My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Well my darling Rosemary - absolutely EVERYTHING you said sounds completely correct to me.  All youngsters, no matter how wonderful, can at times be very 'self focused' is how I like to put it when I am trying to be polite - and every so often they need to be reminded of that fact.  And of course you worry and then beat yourself up about things that have been said, things that have happened, things that might happen.  All completely normal hun, that's what mums do.  Glass of wine, now that sounds good.  We are not meant to keep ourselves together all the time hun, you have to cut yourself some slack occasionally you know. 

Well yet again Gayle and I did not manage to meet!!  Her 4 o'clock appointment was cancelled so she very sensibly headed off on the long journey home, and I know this will sound odd but I was actually didn't mind about it because I really didn't like the idea of her leaving Aberdeen after 7 and having that long drive home.  One day it will work out and we will both be in Aberdeen and available at the same time!!

Lynne my little cup cake ..... what a day you have had! I really hope that you dad gets a bit of respite and the difficulties ease, and that his op is as soon as possible.  Loads of love to you and all your injured soldiers. (((((  )))))

Patrica - you know that we are all thinking of you as the weekend gets nearer.  Make sure you give each and every outfit, hat, fascinator, handbag etc a fair outing.  Much love and strength winging its way to you. xxxxxxx

Off to pour myself a glass of wine - just to keep my Rosemary company you understand - will a glass of rose do chum??

Love to all - Judi xxx 

Hi all.  Rosemary you really have been through the wringer today.  I am glad to hear that you and Samantha talked things through at the yard.  Enjoy the wine - it might relax your back as well.

Pity you and Gayle didn't get to share some coffee Judi but at least as you say, Gayle was not travelling home late all that way.

I rang the lady from CRUSE and have an appointement tomorrow.  I was surprised how quickly she can see me.  I am seeing her at her home and it isn't far from where I live so I don't know whether that is a good or bad thing.  I will make use of your advice Patricia and take tissues with me.  becky seems to think it is a good idea to go but Stu seems more sceptical.  I will let you know how I get along.

I had better get off to bed now as I haven't been sleeping that well so I am feeling it this evening.  Take care veryone.  Ailsa xxx

Hello everyone,

Well like Judes says unfortunately we didn't meet up again!!  I will be up again very soon though as we open our office on 3rd May so I will definitely definitely see you then!!! 

I was so tired today to the point where I started shaking which is bad.  Had a bit of a feeling sorry for myself week to be honest so not sleeping but I am just exhausted.  Work is so not funny at the moment.  I love being busy and under pressure but there is a line that you cross between that and uncontrollable and I have crossed the line and it is putting me under serious pressure.  Doesn't help that I actually have some kind of social life now and my boss doesn't realise this as when Wully was around I worked 24/7 when caring for him at home.  Never mind - I will get there eventually I say optimistically.  I also had a bit of a tough week socially.  I have a friend that I met a wee while ago (don't like to say the "b" word) who is good company and I enjoy spending time with.  Well he went away today to the Falklands for 4 months.  In some ways I am glad as it has been messing with my head so it gives me a bit of a breather but obviously I am a bit upset as I will miss him.   Felt very emotional today about it all for a whole raft of reasons but he his as gone now his flight has just left so I will just have to wait and see what happens.  I will probably change my mind tomorrow!  I think I just create problems for myself and often don't like myself much, and worry that Wully would be disappointed in me.  I know he would want me to make a new life but its hard all the same.  Anyway I have rambled now and probably said too much.  Hugs to all my penguins.

Gayle xxx

Morning All 

  Gayle  Wully would not be dossapointed in you at all , how could he be ? your looking after your lovely boys , your holding down a very demanding job and your trying to get a life for your self , come on Gayle hun you are entitled , your 34 i just wish youd picked someone with a lot less dangerous job , just enjoy it for what it is and see what happens . Sorry you didn't get your coffee with Judi , i know how much these meets lift us all , but glad you wasn't driving back late ..   Judi , thank you for that , like i said to Ailsa yesterday it migth seem like its me that does all the running about for dad but my sisters do a lot too itsw just that i get all the "hospital jobs " which i hate . He is going to see the nutitionist and speach therapist today so we'll se what they have to say , he's got to have lost weight again .    Rosemary   daughters can be a god send really but with all the sress your under there is no wonder you snapped , i know what you mean about other peoples happiness , i had to listen to my crew mate last week calling her husband sevseral times a day (something i would have done ) but it just made me miss my phone call even more , i didn't say anything , i shouldn't be hurt that she still has her husband i just wish she had been a little more sensitive . Oh well untll people have walked in

