My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Evening everyone.  Hope everyone is okay.  Thanks for the link to the blood donner site Patricia, I will get that sorted this week.  Had a short appointment with my GP today because one of my fingers is a bit swollen and I don't remember banging it or anything.  He has convinced me I must have done and it will settle down in time.  While I was there he gave some of my test results from Saturday.  I will get a full pack at the end of the week but all good news.  Colestrol, blood sugars, kidney & liver function all very normal.  Risk of heart attack or stroke in single figures apparently.  I'm sure the pack will have more to say about my weight but at least the other things are all okay.

This could be funny when I post this as I started it over an hour ago but Becky phoned me so there has been an hours delay.

Thanks for all the hugs when I have mentioned my feelings about all the appointment dates I have coming up.  Chris was always in awe of the fact that I remembered dates so well but that is working against me right now as I find it impossible to ignore them.  There are about a dozen of them between now and May but to try to help me I have had a look and already i can see that I have a few nice things on some of the dates.  My Liverpool trip and the Newcastle meet take care of some of them and I am so excited about both those things that that will make such a difference.  Becky's house move is on the same day as Chris's Old Trafford tour last year so that will help too.

Lynne I will have my fingers crossed for you 7 your Dad tomorrow.  lesley we are sorting out redundancies again at our place and I have had similar thoughts about maybe it would be the push I need.  Sounds like you are enjoying planning Boy's 21st Judi.  Best get on with something.  Take care.  Ailsa xxx

Hi Julie,

I know it was an old post and you've probably moved on by now but I lost my mother just over four months ago and I felt exactly the same. How could the world continue when we've lost someone so amazing? Stop the clocks, pack up the moon and dismantle the sun... The love and the memory does last forever!

Hi.  I'm sorry you lost your mother in September Mungojerry.  Althought the post has been going a while we are all still working on how to move forward so please feel free to post.  We are all still doing good and bad days and all try hard to help each other.  I am relying on the love & the memory lasting forever as well.

Patricia, Chris was a big Helen Shapiro fan even though it was so not the kind of music he listened to or sang.  Far more mine.  He was the youngest of nine and was brought up listening to his older sister playing Helen Shapiro.  It is a lovely surprise when a song with really good memories comes on the radio.  I love the fact that you renewed your vows.

I think you are right Rosemary about the dates thing.  I feel very sure that I won't think about these silly appointment dates next year.  There will be a lot of them for each of us shortly so we will help each other through.

There were loads of posts when it took me an hour to finish the last one so hopefully that won't happen again this time.  Take care.  Ailsa xxx

Hello all

It's daft isn't it, I read all the posts, then can't remember who said what! Good luck Ailsa with your test results, my friend went for a screening last week, she said it hurt like hell and nealy walked out after the first boob had been done!

Rosemary, I'm not sure what I would like to do. When Colin was alive we used to dream that if we had enough money we would have a smallholding, you know, small animal farm and market garden, then maybe would become foster carers because we would have more room and time. Now I couldn't foster care because children such as these have to come first, I could not comitt to that level right now, have too many needs of my own! I like office work, sad I know but I enjoy routine and organisation, am good on a computer, actually enjoy reports and paperwork but although I have worked in our school office when they have been short staffed, I have no paper qualification, so would not even get an interview.

I do know I can't continue doing my present job until I retire, it is too physically and mentally demanding. I work with very deprived children and they often have to be physically stopped from attacking each other and the staff. This happens on a daily basis. I am really tired of being sworn at, kicked and spat at. There has to be a time when enough is enough. I wouldn't mind if what we do made a difference but all so often it does not, they just grow up to become thugs as adults and breed more of the same. the children I worked with 20 years ago, are now turning up with their children and the same problems crop up time and again.

I keep hoping something permenant will turn up in our school office, I wouldn't need the qualification then as they know my capabilities.

Judi, I have kept meaning to ask is Boy's name really Boy or is it a nickname? I hope you don't think me rude, I just wondered!  x

Hello to Mungojerry, September is when my hubbie died, be kind to yourself, it takes time.

Hugs to all, xx Lesleyxx

Morning all - I hope you all have good things planned today - apart from work that is.........

Lesley - I feel for you being in a job you've come to dislike.  I've always hated admin work but it was something I could pick up or leave as I wished without too much 're-training'  However in the mid-90s I was made redundant twice within a couple of years so decided to go to our local college and do a degree in History, Archaeology and English.  I celebrated my 50th birthday half-way through it.  Studying wasn't without its problems - Alan had his first diagnosis of Myeloma during this time....and suffered badly from depression as he thought his life was over!!!  Then I took time out ot look after my Gran at the end of her life - so I actually graduated with a 2:2 12 months after the rest of my year!!!!  I feel now that I could have done with taking longer to mourn my Gran but had deadlines and commitments to the course - so couldn't!!!!  Whilst I didn't follow my dream of becoming an archaeologist (dodgy knees don't allow for crawling in wet muddy holes) - the degree opened up a whole world of possibilities that I had previously thought were closed to me.  I quickly got a job working in local libraries and now I work with young people after school (still in the library).....The point to all this waffle???  If you're not happy in your job why stay there???  Familiarity may feel safe - but breeds contempt!!!!!!  The world is a big place and somewhere there is a special niche for all of us to follow our dreams..........  My first step to deciding about the degree was to see an advisor who let me use a computer programme (I've forgotten the name of it) - but it breaks down jobs into different bits and analyses the results. Then it makes suggestions for careers based on your answers..........I could consider really diverse careers - editing/proof-reading, archives, libraries, warehouse/transport manager..........and after some doing some other tests (a bit like IQ tests) also map-making and car mechanic!!!!!!!!!

Sorry I really have waffled this morning........but I hope that - if you've read to this point - it will give you some inspiration.....

Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dottee - way to go you!!!!  I love the fact that you undertook your degree at all.  Lesley - I completely understand what you say about needing a change.  I didn't return to the same job when Ed died for various reasons.  I was very luck to get my part-time job with my professor as I have been able to take this year to gently get back the belief that a job would ever 'matter' to me again. 

Lesley, I worked in the office of a large private school for seven years as PA and Admissions, and know full well that you would be a fantastic asset to them, the most useful attribute you have is an understanding of 'how things work' along with an obvious dedication and patience.  I wonder if would be worth speaking to them to see if, at the moment, you could help out more often and maybe do some kind of admin qualification while there.  I don't have a single qualification regarding my current line of work, was just lucky to get my first job in admin and then was able to use experience on cvs etc. but I do know that these days it is almost impossible to get anywhere without a piece of paper saying you can do it!  I daren't even say what I trained as because Patricia and a few others would 'give me a right raging' as we say up here for the many times I have posted about my lack of enthusiasm for eating healthily!!!   (Don't tell anyone but decades ago I trained as a Cordon Bleu cook ..... but ssshhhhhhh)

Ah now - you ask about Boy and his name - he does have one it's ......... err ..... errr .... oh yes I remember now .... it's Nick (Nicky when he was little but he dropped the 'y' when he arrived at uni).  He is called Boy and has been since he was about a year and a half because he was out with Ed and was introduced to a little girl called Nikki and it seemed to confuse him and he kept pointing to himself and saying 'Boy Nicky', and from that day on he has always been called Boy by those very close to him.  I tend to forget that it must sound odd to others!

I am off for a guided tour of my new office today - if I have already posted this, apologies, I can't remember!  And then this afternoon back to work to deal with the near one hundred applications for my current job!

Loads of love to all - Judi xxx 

Morning All, Just a quick post before i go to work, have not had time to catch up with all the post as yet may be get caught up tonight, just to say i have arrived back from London, and also Darren arriving back from Aus on Fri night, just no jobs and he didn't want to start using a credit card just to stay there so coming home to see if he can get a job, and then as he say's his visa last a year so he could always go back before it runs out.  He just says he has had the best month he has had in a long time and that's the main thing. He is like his dad and very stubborn and will not take money from me. Well better get off to work catch up soon. Fiona xxxxxxxxx 

Lesley sounds like your job is pretty full on. I am not surprised you want a change.

Fiona, sorry that Darren can't find work but maybe it is good that he is coming home at this time. I truly believe that things happen for a reason.

Judi, wow. What a revelation. Not quite the same though cooking for one is it?? However, surely you could adapt your methods to suit one person. Failing that, I will be on the next train up to have dinner with you. lol

Dottee, you never fail to amaze me with your talents. Well done you x x

I hope that everyone else is getting on alright today x x x

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Ah ha!  Judi, just the person I need to help me with a "Purple Hat Lunch" only just got the beginnings of the idea on this one and really should get moving with the planning for it.  Summer, large gazebo or marquee incase of inclement weather, lots of ladies in purple hats and lots of money raised for the local hospice.  Ideas on a ....... very large postcard please and all penguins invited of course!

Be back later xxxx

Thanks everyone for your thoughts about my employment. I really don't want to just jump into any old job and if redundancy is imminent then I may as well wait for the money, I have been employed by local council for over 20 years. I may well end up doing some different qualifications but at this moment in time it is hard to make any major decisions as I am not altogether sure of my own mind. One day I feel one way and the next totally different, found it difficult to actually get into work this morning as I did not want to arrive at work crying, so had to keep stopping the car to try to compose myself, managed to get there eventually and was not even late!

Judi you dark horse! I know where to come now for my cooking tips!

Rosemary, your purple hat lunch sounds great, I wish I lived nearer so I could come and help out.

Must go now, my meatballs are in the oven and need checking.  :-)   xxx