My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

I'M OK THANK YOU.

NO NEED TO SHOUT.

love and angel hugs to everyone

x x x Patricia x x x

Evening xx

Judi you are impressing me with your football knowledge now lol!!

After Liverpool`s win over Everton I took some flowers (red and white of course!!) to Paul`s grave. I find it quite difficult to go, I know a lot of you find great comfort going for a chat but it really upsets me and I cried all the way there. I dont go very oftenbut I know Paul`s mum and dad go every week and there are always flowers there so I know it always looks lovely. I just felt the urge to go yesterday as he would have enjoyed the game so much with Liam xx

I went to our local last night for a couple of hours which was nice, didnt feel marvellous this morning so I can sympathise Gayle x Been shopping in Liverpool today but didnt get much, a new pair of trackie bottoms for the gym lol!!

I have now forgotten what everyone else has said so Ill send bug higs and hope you ve all had a good Sunday

Helen xxx

Hugs to you Patricia, thanks for your text, I know you said you are ok but are you still? xxxxx

Oh what a day! Thought I had it all sorted, actually had a lie in til 8 o'clock, then had a shower and was about to go to see the in-laws (needed to consult f-i-l on some financial stuff and also run past him the plans for Daniels cottage renovation). Then there was a ring at the door and it was Daniels next door neighbour, he is staying with us at the moment whilst he waits for the heating oil to arrive and was still asleep as he didn't get in from work til 5.30 a.m. Their semi wild cat seemed to have got into Dan's house on Monday night (long story but somehow the kitchen door was open all night) and they thought it must be trapped somewhere in the eaves cupboards. Well we had looked several times and the night before Dan had been in there with Bert and Marion (the neighbours) trying to find it but to no avail. Marion had heard it crying through the wall all night so was quite upset and had called "the animal rescue people" whoever they are and to her astonishment a fire engine, complete with a lovely crew, turned up on their drive. So they needed to get into Daniels cottage, so asking Sam to call the in-laws to let them know I would be late I went over the field and let them in. Oooh there was a lovely pair of blue eyes (and apparently he was in Gladiators some years back), and a very nice man in charge, another older chap and a young girl too. So we all trooped in and the search began again - now who has ever heard of a cat that will come out when there are strangers all over the place, lots of noise and it's already trapped and scared? Well of course it didn't and lots of too'ing and fro'ing to next door eventually determined that the cat (they call it Pickles but Dan called it Errol the Ferral, may have mentioned it before) was trapped in the small roof space above Daniels water storage tank, so they needed my permission to take out the plaster board ceiling above the tank - no problem. So to cut a long story short they did this, cat still stayed hidden but we went down to the kitchen to do the paper work and left Bert and Marion and a bowl of tuna with the cat, he was out in another half an hour. The lovely firemen went back to the station to wash their fire engine and I went off to the in-laws to entertain them with the mornings excitement.
So after all my plans for the day I still have a heap of towels on my bed from the airing cupboard I had planned to tidy, the floor still needs hoovering and we had a make do dinner tonight from the freezer (cottage pie I made a couple of weeks ago). 

Helen I'm glad you felt better about going to the cemetary with Pauls footie flowers, it's good that his parents keep it nice for you as you mustn't feel bad that you don't want to go, why upset yourself with Paul is with you all the time rather than just at the grave.  We all find comfort in different ways and although Steve's ashes are at home in his garden I talk to him more indoors and put flowers by his photo.  I think the headstones and benches and special things you have all done for your dear ones is lovely as it is all individual, which is what we are and what they were too.  Sorry waffling and rambling, probably not making much sense either.

Dottee, don't apologise or feel bad, you haven't upset anyone we all need to talk about things and if we don't feel able then we don't comment on things for a few days.  I read all of Doris Stokes books many years ago, I think I still have them in the study, but sadly don' feel the presence like the lady did you mention, I think sometimes I try too hard to tune into things, but there are times that I know Steve is with me and I do believe there is something more than just this life. 

I'm off now to finish my cider and give someone else a go on the soap box.  Love and hugs to you all and if you want it I will have the fire going on the ledge again, strangely I just found I had to lie curled up and staring into space last night so having you lot there alongside was good - hope you are feeling better Ailsa, you can share my fluffy blanket whenever you want. xxxxx

Evening all - I started this post to say 'sorry' for saying 'sorry' so often then realised that was daft ....so I'll just forget it!!!!!  I seem to have spent my whole life apologising for something or other that I've done - it's a hard habit to break!!!!!

Dogs and cats???  You can 'own' a dog and persuade him (or her) to do as you want - but a cat is too independent and will rule your home with an iron claw!!!!  Years ago we gave a cat a home and she pretty much ruled the roost.......But she did have strange tastes and loved chicken curry (this was when the dreaded 'Vesta' curry was the 'in thing'!!). She used to bring us a 'gift' each morning - a small bird....or other creature .......lined up alongside the milk bottles on the doorstep!!!!!!!  Sadly we had to leave her behind when we were moved on by the Army and she went to rule the life of a local retired teacher!!!!!  It was only after our boys arrived on the scene did we venture into the dog-world - we knew we would not be going abroad again by that time so felt that we could introduce resident animals into the family!!!!!!!  A life of unconditional love, non-judgemental attitude, and bones buried under the carpet....................

crumbs Esme, what a palaver! my neighbour's cat once got stuck under the bonnet of the car and they had no less than 3 fire engines turn up. Hope no-one's house burnt down in the meantime!

Dottee, please don't ever be sorry for being you. You are a kind, caring and giving person and a valued member of this thread. I for one miss you when you are not here.

Rosemary, I hope that you got enjoyed your makeshift meal and that th family were amused by your story.

Helen, it is not for everyone to visit their loved ones in their 'special place'. Please don't feel bad about this because the whole point is that you do what is best for you.

I hope that everyone is having a good evening.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Evening everyone,

Lesley - you didn't upset me, or not in a bad way if you know what I mean lol!  Judi was right.  I need to let it in sometimes but most of the time it hurts too much till it builds up and then a post strikes a chord with me and  I have a good cry (which I did this morning) and it all subsides for at least another wee while.  I think I probably need to confront a few things but don't feel able.  I have taken away all pictures of Wully that I had up for the minute but hopefully in the near future I will be ready to put them back up again. 

Rosemary - what a palaver with the cat but glad you sorted it out and had such helpful firemen (& firewoman).  Helen, good to hear you had a good weekend but very disappointed in your shopping abilities lady!  I will definitely need to show you the ropes lol.  Dot, don't every apologise - we all know you are a good friend to us.  Lynne, glad to see you have the internet back!  Sue, had to laugh at the post in caps then the end bit where you said you couldn't be bothered we writing it.

Well I am off to do some housework then the wii fit then bed.  Been a funny day and a bit emotional but that serves me right for getting drunk lol. 

Patricia, Ailsa, Fiona, Manda, Dave and everyone else - hope you are doing okay and the weekend went as well as it could.

There was something else I wanted to say and I can't for the life of me remember so I am going to hit post them jump up and down because I will remember what it was!

Gayle xxx

Gayle - are you still jumping up and down???  Just don't call us at 3 in the morning if you remember then!!!!!!  Sue - I too had a smile at your post in caps.........but what has strained my eyes was Rosemary's post - half of it in the smallest possible font!!!!!!!  I had my nose almost on the monitor to read it!!!  Poor puss stuck up there.............I'd have thrown myself off the shelf at the lovely men in uniform.................

Sending love and lots of comforting ((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))) to all............Dot xxxxx