My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Lesley , if i'd paused for breath i would have forgotten everything lol , how i wrote that post is probably just the way i am  , i will try and slow down lol . Helen glad you had a good evening , yes i remember how depressed we all was going into nov , thank goodness we are nearly into march . Rosemary , i wish i could advise you hun , i know i'd worry about my daughter if she was alone but sometimes we dont have a say in what they do . I really hope you can come up with a satisfactory sollution .. i'm sure somebody will be a better help than me .XXXXXXX 

Hi everyone,

Absolutely shattered tonight so just about to head off to bed.

Rosemary - I would say let her do it.  The worst that could happen is that she cannot manage.  Did you say it was for 7mths?  And if it is only Monday to Friday then she can come home at weekends.  If she doesn't cope staying away then she could try the commute.  We all need to pursue our dreams - life is too short in my opinion and no decision is permanent if you know what I mean.  Its a great opportunity as Toni & Guy is recognised all over the world and think of all those fabulous haircuts you would get!  She sounds like a lovely, responsible daughter so I think she would be able to look after herself.  I know it must be hard and I hope you don't mind me saying this.  I hope you both work out a decision that you are both happy with.

Gayle xxx

Rosemary when my daughter went away she was 19 and had never been away from home. We spent lots of time on the phone on an evening. I got my first mobile phone when she went away so that she could be in contact with me at all times. These days you have skype and messenger too so maybe that wouold help with the communication thing. Gayle is right, let her do what she feels is right. After all, she will never know if she doesn't try will she. Take care hun and good luck to you both x x x

Evening All, Hope you are all ok tonight, i am just heading off to bed as well didn't sleep to well last night my mind would not shut off after my reading, as i say it was just amazing. Had my haircut tonight then i have had a friend in for a coffee. Darren looking for work now not so easy to get something and i can see he is going to get stressed if nothing comes up.  know it is hard Rosemary to advice your daughter, but she can only but try, and if it doesn't work out she can just come home just like Darren. Helen i am waiting to her  Robbie as well he is fab, have you seen him in concert? Lynne hope your dad doing ok. No snow here today but very cold. Luv and Hugs to you all. Fiona xxxxx  

Thanks girls, it helps to talk to you all, as you say it's something I wish I could talk through with Steve.  I know Samantha is 23 and should be quite able to look after herself and cope alone, trouble is since her car accident and brain injury she can often be like a fifteen year old and is a lot more dependent than most of her peers, although this is something I have been working towards (her being able to live alone and independently) I wasn't planning quite yet.  Also to find someone for her to live would probably mean a minimum of 3 or 6 months rent so not easy to get out of if she couldn't cope.  Or maybe I am just being over protective.  Also she would be alone as I would imagine most of the others will be commuting, if only it were offered as a residential course I wouldn't worry half as much as it would be more of a supervised accommodation.  We thought about her commuting but that is also a problem, or potentially, as she does get so very tired quickly and easily and not sure if she could cope with the regular 5 day stint without resting - at the moment she usually has a midday rest,although again we are trying to work towards her managing without, it's all part of the brain injury recovery.  But you are right (Gayle?) it is such an opportunity and no other course can really compare (well other than Sassoon or Sax or someone similar), which is why I'm tearing myself up and she is near to tears still.

Oh who would be a mother?  I would, I wouldn't change them for the world, but why doesn't life give her a break and make things simple? xxxxxxx

Rosemary hope you both come to a decision. I suppose if she doesnt give it a try it will always be something you will both wonder about xxx

Fiona, hope you enjoyed Robbie, I thought he was great tonight. Yes I went to see him in Leeds a few years ago at Roundhey Park, what a day!!!

Night everyone

Helen xxx

Helen I don't live very far from Roundhay Park. x x x x

Evening all

Rosemary, I have just read through your quandry a few times and initially I must admit I thought - that is a really long day for Samantha and what if she got lonely.  So yes, maybe it is too soon.  However, I have to say that then I read Gayle's post and it kind of changed my mind a little and I tend to agree - if she doesn't give it a shot then will the regret be worse?

