My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Evening everyone

Breaking the un written rule of posting after a few vinos!! Had a lovely night with friend, nice meal and few drinks. Will fill you in on Wendy tomorrow

Night all

Helen xxx

Just a very quick one before I leave for work - I promise I will catchup with everyone's news tonight or tomorrow.  Sue, what a lovely, lovely gesture to come and do your garden, people's unexpected kindness never fails to amaze me.  Rosemary and Ailss, delighted that you have arranged to meet - Gayle, I know you must be just about off to Tenerife but I think we should set ourselves a challenge - to try and meet in Aberdeen before Ailsa and Rosemary do!!!  Third time luck heh Hun??

Sending everyone special Friday hugs - specially you and your family Lynne - Judi xxxx

Right are you all sitting comfortably???

I ll begin...lol

She started off by asking about August, but there are no bdays,anniversaries etc. She said she had a man who had passed away was giving me a ring and mentioning August, maybe a holiday. She then said December/January and did I have a son? Liam s bday is December, this man who has passed over was watching over him as son is sensitive and doesnt really want to talk but he will be ok the man will `sort` him out in a good way. So I m not to worry about him. There is going to be a wedding or get together in London or down South.She asked did I have friends or family down there which I do. A lady will contact  me to make arrangements. Work is going to settle down after April and a pay rise will come but will have to wait for it to be back paid.

She asked who was a teacher, I said I wasnt a teacher but worked in school/with children...next 12 months will be focused on work, all good. She mentioned Jack..my doogy lol and who was Pauline (thought she was going to say Paul lol) Pauline is a friend. I m going to do exams and better myself.

She asked who the man was who used to have a moustache and a lovely smile, I said my husband. Thats where it all went downhill!! She went on about husbands work, him waiting for something to be sorted. I said I couldnt understand that, didnt want to ruin her show lol!! She asked who the Gemini was ...me!!! This year is going to be good for me but next year even better, more money into the family and a big holiday next year

Anyway its a bit of fun isnt, some rang true.

Lynne thinking of you all today xxxx Rosemary your in laws sound like mine, would never tell us anything that would worry us. Hope the tests are ok xx

Jealous of all these meetings, we will have to try and plan something for the summer maybe xx

I m off to see the 2 specialists today who asked me to meet them regarding the head and neck cancer research who we are fundraising for from Paul`s charity night. Not sure what it will be like but Liam and Nat want to come with me too xx

Back to work Monday so enjoying last few lazy mornings, have a good day everyone

I had a lovely night last night with a friend, we had a lovely meal and a few drinks.

Helen xxx

Lynne

lots of hugs today, hope you get through it as well as you can

love Bren

Lynne,

bug higs for today for you, dad and your sisters.

Sorry , helen, did I mention that i have another week yet before going back to the madhouse...............

Love to all

sue xx

Morning everybody 

Thank youfor all my hugs , i must have had more than my fair share , but i got lots of hugs to give if anyone wants one ?? The worstbitof the day is over( i think ), i was dreading going to see dad today , he doesn't hide anything and if he gets upset he gets upset , where as i try and hide my tears , but it wasn't that bad . I had bought a little bible ornament to put in her memory garden and when i'd got there one of my sisters had put the very same one there , great minds think alike .. Dad is aswell as can be expected and hopefully he'll get lots of visits from his grand children through the rest of the day .. I was alright this morning untill i saw what my sister had put on face book . She'd put a message to mum and then a message to her sisters who she said would be feeling as crap as she does , i couldn't have put it better my self , but i just lost it then as it bought back so many memories of how the 3 of never left mums side for her last 10 days as we nursed her at home , it was very very hard but it was what she wanted so we're proud of each other fo having the strength to do it . Anyway thank you all where would i be without you .Good luck with your meeting today Helen , and yes lets try and sort something out soon for another big meet xxxxxxx

Evening!!

Sue it is your turn to gloat lol!! My hols are nearly over, booo!! Enjoy the rest of yours. How long is your mum staying for? You could write a book lol!!

Lynne well done on getting through today xxx Another one done eh? xx

Well after getting delayed getting to the hospital due to the Grand National!! All the roads were closed, aarrghh!! I met 2 lovely men. Calm down girls lol!! They were very pleased I had chosen their research to donate to as not many people think of head and neck cancer charities. They gave me some idea of what they re doing and asked all about Paul.They asked if there was anything they could do to help towards the evening and had I done this kind of thing before?.....No..lol!! They kept saying how brave I was, its not brave is it? No choice lol x Anyway one of them is hoping to come to the evening to give a bit of an introduction which I was really surprised about but pleased. All depends on his diary obviously. Then after the event they will arrange to do a photo with the cheque.

