking me about probate. I will find out about it tomorrow so if I find anything that might help you I will make sure I post it on here. Take care of yourself Libby and make sure you get some sleep as having 2 small children must be very hard at this time.

Going away for the weekend was good but I miss Chris even more if that is possible now that I have returned to an empty house. None of this feels right and now I need to go and unpack and prepare to go to work tomorrow. That is not going to be easy. I already think tomorrow is going to be a bad day. I hope your trip into your work goes okay tomorrow Helen.

Speak to you both soon. Love from Ailsa x

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Good Evening ladies
Don't want to interrupt but you were talking about probate adn I thought I might be able to help. You need to apply for Grant of Probate if your husband has more than £5000.00 or stocks and shares. If you got to www.direct.gov.uk you will find lots of helpful info. Its something you can do for yourself and doesn't take too long. I lost my Rich on 5th March and I'm just waiting for the last payout.

Sheila

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Thank you Sheila ,Helen ,Ailsa

I spend hours on that website about probate .applying for Grant of probate. Still I am not sure which paper to feel in. I think Ailsa was right I must get some sleep...........
Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.
Too late again
Thanks to you all
Libby X

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Good morning. Thank you for the link Sheila. I have had a look and still think I don't need to apply for probate as Chris didn't leave a big estate and most insurances have not required probate. I will ring these last ones who have asked about it today and see if it is necessary. I am very sorry to hear of your loss. I had a look at your profile and it looks like your husband was diagnosed about the same time as Chris (Dec 07). It seems like such a long time ago now.

If I still don't need to get a grant of probate that will be no help to you Libby but if I need to do anything about it and find anything out I will let you know. One thing you could try is to start a discussion about it on here as there are a lot of knowledgeable people on here and someone will pick up on the post and help I am sure.
Here is hoping for a better day for us all. Ailsa x

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Morning everyone

Good luck today Ailsa, we must speak later to compare notes xxx

Sheila thanks for that link, like Ailsa I haven`t been asked for probate yet but have been worrying when I`ve seen what the solicitor charges if it goes to probate! Will be better if I can do it myself if needed.

Have a good day everyone

Helen xxx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Dear Helen and everyone
when my dad died 6 years ago I did the whole probate thing without solicitors. It's very tedious as far as form filling etc goes, but if I could do it, anyone can! (Just as well - I have to do it again now that my husband has died.)
best wishes to all
Sue x

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hi Sue

Thanks for that, sorry you have to do it again xxx

When my mum and dad died there wasn`t an issue with probate (not a lot to deal with sadly), I think I`m nearly there now, just a few bits to tie up

Helen xxx

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My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?