I have absolutely no idea of how you would find out if there is something similar- but when I went off to college 'down south' when I was seventeen my dad found a lodgings for me in the house of a lovely lady so I went home each night to a meal etc.  I think that the college itself had lists of such people and that is where he found it from.  I wonder if there is someway you could look into something similar for Samantha.  Where exactly is the college?  My brother works in the city - and I bet there are other people between us that could do a bit of digging to see if ANYONE knew someone that would like a 'lodger' for a few months. 

The other thing I would say is that the only real important thing is that if Samantha decides to try either commuting or living there, as long as she knows that she has the security of you behind her and that she has the right to say "you know what mum, I am finding this too tiring" and can come home if push comes to shove.  Sometimes that fact that you know you have back-up or a safehouse to return to is enough to get you through another day, so that don't dont actually need it.  Having it there is enough.   Not sure I have explained that very well. 

At the end of the day hun, whatever decision you and Samantha come to will be the correct decision, simply because you made it, and that makes it the right one.

Helen - I just knew that you would be sitting up close to your tv and sighing!  I asked if he would do the Angels sing-a-long just for you.  Hope you enjoyed it! lol

John - hi to you, I have read your profile and send you warm welcoming hugs. 

Wasn't it lovely to read Manda's description - after the fiasco of her Christmas flights etc I am so glad that her first morning sounded so peaceful and beautiful.

Lesley - the Ungrateful One will be getting a text from Joe (once he gets his paws sorted on the keypad) , you had better warn her - he is most upset that she is not appreciating all your efforts - he says it is something to do with the size of cat's brains and them only having a very small brain cell.  He is offering to come down and chase her in to it, but I have said no for now ..... let me know if the situation changes!

Snow today ...... arrgghhhh .... it had better go before Boy comes home on Friday for the party.  He is SO laid back, I am sure that he thinks that parties just 'happen'.  No organisation, cooking, shopping, decorating etc.  I reckon he thinks that they are like those instantaneously inflatable life rafts ....... you just pull the rip cord and that's it ....... the party is ready!!

Sorry, I have no recollection of who posted what, so will say hello to all and speak tomorrow.  Loads and loads of love to everyone.   Judi xx

Good morning all

Just had a terrible night's sleep, kept thinking I could hear music, you know like a mobile ring tone. Actually got up at 3am to look around, of course there was nothing. Now I feel grumpy and tired!

Judi, you are so funny, I just can't wait to meet you. My Catface is a boy by the way! Parties do happen instantly for youngsters, don't you remember? A shed load of beer and back to someone's messy flat!!! Instant party!

Rosemary, I can understand your feelings about Samantha and the course. I left home at 16 to work in Eastbourne but my daughter was completely different to me aged 16, she had led a very different sort of childhood and was much younger for her age. Also like Sam', she had been in hospital a lot and is still on lifelong medication, she too tired easily, well she still does. Everyone is different, like others have said, I suppose if this is something she really wants and she feels able to cope with, then as long as she know that you are right behind her, maybe she should give it a go. I hope she would be able to tell you though if things were not working out how she expected them to.

Have a good day all, speak later.  xxLesleyxx

Morning all . What good advice you have given Rosemary ladies , i do think the lodging idea with a family is a fantastic idea , i do hope things work out how you want them too Rosemary xx   Lesley , i too have had a bad nights sleep . i was dreaming about my mum (who we lost 22 months ago ) and it really upset ma and i couldn't get back to sleep . I have never had a dream about Gordon being alive . The only dream i've had about him is i had gone to visit his grave and he was sat on top of it and he said to me "its not so bad being dead "   was it a dream or was it a message ?   How is your arm now Lesley , are you managing to type with 2 hands now ? Anyway just a quick one , i hope the day isn't to bad for everyone . Ailsa are you ok ? ..

Take care all Lynne xxxxxx