My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

FormerMember
FormerMember
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My husband - Chris - died on the 2nd May 2009 because he had anal cancer. He knew he was going and we spoke about lots and lots of things before he died. That is why I am just not prepared for the huge amount of guilt I feel now. I feel guilty that the world hasn't stopped turning round even though he has died. I feel like everything should stop as a mark of respect. I also feel very guilty that he had to be so ill he had to die. What a cruel cruel thing it is to make someone so ill their body just stops working. I wasn't ready for him to go. I really really hope these are normal feelings because I must hang on to my sanity for the sake of my 3 children. I have never known sadness like I feel right now. I can't believe that I will not hear his voice or feel his touch again. We were married for almost 32 years and I have known Chris for 34 years - since I was 16. What happens now? Ailsa

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Priceless  thats fantastic Patricia , if your not smiling now , watch the video everyone xxx

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    Hilarious Penguin Noises   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1xxh5mA0QM&feature=related

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    Hope you and Gayle manage to work something out with your meeting Judi .. Ha Ha a mexican wave of tears ?? yes thats just how it was lol good description . Night Judi xxxx

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    Trust you Judi, binning the good Dr.s email tut tut. Hope the party goes well hun x x

    Glad you like the video lynne. it amused me but the second one made me think of what we could all sound like at a get together lol. x x x

     

  • FormerMember
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    wonderful penguin video - sent my dogs and cats into total frenzy! They sounded more like donkeys than mating penguins!

    Thanks, Patricia.

    sue xx

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    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    You are welcome Sue, they amused me so thought I would pass them on. Strange sound eh??

     

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    Hi everyone.  I think I have managed to catch up on all the posts.  Welcome John.  I am so sorry about your wife Sharon.  I really hope you are okay.

    Thank you all who has offered me some advise about my dodgy breathing.  I think the problem is very close to panic.  I am a very calm person so I am not certain I could actually have a panic attack but I have thought for a long time that my irregular breathing is my own version of a panic attack.  It generally feels like I just can't breathe deeply enough so then I become very anxious to fill my lungs and have to stop whatever I am doing to try to get a breath.  When it is at it's worst I need to stop mid-sentence to do it and then I start to find it a little embarrassing.  I don't think I had been in too many bad situations before Chris became ill but I have noticed myself doing this all through Chris's illness & ever since he died.  My friends joke with me about it now and I usually ask someone for a paper bag, then that makes me laugh and that fixes the problem.  Simples!  My GP is a bit useless and would probably just tell me to go home and relax a bit.  That is exactly my problem - I can't.  I am sure I will have a wonderfully relaxing time in newcastle and there will be lots of laughter so then I will be cured.  No danger of me missing it at all Gayle or Lesley.

    Lynne - it is 24 sleeps!

    I missed a lot of posts when I couldn't get on last night.  My dad dropped a cupboard on his head while I was at work and my mum couldn't get me on my phone so they got a taxi to the hospital to get him checked out.  He is fine apart from a nice big bump and damaged pride - he put the cupboard up!  I ended up staying with them for a few hours last night.  Tonight I had arranged to go back to IKEA for the last piece of furniture I needed to complete the room Declan is going to sleep in when he visits.  I have less planned for tomorrow night and I am still keeping my 2 free evenings next week.

    I know you have it sorted out now Rosemary but I would just like to say I think you made the right decision to let Sam do the course.  You will see her often enough to know how she is coping so that you can make sure things don't get out of hand.  I wish Sam every good luck with the course.  She be fine with all your lovely, caring support.

    Fiona you sound so please you saw the psychic.  I am still curious and not sure how to go about finding out more.  Lesley it is lovely that you dream about Colin like you do.  Like Lynne I always dreamed a lot before Chris died.  Now I very rarely dream and I have only had one dream where a poorly Chris was in the background.  I would love to dream about a well Chris.  Maybe sometime soon eh?

    Welcome back Sue.  I am glad you were able to sort your mum's bits out.  Enjoy your visitors tomorrow.  It sounds like you, Helen & Lesley are all having a good time and making the most of the half term.

    Good evening Dot.  Hope you are okay.

    Judi all the things you have done ready for Boy's party sound great.  How lucky he is to have such an good party organiser for a mum.

    Patricia I hope you are able to sort your MILs problems with the local government people.  It is cruel for them to stress her like that.

    I hope everyone is okay this evening.  Ailsa xxx

     

  • FormerMember
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    Patricia, the videos are so funny.  Thanks for finding them.  You just knew laughing regulates my breathing - best cure for most things!  xxx

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    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Hello everyone,

    They videos are hilarious - cheered us all up Patricia.  Rosemary - glad you came to a decision that you are both happy with.  I am sure it will all work out well and I bags an appointment with her to do my hair!

    Judi - your posts are always hilarious.  Deleting that email - I have done that too.  I got one from Wully's ex who works at NHS and deleted that and I don't know why but straight away thought "was that junk?" and went back and fished it out my trash.  Lynne, glad you were able to smile after the tears that is definitely a good sign.

    All is good here today - watch out for the misery post tomorrow lol - well apart from not being very well today.  Had a bit of a stomach bug but managed to doze on the couch for an hour and that helped a little then a friend cheered me up tonight - laughter is definitely the best medicine.  Haven't slept for a few nights so it is maybe just that as always feel sick when I am really tired.  My Auntie Judi cheered me up first thing this morning until she threatened to sing Barry Mannilow to me.  I think I will have to start sending you a song a day on Facebook to improve your music tastes ;-)

    Ailsa, glad you have managed to pencil in some free time.  I too have suffered from panic attacks since Wully was diagnosed but get them very rarely now - only when very stressed.  That was why I had a c-section with Ewan as I had really bad panic attacks at that point (Wully had his big op when I was about 7mths pregnant) and I couldn't cope with the worry of going into labour.  This meeting in Aberdeen I have next week I have to do a presentation and the number of people attending keeps rising so I am starting to fret about it at the moment.  I am fine when I start but the thought of it at first is always daunting.  Judi can give me a pep talk beforehand lol. 

    Sue glad you got some things sorted in Cornwall.  Wully was diabetic too and had a very sweet tooth so we had that very familiar battle too. 

    Helen, glad you are managing to get some relaxing done too.

    Fiona, Lesley, Dottee & Dave - have a hug from me.  Sorry if I missed anyone.

    Gayle xxx

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    Oh I can picture it now ..... who remembers the old wizzened trainer in Rocky ........ you know the one - he wore an old woolly beannie hat and had a cigar in his mouth (I have a feeling it was Meredith Burgess but I can't be bothered Googling it just now) anyway, there Gayle will be ... yes I will provide the silk dressing gown for her to wear over her shoulders ...... and I will make her run up and down the hotel stairs while I hum the Rocky theme tune and shout "Go Champ" and with that I will throw open the doors and she will enter and give the presentation of her life ........ hahaha.

    Ailsa, I am glad that at least you know when it is happening and have strategies to try and cope.  I do understand that if you find relaxing difficult then for people to say just try must be very frustrating ... we will just have to try and keep you laughing sometimes won't we.  

    Off to watch Patricia's video now and then bed.  Night all.  Judi xxxxx