My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hi Lesley , so glad you got cat face sorted out , what a worry these pets are . Thank you for saying that Lesley  xxxxx

Hi All,  Hope you are all ok this Easter weekend, i am just watching tv tonight just had a friend in for a coffee as well. We were very busy in the shop today so nice to see the summer stock getting away although weather not good. Lesley i thought your post about what your counseller said is very true, it is very hard to think we will  be on our own and we do miss the company in the house etc. Lynne i do hope your dad gets on ok on Tues, and it would be hard for you today packing up Gordon's drums, i still have done nothing with Derek's things. Helen i hope you have a good night out with friends. Well i am off to watch Casualty then early night. Hugs to all Fiona xxxxxxx 

Just a quick hello from Newfoundland, weather is good here, a bit chilly on the water but nice and sunny.  I haven't had a chance to read all the posts, just a quick scan.  I see some of you are having a tough time this weekend and that is exactly why I am here, cannot stay home for holidays and long weekends.  I have to be away and busy right now.  I am having a nice visit with my cousin and have some good photos to post on fb when I get home, exhausted I am sure.  Sending lots of hugs for now.

Bren

Evening everyone,

Well I am being very good tonight and that is me home at 11.30 from my night out!!  Had a lovely night with an old friend I used to work with and she had got in touch when Wully died.  We went for a nice meal and a few drinks.  Lesley - rough as in hungover/tired.  I was out last night and had 4am bed so extremely tired tonight and was feeling slighty queasy earlier lol but that has passed.  The kids are at my parents but I will pick them up first thing and maybe do some egg rolling with them so off to bed now to hopefully get a good sleep which I am pretty certain I will.  For about the past 3 weeks I have kept going and going and keep saying to myself I can catch up another day on sleep but that day hasn't arrived yet so hopefully tonight I will get a bit of catch up.  I hate being tired though as that is when I get emotional and fighting it hard at the moment.  Roll on my week in Tenerife next Sunday - think it will do me the world of good to get away from work, life, everything and just relax.  Maybe help clear my head and make what I actually want in life a bit easier to fathom out as my head is just spinning at the moment.

Ailsa, your counsellor sounds fantastic and seems to have tuned into you very well and how you are feeling which should be a good sign that she is good at her job.  I really think you will benefit from your sessions.  And you Lesley - your group had some sound advise and I liked the bit you explained about the "new" Lesley. 

Judi - my lovely judi - please know that I am holding your hand right now xx

Lynne, Helen, Sue, Patricia, Dot, Amanda, Fiona, Dave, Bren, Teri - hope you are all doing well and so sorry if I missed anyone - my brain is tired lol.  Have a good Easter Sunday.

Gayle xxx

Good morning my lovely, warming cuddling penguins.  I believe that maybe I am coming out of my 'moment' again.  I have been with you every day (mostly four of five times!) but have had that "I'm not going to type because I will start crying thing" going on. 

Who on earth knows what brings us down so unexpectedly ... I suspect that it being the holiday weekend and mum and dad's trip being postponed didn't help and (excuse me here Dave) not quite as monthly as they used to be, more like "oops it's been a couple of months now - we really should give Judes some HUGE cramps and send her hormones and emotions rocketing agin!  Anyway, had a few days where missing the person I genuinely liked best in the world seemed to get on top of me - but am much better now.  You guys really have no idea how much you mean to me when this happens.  It is as if I can see you all there surrounding me but letting me work through it, not getting fed up with me cos I am not being 'fun' at the moment (I do appear to have a few 'fair weather friends' here that seem to find it unbelievable that I should still get so down!)  Sue - I was that flat out penguin! only I think I was probably lying on the floor having tantrum.  Hope you and the girls are ok.

Lesley, like Fiona, what your counsellor said made SO much sense to me.  Bren I think you are obviously a very wise person to have realised so soon how upsetting holiday weekends can be and removing yourself from the situation and taking yourself to somewhere different.  I hope that you are enjoying the visit. 

One thing I have been wondering, much like Lynne, is if it is time for me to change my home.  Although I love the 'look' of my flat I have noticed that if I come in after having a nice time, I often feel a bit down.  So although no decisions made I have started looking what sort of thing is available in my price range - taking into account my work and the need to walk home and see to the dogs at lunchtime - this does place a few additional criteria into the mix! 

Was all settled for another miserable day yesterday when my dog walking chum asked me to to go to a small town quite near to look for a very specific pair of trousers - well we didn't get those but I bought a colourful dress for my holiday with Boy and then when I go thome another friend (see I do have some good ones too!) phoned and we went for THREE (yes, Gayle and Lynne, just three) drinks and just as I was going to bed at 11.45 the phone went and it was Boy on his way home from work just to tell me all about his week and to say that he is really looking forward to us going away -ah bless.  So today much better thanks.

Rosemary - way to go you re the outfit ...... and most importantly with the hat - photos please!!  Your garden sounds fantastic. My head is whirling at all that is happening down with you, new house, wedding to plan, gardens to see to ........... phew.  Fiona, thank you again for the lovely card - my penguins have been smiling at me - glad that you have enjoyed your work this weekend, when I worked for Alexon (a lifetime ago!) I used to love it when the new stock came in.

Gayle when you are on holiday I want to hear that you have had eight hours sleep a night - so says Staff Sargeant Taylor! (no, nice Auntie Judes is on leave, you have the drill sargeant to deal with for a while!)  And YES, YES, YES we are going to see each other next time you are here.  Ailsa, like the others I am so happy that you appear to have found a helpful counsellor ..... and I want to know what the cunning plan is too!  Hope that you are having a lovely time with Bex and Declan.  And just remember which School of Mothering you and I went to!!! 

