My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Evening everyone. 

Lynne the headstone is lovely, thanks for the pictures. 

It has been an odd day, I am sure you have all seen the news about the family in Oswestry where the mother and daughter have been found dead in their home and the father then committed suicide.  That is where my parents live and I grew up in that road.  I was very friendly with the family that had previously lived in the house, it was such a shock to see it on the tv in reception at work.  The sound was down so I didn't know what it was about but recognised the road and house straight away and asked them to turn the volume up.  Although I don't know that poor family I still found it quite unnerving.  My sister works with the daughter, from a previous marriage of the mother, and my mum and dad are quite friendly with the Headmaster of the school that Frankie, the young girl went to.  The school are completely in shock as only last year another pupil was killed by her father.   Sometimes I wonder why there is such cruelty in the world.   

Don't mean to sound downbeat, it just has thrown me tonight.  Am going to have a mug of hot chocolate and an early night I think. 

Loads of love to all.  Judi xxxx

Oh Judi - what a shock for you.................and to hear this in such a public place too.........A big (((((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))) for you this morning xxxxxxxxxxxx

Sorry my retired brain cell has refused to work this morning and so I will leave love and (((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))) for you all  Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Good morning everyone

Fiona, I didn't hear about the group counselling. One weekend when I was at a very low point I went on the Internet and did a search for my area. It came up with this group which is at the hospice just down the road. I rang on the off chance that I might be allowed to go, although Colin had never been in the hospice. It was not a problem. I found the session much better than 1:1 as there was no pressure to keep talking, people just chipped in, like being with a group of friends. If it went quiet the counsellor threw in a question to get things moving again.

I had a bad day at work yesterday, which was odd, as I had been feeling OK. But throughout the day, people kept asking if I was OK and when I started talking the tears kept coming. Maybe they could see something in me I didn't know I was feeling, weired. Anyway I am determined to try and be positive today, the tears don't change anything do they?

I have nothing planned at all apart from the usual, ironing etc. I am lying in bed just now and looking outside the weather looks great, a beautiful clear blue sky. I think I will go and do my shopping and then either go for a walk or take the train into Manchester to have a mooch about!

I will book my train tickets this weekend, along with order my prescription, phone the post office, order a cat house and all the other bits and bobs I have not got round to doing!!

Naughty Alisa and Fiona, you really should make some proper food for yourselves! I know, I'm one to talk but the ready meals are not like home cooking! I made a hot pot the other day, I got so sick of ready meals and I was finding it difficult to cook because of my arm. Anyway I made a huge pot full and was feeling pretty pleased with myself, thought it would do for at least 3 meals. Great until I came to take it over to the oven and I couldn't lift the blessed thing up, had to call SIL to put it in oven and then take it out hours later, lol.

Lynne loved the pics, like others have said I'm sure you will find great peace there.

Anyway I'm not going to waste this lovely weather, so time to get up and get moving. Have a nice day all.

Love Lesley xxxxx

Morning everyone

Judi just seen that on the news as I was reading your post strangely enough. Very sad x

Lynne thanks for the pics, it is really lovely x Hope your mouth is feeling better.

Fiona thanks for asking I am ok, enjoy your weekend xx

Lesley the group councelling sounds great, like you say easier having a chat in a group than 1 - 1. Bit like coming on here but more instant replies lol x Enjoy your day.

Ailsa, busy weekend for you. Sounds like fun!!

Manda hope you get everything sorted. It is a nightmare but you ll get there xx

Gayle how s the finger? You got anything exciting planned this weekend?

Rosemary I ll have to make time to read your blog and story this weekend

I had a girly night with Nat last night, we watched a dvd and had a nice tea. No internet lol!!

Pauls mum and dad called round earlier in the evening, I had a few silly jobs that I didnt think I oculd do but when Father in  law got here I unblocked the u bend under my bath (eeh it was full of hair!) he observed to check I d put it back on properly and my light in the utility room had gone, yes I changed the bulb!! been in the dark all week but when FIL looked the fuse switch under the light switch had been turned off. DOH!!! I now have light!!!

