My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Morning girls - I have no words that can take away the pain you are feeling through your memories.......nor can I fully understand what you are describing - I have yet to make that journey (and no desire to do so yet - selfish or what?).  So all I can offer you all is a big big (((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))) to try to comfort you all..........Percy and me are ready for duty patrolling the outside of the huddle...... and providing I don't fall off the ledge you're in safe hands.......

You are all in my thoughts...........Love and more comforting ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Morning everyone and bug higs ((((())))))

Ailsa and Sue yes May is going to be here soon,think the fundraising night is more on my mind which is a good thing and friends aranged at Paul`s funeral to meet in the pub on 6th May so thats what we re doing too xx A few drinks in his memory xxx

I have had a really up and down week but felt yesterday was a bit of a turning point. Not sure why  but decided I really do need to think about me!! I promised Paul I would carry on and I havent really done that well enough so now I need to put a plan into action. Just not sure what yet lol!!! My friend at work did my Angel cards yesterday and they all came up with similar thoughts so last night instead of sitting in I went out, last minute thing but had a good night. Going shopping today and seeing a friend tonight.

Lynne I m sure our 3 and 4 year olds are better behaved than your young man, well done though. Hopefully he might benefit from your experience and advice.

Gayle might have to stay longer if this ash doesnt calm down, sounds like she s having fun xx

Have a good Saturday everyone, catch you all later

Helen xxx

Hello everyone

Just a quick post.  Stranded in Tenerife as our flights are cancelled.  I am now travelling back on Monday night to Manchester on my own and my parents and the boys are returning a week on Monday with our original airline.  I had to pay 400 to get home and we didn´t want to pay that for all of us, plus I need to get back to work and I think I would go mad spending another week here.  Its been good but a week is long enough - too much time to think.  Hopefully the next time I post I will be home!  Sending big sunny hugs to all penguins with dates looming - I am thinking of you all and lovely to see your positive post Helen.  Good luck Lynne with the house and whatever you decide - sounds like you have had a stressful week.

Gayle xx

Afternoon all , i've text Gayle so i'll just say HURRY UP HOME WE'VE MISSED YOU XX and i hope you get home tommorow xx Well ive completely changed my mind from this morning (whats with all this undecidedness ) i'll pm you all over the next day or so as i dont want to give to much personel info out on here lol .. Just geting reaady to go tea with my son and family , sorry its a quick one i dont know what planet i'm on . hope everybody is ok , i feel i'm hogging this thread please please post ladies and dave i want to hear what your doing , take my mind of what i'm doing lol

take care

Lynne xxxxxxxx

you all seem to have such busy lives, I am at home again alone for the weekend the family problems are just getting worse and I am not coping. Thay are trying to keep it all from me so as not to upset me. But I am not deaf or blind I know the intentions are good but I am hurting .

Hi everyone - desk is back in place, computer tidied up (all wires now VERY nice and neat thanks to Dad) at last I can type and see what I am doing at the same time ..... no that does not mean that there will be no typos!!

Teri, so sorry hun that things are still so troubled.  As you say, they are only not telling you to try and keep you from worrying ..... but it doesn't work like that does it.  Huge hugs hun.

Lynne, pm soon, I am desparate to know what is going on in that brain of yours.... which Plan are we up to now ....... H?  J?

Gayle - what are you like ..... we want you home!!  I am assuming that there is not a problem with the hotel for your mum and dad and the boys to stay on longer?  Hope it goes a bit smoother from here on in.  Are you bronzed and gorgeous??

Dottee, have felt very saf in the knowledge that you and Percy are patrolling ... have you bumped into Napoleon on your way round - I know that he is permenantly looking after us too. 

HAve been out for lunch with mum and dad and managed to be brave enough to try and explain to them that it is actually easier if people aren't always encouraging me to get  out more and if they could stop being worried if they see me looking a little out of sorts it would make it far less stressful for me and I wouldn't have to try and keep a big smile on my face all the time  - which just ends up with me hiding away for ten minutes so that I can have a wee weep before I slap the smile back on and go 'and face my public'  lol!!  I think that maybe finally I managed to explain a little better and it might make things more relaxed!

Ah ha!  Found a way of getting a clue to what's been going on whilst I reply!  Instead of doing a "quick reply" (which it never seems to be anyway) I have clicked on Judi's "Reply" button (yes you all have one but she was last on the thread tonight so I used hers), sooooo that means I can gets some prompts... ok I can cheat.

Ha ha everyone I know what Lynne is dilemmaring about and we have asked the angels but, of course, I won't tell you as it is her personal dilemma and I will leave it for her to divulge later (says she smiling like a Cheshire cat), however if she is still in a quandry later I have suggested a pow-wow round the camp fire so I will go and light it now and get the jacket spuds cooking, start the cocoa simmering in the cauldron and await the rest of you... well I'll finish this message first.