Lynne my sweetheart, I too find you one of the most uplifting people I have met so hang on in there.  Three sets of drums!!!!! No wonder you didn't think that caravan was any good - you would never fit everything in!.  Well done you for even starting to sort those kind of things out - so very 'motional.  Loved your photos of Kim's night -- and very glad to so that you didn't fall off any chairs when settling into the 'North pose!'  Hope everything goes okay with dad this week.

Lesley, glad that the vet (shhhhhh, Joey might hear and hide!) thinks there is nothing too drastically wrong with 'the Ungrateful One' and yes, anything and everything to do with vets costs a fortune. 

Helen hun, I hope you and your new hairdo enjoyed the party.  I sent the sunshine down, hope you like it.  What is all this talk of grass-cutting you and Rosemary!!!!!! I am still waiting to get rid of the last remnants of snow!  (Well that may be a slight exageration but not far from the truth).

So anyway, as I am sure I have used up my alloted amount of space on today's page - you know we are not too far from 5000 posts! - I will sign off for now.  But have no doubt that I will be back later today, until then have a lovely Easter Sunday everyone.

Judes - P.S. thanks again for helping me hold onto my sanity. xxxxxxxxx

Wow Judi and Rosemary what posts!!! Take a breath now lol xx

Judi glad you re feeling brighter and you have had some nice unexpected things to do. What would we do without our friends xxx

Rosemary hope your outfit is the one. What a bargain!!

I woke up to sunshine but it seems to be trying to escape again lol!! I am taking Liam and Nat out for lunch or maybe tea when they finally get up!! Going to Paul`s grave too, see if I can squeeze some flowers in. Mum in law always goes so always lovely fresh flowers there and its only one vase by his stone, I ll fit mine in somehow!!

Yes I had a great night, a few drinks followed by bit of singing and dancing!! Finished a bit sadly as friend`s Dad got taken into hospital so he had to go to be with him. Hopefully he ll be ok x

Gayle hope you got some sleep last night and that Manda got her packing done yesterday.

Lesley glad the vets visit wasnt too painful.

Fiona, Lynne, Ailsa hope you have a good Sunday whatever you do and everyone else of course. Dont eat too much chocolate!!

Helen xx

Morning (just ) all

Judi so so glad to have you back , its you thats uplifting hun i missed you xx Hope your ok now and i'm sure its too much happening at once that set you back , your parents not coming and the holiday its to much for anyone .. I hope you come to the right decision about moving homes , i've been thinking about it for months really . I've been here for 23 years but i'm just not bothered any more , think it must be just another stage but hope fully i can get the littlke jobs done this week and get a valuer in , then i'll hopefully carry on with my plans .. Yes 3 sets!!!!! Judi , i'm selling the electronic ones , its such a shame just for them to sit there and i wont have room for them , the other 2 sets are packed away so i'dd decide latr what i'm doing with those . 3 !!! Drinks what are you trying to say about me and Gayle and i do think you could have thrown in Helens name too !!!  Enjoy your lunch Helen and if you dont get back on again enjoy your couple of days away Happy shopping ..

.I do think what your councillor said Lesley made a lot of sense , there is new Lynne here too , not sure if thats good or bad but i know no body cab go through what we have been through and be the same . Hope you enjoyed having your little man last night .

 I've got the kids coming for lunch and then i'm out with friends later , i may need my knee pads and possibly crash helmet too and if there is any photos i promise not to do the " North pose" oh what the hell cause i will ..

 Take care all Happy easter (well as happy as it can be )

 Gayle are you egg hunting now .. Hope you had a good night xxxxx

Happy Easter everyone,

So glad I just logged on to see nice uplifiting posts.  I have so missed you Judes and I have been very worried about you so I am glad you are feeling better.  If you had left it another day I would driven up to Aberdeen and made you type a post lol!!! 

I did manage to get a good nights sleep last night but woke up and had a good cry this morning remembering last Easter but after that I felt much better and seeing your posts this morning ladies brought a smile to my face.  We can do this and yes we don't want to but we will and we can all do it together. 

The boys are busy stuffing their faces with chocolate and having a good day so I am off to read the paper and be lazy on the couch before all the family arrive for dinner. 

Have a good day ladies (and Dave)

Gayle xx

HAPPY EASTER LADIES AND GENTLEMAN!  Hope the sun manages to shine on most of you, for those that miss it I will be holding you in a little sunbeam in my garden so just close your eyes and imagine it.  As with all the others soooooo lovely to have you bouncing back Judi, lots of squishy hugs to keep you on the up.  See you later all xxxxxxxxx

Evening girls - and Dave............and lots of Easter ((((hugs)))) for you all.  So pleased to see that you are feeling a bit better Judi.  Life is full of ups and downs for all of us - but throw grief into the mix and the 'downs' seem too far down and often the 'ups' are at the other extreme, with giddiness and near hysteria!!!!!!  Can we ever find a place where all feels equal and on a level again????

Rosemary - I love the idea of being held in your sunbeam......so light and warm..........I hope the sun has been shining for you all today!!!!

I've often said that I'd like a set of drums - then I could mimic 'Animal' from 'The Muppets' and go crazy on them!!!!!  Alan thinks I'm crazy enough!!!!

My news - I found my penguin!!!!!!  He's a 'Blue Nose' - and is called Percy.............I couldn't call him Perry after all as I don't think he could have an attitude if he tried.............He will accompany me wherever I am to be and will be second Keeper of Secrets (Ellie-dog is first!!)

Sending you all love and more (((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))

Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxx