My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

I knew you d beat me Sue lol, all averages out. I m back on the 12th!!! xxx

Hello all, much clearer of the head now (Samantha didn't want her glass of wine so gave it to me which meant I drank virtually the whole bottle of Black Tower, oops!) I think maybe we cleared the air a bit on a few things and I did say I agreed it was an unfair thing to say but still felt justified as some times I think people think I am coping so well and "getting over Steve", even Sam but then her emotions aren't all they would be normally (even allowing for cloud nine).  So storm blown over and we had a day in London today visiting the academy again and familiarising ourselves with the area and buses - so much better than the underground, thank you for the suggestion girls!

Gayle of course Wully wouldn't be disappointed in you, things happen when they are right to happen and maybe something will come of this friendship and maybe it won't but there is nothing wrong in it if it makes you happy and it doesn't mean you love or miss Wully any less.  (Lecture over) Sam's ex who is now one of Daniels best mates (how did THAT happen?) is in the Falklands at the moment with Signals, I wonder if they will meet but won't know that there is a connection there, small world it could be.  Sent you a message on Facebook, let me know if you would like me to.....

Patricia, poor you!  Have also sent you a Facebook message with a recipe for your recovery, will also send you healing thoughts along with strength and energy to get through the coming weeks.  How is the cake, did it survive the journey?

Judi rose is fine if we have another session, in fact I do rather love Mumm Cordon ROUGE champagne, should we try some of that?  Shame you and Gayle didn't make it again, but as you say good that she didn't have the long journey late at night - it will happen when the time is right.

Ailsa how was the Cruse meeting?  I hope the lady was nice and you felt able to talk through things with her.

Sending you all hugs and huddles as always, I know I had more to say to each of you but F-I-L just phoned and Daniel is playing noisily with the dogs so as ever the plot has been lost.  Joining in for Patricia's group hug xxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi everyone.  First things first - the lady from Cruse was very nice.  Mostly she just let me talk.  She asked me about the kids and we talked about the things that are troubling me.  We agreed that it was a strange coincidence that I am having a bit of a problem heading towards the 2nd May and then her phone call came from out of the blue when I thought they had forgotton all about my phone call way back in July.  It seems it is normal to have up to 6 meetings and see how I am feel during that time and whether it is helping at all.  That will take me to just before the anniversary.  I am going to go again next week but then take each meeting one at a time and see how it goes.  I think the best thing I got from today was a chance to talk about how I worry about upsetting other people.  Just like Chris always was - she was stunned at my memory for dates and how that is working against me a bit right now.   So far I give it a thumbs up.

Gayle you are working so hard.  of course Wully would not be disappointed - he would be proud that you are making a life for you and the boys.  Take care of yourself xx

Lynne I do wander if it is worth all that effort for the savings, especially if you might move anyway.  Try caravan shopping first!! How did your Dad get on today?

Teri, lots of ((((((hugs)))))).  I hope you have been okay today and that maybe little Murray has kept you busy.

Someone needs to tell me again the date and place for John Edwards please.  I want to go but I can't remember any of the plans.  I can do credit card or cheque.  We should all book together so that we can sit together.

Helen & Sue, enjoy your upcomng school holidays - I'm not jealous at all (not)!!!

Patricia I hope your resting that voice of yours.  Thanks for the texts today.  Have you tried any of Auntie Rosemary's remedies?

Rosemary I am glad you cleared the air with Sam and had a good planning day in London.

Chris always said Becky had moved more times than Pickfords!  She is due to move again at the end of April.  Today she has rung me to say she may have decided to live in the new house for 6 months and then see about moving home here again!!  We haven't done one move and she is planning the next.  Forgive me if I can't keep up.  On a plus we would all love her to move back here so I am very happy.  Best not build my hopes up though as it is just a thought.

Take care everyone.  I am going to a quiz with my mum & dad tonight.  Speak later.  Ailsa xxx 

Evening all , Ailsa so glad it went well with the cruise meeting .

 Gayle if you'd like to sort the tickets out i'd appriciate it and then P/M your address for monies to be sent , we do need to know definates dont we , i only know its sept . I think therell be a booking fee on top so that will all have to be added on to the price of the tickets .. ..

Dad went to see the nutritionist and as soon as she saw his mouth she took him straight through to see the consultant (marvalous ) he wasn't very happy (dont know what he thought we had been trying to tell him ) anyway they wanted to put the feed tube back in but he was having none of it , they said his op woukld probably be at the end of April , well at this point form what i can gather he had a tantrum , and told them he'd had enough (not like dad at all ) he said he'd had the big op almost 2 years ago , 30 sesions of radio therapy and this was worse than any of them , he said he wasn't going to have anything else done , at this point i think they realised wasn;t doing enough to help him and they promised they would get himin as soon as new surgery dates became available , still not sure when tho . He was a bit brighter tonight , i think he's happier now he's had his say . ..

 I'm so sorry i cant comment on other posts i really am exhausted , early night i think , we are having one of those weeks at work , so so busy . Any way you are all in my cuddle huddle xxxx Take care Lynne xxxx

sleep tight, hun -  you need it and  deserve it.

(((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))

sue xx

Big hug to you Lynne, poor Dad I hope he is feeling better having had his tantrum (don't blame him) and hope they sort something out soon!  Can they not put in a tummy PEG like Sam had?  Better long term for nutrition I thought.  Anyway lots and lots of love to you xxxxxxxxx

Hi everyone, Sorry I have been really down all week I can't seem to pick myself up at all. Today was Bert's 1st month and as I can't get out because of panic attacks I have not see the baby for a few days. I feel so guilty because everyone seems to betting on with life and I am not. I have fought with Bert's car insurance people all month and despite them assuring me they had removed him from their database he got another letter today telling him as he had not paid this month the had cancelled his insurance. All this after 4 phone calls and I sent his death cert off as requested so they can whistle for it. I was just in the frame of mind to send a letter of to the Director of Customer Services demanding an apology.I  also got his ashes home tonight which is quite heartbreaking to think that is all there is left of him.

Take Care and love to all

Teri

Evening Everyone,  Just reading all the posts, just let me know also through private message about money for John Edwards and i will also send a cheque. Gayle a big hug to you, you are doing a great job of looking after your lovely boys and working so hard at the same time you deserve a social life you are so young to be going through all this crap. Lynne i do hope your dad gets seen to very soon and gets his op. Ailsa hope your meeting went ok. Rosemary hope you and Sam have sorted things out.  Patricia i do hope you have a nice time at your sons wedding. Helen you will be looking forward to your hols, Kim is back tomorrow for her first full day then off for two weeks then back fulltime after that she doesn't want to go back. Darren got two interviews next week at garages in Dumfries so fingers crossed he is lucky. Teri i hope your grandson is doing ok. Judi hope your job still going ok. Hope everyone else is doing ok, and love and hugs to you all. Fiona xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi everyone.  Having trouble getting off to bed tonight but it doesn't matter because tomorrow is Friday - whoopee!

Teri I am sorry you are having panic attacks that are keeping you indoors.  Do you think you will be able to get any help with them?  I've been thinking about you alot this evening.  That was tough getting Bert's ashes today.  Please look after yourself ((((((hugs)))))).

Lynne I am glad your Dad had his say with the medics today.  You sound exhausted even messaging on here so take care.

I have tried to find out when we are suppose to be seeing John Edwards on the internet but no joy so far so need someone to tell me or send me a message please.

Good on Darren for getting the interviews Fiona - I will keep my fingers crossed for him.

Well I should go to bed.  Goodnight everyone.  Ailsa xxx

hello all

I do hope you all have a good day on Friday and then it is the weekend.  Gayle, Teri and anyone else who needs them lots of hugs to you.  Sue, don't feel bad, I didn't know what a fascinator was either.  Lynne I do hope they get your dad sorted out soon, it must be so stressful for you, hope you manage some sleep.  Patricia, glad you got your antibiotics, hope you are feeling better and I will be thinking of you at the wedding.  Ailsa, glad to hear your Cruse meeting went well, Rosemary glad to hear you and Samantha have been talking, it is so easy to get emotional these days.  Anyone else, hope you are doing well. 

I have started to recover from the cold, it seems like since early Feb I have been sick, get better and then get depressed and then get sick again.  Saturday will be my 5 months and I hope to get through it somehow.  I am trying to rest as much as possible and be well but a weekend alone might not be the best right now.  I have had some tears lately but so far not too bad.

I finally heard from my grief group and it is on starting April 22.  One of the parents of a student in my school was in for a meeting yesterday and told me she is going to go to the same group.  Her husband had a heart attack just over a year ago.  So it will be nice to have someone I know there, I have known her for many years from school.  I am looking forward to that, it is a group of 8 women.  Then last night, a neighbour from down the street who I barely know but spoke to in the fall, she had sent me a card.  She told me in the fall that she had lost her husband over a year ago, she is older.  Anyway, rambling on here, it is so nice to talk to someone in a similar position.  I am so grateful for all you penguins.

Do hope you all are doing better.

Bren