My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Good morning everyone.

VERY cold here again this morning, have just had a brisk walk with the dogs and am now having a warming coffee.  Am now startign each day with an Innocent smoothie as apparently it will give me '2 of my 5 a day' - not noticing a massive difference yet!!

I think I am 'lucky' regarding Valentines Day, as Boy's 21st birthday is the day after, so I am busy concentrating on that.  Even though he will be in Glasgow on the actual day I have arranged for a couple of surprises for him down there so my head has been filled with that.  Dottee, I had the loveliest tear when I read about Alan's gesture - I love the song 'My Funny Valentine'

Ailsa hun, squishy hugs, cos I know all about that 'this time last year' scenario - no wise words but we will all be here all the way through for you.  Manda, hope Hayley is feeling a little brighter and the two of you have a relzing break, and not as many hiccups getting there as last time.

Sue - not a whole armful surely!  My dad is a massive Hancock fan so your picture made me smile. 

I was laghing at myself yesterday.  I had logged on to Facebook and found that it all looked 'different' and after my usual browse around realised that I didn't seem to be able to 'log out' and thought that that was it - I woudl be forever logged on and would have to change my status to say "Help, how do I log out?!"   It would help if I read the instructions wouldn't it!!

I can see that when we get together we will have to sort out a longer meet, so that those in the know can give the rest of us 'shopping lessons' - Gayle, Lesley??   Fiona - how is Darren getting on?

I now can't remember what I wanted to write .... arrgggh. Will be back later with a pen and paper.

Love to all - Judi xx

Evening all . Just popping in to say i'm on the outside for onceso huddle up the ones that need the middle xxx , i know we'll have these dates coming up so i'm trying not to focus to much (yet) . Its very cold here too Judi and i think we're expecting snow tonight so not looking forward to tommorow brrrr . Dad back at hospital tommorow and then they will be able to see how things have gone but he's convinced himself that they will never take the feed tube out , they have done that much work in his mouth i dont think there is anything left . Lesley , Ailsa ,Amanda , Gayle , Judi Helen Sue Patricia Fiona Dave Rosemary Quill and Dottee HUgs to all xxxxxxxxxx 

  Take care Lynnexxxx

Hi Lynne

I just want to say that I hope all goes well for your dad at the hospital tomorrow. He must be so brave, makes me feel like such a wuss moaning about my arm! I hope he can have the tube taken out. Am glad you are feelin OK too  :-)

I'm still managing to keep my head above water at the moment, still having a weep most bedtimes though.

Think I will go to bed early tonight and have a read.

Hugs to all who need one  xxx Lesley xxx

Hi Lesley , thank you for that , i think my bed is calling me early tonight too , leccy blanket will be on soon lol xxxx

Evening, all

Hope dad's appointment goes well tomorrow, Lynne - lovely to hear that you'vr moved out to the edge of the huddle. Penguins rule!

sue xx

Hi Sue yes i'm determined to stay on the outside , i've had more than my fair share of themiddle , hope your ok too xxxxxxx

Freeeeeeeeeezing cold!!

Right I have a piece of paper and I have made notes going back to yesterday!

Judi, not sure I like the new Facebook layout either, presuming you did get logged out? What surprises are you planning for Boy then? You can't get away with leaving us wondering!

Lesley and Ailsa, "This time last year" I know what you mean about looking back at those awful moments, if feels strange this year as it no longer fits. This time last year we had begun wading through the nightmare of being without him. Perhaps getting through that first year and not being able to look back the same means you can cope more and look forwards.  Actually thats only partly true as I still find myself haunted by different memories. Lesley, re your job, what would you really like to do if you could choose a job, is there something you always thought of but never did anything about doing?

Helen, roller coaster indeed and it seems they don't let us off!  Guess we just have to enjoy the view from the top and remember that when we are down at the bottom again that the only way is up.

Manda, hugs to you and Hayley, glad you were able to work through the meltdown together, sometimes you just need to do that.  Don't feel guilty about the holiday without Miles, he wold want you to go and more importantly he would want you both to enjoy yourselves again and be happy. 

Patricia and Dot, mind you don't get stretch marks on those arms! Moisturise girls, moisturise!

Lynne, hugs for you and your dad. Have emailed you my dear (you know what that means!), thank you for your texts today xx

Well I have been squished and squashed and left with odd shaped glowing boobs today - the dreaded breast screening "invited" me to attend.  It wasn't too bad though, I'd had one before and it was much worse, it was very quick as it was in a mobile screening unit and therefore no waiting around much.  I had a little angel alongside of me too, that helped lots.  So fingers crossed and send lots of good vibes, I'm only accepting good results, which apparently take a couple of weeks. After my appointment I wandered into Tesco's and was getting the usual boring bits and pieces and then saw a "Jackie - Love Songs" CD, oh the memories that brought back, Donny Osmond, David Cassidy, The Commodores, Dr Hook and lots more, in fact just for a change there aren't many I don't like or wouldn't mind listening to - my era the seventies! Anyway, I treated myself and will upload it now and put on my purple pod. Will maybe look in again later, otherwise hugs to you all xxxxxx

Evening everyone

Cold here tonight too, going to have a lovely bubble bath and have an early night too. I m in the nursery at school this week and soooo tired lol x

Manda hopefully your holiday will be just what you both need, Miles would want you to have some fun together.

Lynne glad you re feeling better this week and Dottee too. Hope your Dad gets on ok tomorrow x

I m approaching this time last year thoughts unfortunately. Like Ailsa we got told but on the 25th Feb nothing more could be done (Mother in laws birthday) Doesnt seem like a year ago though, where has the time gone? Feel ok at the moment but at the back of my mind.

Judi my facebook has only changed tonight, finding my way round it.

Gayle hope you got back ok, Lynne will be shouting at you texting again in the car lol!!

Love to everyone else, hope you re all ok

Helen xxx

Lynne, good luck to dad for tomorrow. i hope things go well for him.

Rosemary, I am glad that you got through your 'screening' ok. I am sure the results will be good. (fingers, toes, eyes etc crossed for you).

To-day on my way to the supermarket I had the readio on and 'Walking Back to Happiness' by Helen Shapiro came on. This was the very first record that Ray ever bought. Of course the tears coursed down my cheeks and I had to sit in the car park for ten minutes whilst I composed myself. Ah well, seems the surprises just keep on coming.

Anyway, I hope that you are all doing ok this evening. You are right of course, Valentine Day celebrations are being shown everywhere. Yesterday on morning tv they had lots of people renewing their wedding vows. So I joined in and renewed mine to Ray(again).  I know this sounds sad but I still feel as though I am married to him.

Those who need to be in the middle of the huddle please stay their and we will hold you safe until you feel able to cope a little better.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x