One of the things I found interesting is that they now think a lot of cancers, especially head and neck are started virally so they are working on a vaccination against it. Frustrating as it is too late for all our lovely ones but hopefully some people will benefit from this soon xx

Glad I went and pleased the night will be for a great cause

Helen xxx

Wow Helen lots to write about.  The medium sounded good, shame she tried too hard and lost it though, but as you say take it with a pinch of salt and have fun with it.  The two research guys sound interesting, wouldn't it be wonderful if they could find something to help fight cancer, even if it is too late for our people then at least it could save others.

Lynne hope your day is winding down now and hasn't been too bad, glad all the hugs have kept you going.

A race to meet is it Judi?  You nearly had me on the next train north just to get there first :-)) 

My eyes are settling down now and I don't look too scary, although I have noticed there is a fine rash all over my face so looks like I might have to avoid all Elemis products, which is a shame as I have always liked their stuff when we go to the spa.  Mind you I think I will also avoid the spa we went to this week anyway, the girl who did the massage (and the facial as it happens) was lovely and did a fantastic job without nattering on as some of them do.  We had lunch and then I was booked for a manicure and Liz had a pedicure (you'd love Liz I'm sure), the girl was ok but was one of those that kept talking, Sam trained to do this and she was always told you talk and put people at ease but you don't start talking about your personal life or asking personal questions.  Well we did the usual stuff about having a treat and maybe next year before the wedding, Sam's fiance was in the army but left now, oh her boyfriend is in the Royal Marines..... it went on and on and on from there, the best bit was when she said about him going to Iraq and we were talking about Sam worrying about her ex when he was there but this girl (in her innocence) said "Oh I meet so many people in this job and talk to them that I think I have learned a lot about bereavment and if it happened I think I could cope, so I don;t worry"  I just looked at her and thought little do you know young lady and I hope you don't have to find out.  Tried to steer the non stop, ever careering onward conversation on to safe subjects but no... "What does your partner do?" she asked, my heart sank, I bit my lip and..... I lied. "He's retired"  Did she leave it at that?  Oh I wish, no he must have been a lot older than me then as I didn't look old enough to retire.  Steered it away again but she came right on back "So what did your partner do before he retired?"  Can anyone tell me why I get them?  I've never before had all these questions about Steve when he was alive, is there something about me now?  The day before Steve's funeral I went to the hairdressers and the mindless girl there (also a mindless chatterer) actually said "So, do you have a husband?" - wow was she embarrassed when I told her, but she still recovered herself and nattered on again five minutes later. Am I just oversensitive do you think, or maybe I should just wade in at the beginning and blurt it all out and have peace and quiet for the rest of the session?

Sorry I've been rambling there haven't I?  It's my unravelling brain at this time of night, that and the fact I'm worrying about Sam marrying Wayne, I really don't know if I like the boy, he doesn't make it easy to get to know him, often doesn't even say hello when he comes in just goes upstairs with her, the other day he did that, then they went to bed early and they went out for breakfast (there was stuff in the fridge here) and although Sam came into the kitchen to say goodbye he just went out.  Is it me again or is this odd, even for someone who is shy (a shy squaddie, is that odd??)  Had to put down a deposit on the reception venue today so whatever happens she's marrying someone - is Brad Pitt free yet?

Sorry girls (and Dave if you are with us tonight) I shall post this (maybe I shouldn't you'll be sending the white coats round soon) and take myself off to bed, shall I have a Baileys?  Oh decisions, decisions......

Lots of love to you all, hugs and special thoughts for you, I think I will patrol the outside of the huddle tonight, far too wired to relax and be cuddled in the middle, I shall guard the perimeter fence!  xxxxxxx

Well Rosemary the thought of you patroling the perimiter fence is making me smile and i'm expecting Sue to come up with a picture of this lol.. No i dont think your being over sensitive , i dont know if you remember i had a bit of a run in with a hair dresser just after i lost Gordon , they just dont think . When i was talking to Patricia once i told her i found it difficult to answer some questions when i met some one new and she gave me a great lesson on how to avoid answering . She told me to answer a question with a question about them , well she was testing me one night on face book chat , she asked me a question and i answered her , she said "you fool you wasn't supposed to answer what have a told you ? " It was very funny , but i do put that into practice all the time now .Thanks Patricia xx Helen the 2 men sound very nice and i do hope 1 og them makes it to the charity night . As you can see by my F/B picture i am very bored and restless tonight too so i will be joining Rosemary on the perimiter .... Left right left right trip oops xxxxx

xx