Gayle poor you stuck in the ash cloud!  Bet the boys think it's great though staying on with the grandparents for longer?  Oh and somewhere back a few pages I think you asked if I had asked the Angel cards about Sam and Wayne and the wedding etc, to be honest I am too frightened of what they may say.  I did ask them a long time ago before he came home from the army and got "Things aren't what they seem, look deeper into this situation" which has sort of resolved itself now but did worry me a lot at the time as it underlined my worries.  Now what would I do if I got similar and can't do anything about it (she loves him!) and we've already started putting deposits down on things, so I'm a bit of a coward on that one.

Judi, you summed us all up there I think where we hide away with our tears and then slap on the smile and face the public.  Glad you were able to talk it through and get your parents to understand, it's harder knowing they are only trying to look after you etc but they don't realise how much harder it becomes trying to put on the brave face for everyone else do they.  Trouble is we all do it so well there aren't many people that actually know that under the surface we're all paddling like h**l to just keep afloat (and all those that do know just happen to be penguins!).

Ailsa I am so looking forward to meeting you and just wish I could steal you away down here now to help you cope with your upcoming sadiversary.  The onnly thing is that wherever you are and whoever you are with it still stays in your head doesn't it?  I know that on "the day" in January this year I did think a lot of this time last year thoughts but no-one else seemed to be aware (of course I'm sure a lot of them were also remembering just not saying), and then I was glad to find myself alone as the actual time came around (Sam was upstairs resting and Daniel was out somewhere) so I was able to actually go through it all in my head and weep like I couldn't at the time.  Please know that you can phone, text or even turn up on the doorstep if you need to, a hug is waiting xxx

Dottee you are such a love, how are all your aches, pains and bruises now?  You and Percy are proper little soldiers and we hold you very dear, Alan too of coure xxx

Patricia how are you feeling now, it must feel stragne all over again to be settling down at hom, but good too being back where you belong.  Did you keep a diary to put with all your photo's?  If not then you can always copy and paste from here can't you?  Hope you make the meet up with..... umm the other two (see I get lost with all the plans too!)

Bren love big hugs to you all the way over there.  It is hard but try going out a little bit at a time with friends you trust and feel comfortable with and you will find that you can enjoy yourself and even get to look forward to it - but keep it on your terms, they do tend to try and swamp you, the dear friends always want to make it go away and help you"get over" things.  Bless them.

Sue, always good to hear from you, you are an important part of this huddle you know.  Helen, Dave, Lesley, Julie and all the others I have missed lots of love and hugs to you.

Glad you enjoyed the video of Dave on FB, he got so cross with that little bird and just couldn't seem to figure that he wasn't going to catch it.  The bird almost seemed to be teasing him!  The funny thing was as I told Samantha that someone asked if I thought it was a sign, so we said maybe it was I didn't feel it so much, then I said I could imagine Steve saying "I'm not a tit!" (The bird is a long-tailed tit) At which point Sam fell about laughing and said "Remember the time he got the peas stuck up his nose? I said he was a tit and he was really upset and said 'I'm not a tit!' "  (Don't ask me why he had peas up his nose, it really was one of those moments!!!!)  Sign or not it brought back a happy memory and made us laugh, brought back another one later on when I retold it to Daniel and he remembered more silly things his dad did.

Going to post this now as can't remember what else I was going to say - it will all come back to me once I close down.  Sending you all love and hugs, have a good evening xxxxx

Evening All, Well laptop still ok, so Kim has cracked it and got rid of all the virus's. What is everyone up to tonight? I am just watching Britains got Talent. Darren off out to his pals. We have had another nice day but not so warm today a cool breeze. My niece's boy has a American exchange who should have flown home today but he is back to stay with them as no flights till Tues they think he is happy enough though. Iwas working today it was very busy so day passed quickly. I have nothing planned for tomorrow but suppose there will be plenty to do in house to keep me busy. Sending hugs to everybody. Fiona xxxxxxxxxxxx   

Evening girls

Had a lovely sunny day here today - really warm with enough breeze to get all my washing dry!!  Woo-hoo!!!!  Hope you've all had similar???

My eye is back to normal and my aches and pains are diminishing rapidly - though I live in dread of something else happening to blight the start of my retirement.........but............ until it happens I'll just keep soldiering on......

There was a clash of beaks earlier so I think that Percy and Napoleon must have passed the time of day - '...ten minutes to ten and all's we-e-ell...' I'm not tempting fate and am staying well away from the edge of the ledge......

Love and many more comforting ((((((((hugs)))))))))))

Dot xxxxxxxxxx

Napoleon sends heartfelt apologies - he was in a rush to get to the bathroom; he thinks that his fish was a bit off tonight.

sorry!!