My sons friend came to look at the water pipes last night and he said he can do it but i'll have to get someone to take out the kitchen cupboard first , my caravan is bacoming more of a reality . I'm not sure if this is all worth it to get the water meter in but it will save me 200 pound a year but if i'm thinking of moving anyway , is it worth it ?  . Anyway off to work soon . Amanda and Lesley you have been quiet again , i hope its cos you've been busy and not sinking again . 2 more days Helen and Sue  . Ailsa my holidays start 1st April but i have carried 3 over and used 1 day for m this years holls whis along with bank holiday mon gave me the full wekk again . Might go caravan hunting lol

. Take care all xxx Lynne xxx  

   Ps should we be sorting John Edwards trip out . will we need to buy tickets ourselves or will one person have tp do it , i dont mind doing it on my crdit card if i know who's going , back later if any one want to talk about it .. 

I knew there was something else ... Patricia , i hope your feeling better now and the anti biotics have kicked in , am i right in thinking you fly out on the 30th ?  .. Take care   xx Lynne xxxx

Thanks Lynne - think I am just needing a good kick up the bum or someone to cut my head off so I stop thinking too much lol.   I hope your Dad gets on okay today.  Its such a worry and very frustrating for you and your sisters.  Maybe if they see he has lost weight it might speed up things?  Although we all know what they can be like.  I was just thinking that about John Edward yesterday.  I don't mind using my card either or sending you money - whichever you prefer.  I think it would be best that one person booked or we won't all have seats together?  I think at last count there was Ailsa, Fiona, Judi, Teri, Me and you so 6? 

Patricia hope you are feeling better today and the antibiotics have kicked in.

Hugs to everyone.

Gayle

Hi Gayle, Let me know when you need the cash and I can send you a cheque.

Not been online much bad week for me with the baby being born and today is the 1st month since Bert died,

Love Teri

Big hugs to everyone who is struggling right now.  Oooohhhhh that would be ALL of you then.(((((((((((Group Hug)))))))))

When and where are you going to see John Edwards???

Lynne, I hope things improve soon for your dad.

Ailsa, good luck this afternoon.

Gayle, be kind to yourself hun, no-one is judging you or disappoinbted least of all your dear Wully.

Rosemary and Judi, lay off the wine for an hour or too x x x

Teri, so sorry you are having such a rough time at the moment. It is very difficuot time for you but we are all here for you. (well I will be when I can over the coming days).

Have to go shopping now for a hairbrush and a few other bits which I foolishly left at home and needed for Saturday. Oh well. More brainless shopping coming up.

When I got up this morning I could hardly speak. Stuart gave a big whoop of joy(only kidding) and kayo said I hope it is better by Saturday (she is afraid I won't be able to give my speech. lol.) Not sure whether the antibiotics are working or not but I am barking like a Seal when I cough. (It is not  pretty sight).  Went out last night and listened to Stuart playing in the Big Band that he is a member of. He did a solo piece on his baritone saxaphone. I have not heard him play that particular instument before and it has a lovely 'warm' sound. I have heard him play baritone but it was one which belonged to the youth jazz orchestra. And wait for this one ladies...... I was so tired after having only about 3 hours over 3 days that I zonked out last night and actually SLEPT.  Still feel tired but that could be coz I am not that well but hey ho it's a start.

Take care all and those I have not named, I still think about you. Penguins are huddling and hoping to keep you all safe. (My adopted penguin is called Muttley and lives at Scarborough Sea Life Centre. I am planning to go visit this summer).

Well better get on or the stuff I am supposed to be doing will still be waiting tomorrow.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Hi everyone

Ailsa how did your Cruse meeting go?

Lynne hope your dad got on ok xx

Gayle I dont know how you do it all, no wonder you re exhausted but I am so pleased for you that you ve been having a social life and some fun xx Wully would not be disappointed in you at all, he will be so proud of you and how you are managing everything and I m sure pushing you to be happy and have a life for you too xxx

Rosemary and Judi...drinking wine in the week.....I dont believe it!!! I m just jealous cause I wasnt lol xxx Hope you re feeling better today Rosemary, Nat and I have been so close since Paul died but the last couple of weeks we have rubbed each other up the wrong way. Back to some normality I suppose, family life!!

Patricia so pleased you managed some sleep, not long to go now xx

Teri, the time passes so quickly doesnt it, big hugs to you xxx

How is everyone else today. Sue I am so sorry you dont finish tomorrow....but I do yahoo!!!

Bug higs

Helen xxx

But I don't start back until the 19th April!!!!!