Going to catch up on jobs today...watch the footie at lunchtime Liverpool v Everton. Liam is going. Going to take some flowers to Paul s grave later then quiet night unless I go to local for a couple. Shopping in Liverpool with Nat tomorrow.

Dave, Dottie. Patricia and everyone else I might have forgotten, sorry!!! hope you all have a good weekend

Lotsof love Helen xxx

Morning ladies,

I am doing fine.  Back feeling a bit moochy again lol.  I am feeling a bit better after the antibiotics but not quite 100% and my finger is still slightly sore so just hoping it gets better itself as I hated the antibiotics more.  I am always like that on them but rarely need them.  The last time I had them Wully was in the Beatson (he had given the whole family strep throat) and was reacting to painkillers in the Beatson but because they didn't know him it was only I that could see he was getting increasingly confused so spent the day on the phone to consultants in between throwing up because I couldn't drive through to speak to them in person!

My sister moved house yesterday so managed to help out there although thankfully there wasn't that much needing done as still feeling washed out so I was mostly on kitchen duty!

Tonight I am going to an Ann Summers party then the local pubs!  Not exactly my ideal choice of night (the AS part) but hey ho.  I am going with a girl that I was best friends with at school and afterwards and then lost touch about 10 years ago when I moved away to live with Wully.  We have been in touch for about a year now through Facebook and kept saying we should meet up now that I am back in the area so she had messaged me this week and invited me and I thought well what else am I doing and although it will be weird seeing her I am looking forward to it.  The pubs we are going to I haven't been to since I was about 21 and were my weekend haunt then so it will be very strange and I will probably feel ancient lol. 

Helen, glad you had a nice night with Nat.  Enjoy the shopping tomorrow.  Fiona, glad you are well and Charlie is keeping you busy.  Lynne, hope the mouth is still good.  Judi, that was a tragic story and must have been horrible seeing in such a familiar place.

Bug higs to everyone else - think I am catching that loss of memory from all you lot!

Gayle xxxx

Hi, everyone

Judes, i heard that story on the news and it made my blood run cold - how much worse it must be for you, knowing the area and the family.

I had a lovely letter yesterday from someone who had just heard about alan. She is 50 now, but remembers when she was a member of Alan's youth club about 35 years ago. she wrote:' i remember fondly the youth club every friday evening and after church every Sunday.Alan gave up so much of his time, giving us something to do and somewhere to go. He became that adult person in our lives, when our parents were not the ones we wanted to talk to. I do hope that Alan knew that he did make a difference to many of us growing up in the town at that time.'

Hope you don't mind me sharing - it made me feel very proud of him.

Sue xx

Morning Sue xxx

You are right to share it and be proud. So nice that she shared those memories with you xxx

Hope your week at school has been ok, I m glad my week is over, had a few `issues` which I wont go in to but they really upset me and I needed and missed Paul so much on Thursday (even more than usual) no one to come home to and share these things with. Had a good cry all the way home which I havent done for a long time. Think its sorted now, dont want another week like that. Only 4 more days until half term!!

Have a good weekend xx

Morning everyone - Had a really good night's sleep so am feeling much more like myself today.  I didn't mean to post such a 'down' post last night but couldnt' think about anything else.  Today is another day and am planning to do some severe housework - I have a bulb out in the lights under my kitchen units and don't seem to be able to get the cover off to change the bulb, Helen could you send your FIL round!

Sue - what a lovely letter to receive - just an affirmation of how special Alan was.  You have always known it but how lovely for it to come out of the blue like that. 

Gayle - I can just imagine going back to places that you used to frequent when you were 21, and I think rather than you feeling ancient you will just think that the there are an awful lot of 'youngsters' there!  Glad your finger is feeling better, the antibiotics sounded horrible hun.   

Lesley, how good are you cooking hotpot etc for yourself.  I can assure you that you would have a lot of offers of help if you get stuck again ..... quite a few of us would form an orderly queue to put it in the oven ...... as long as we get to eat it too!  Get on and book your train tickets ..... now!!!!  I think hun that you are exactly right about your 'weird' day at work.  I have recently been told by someone I trust that these days I have a 'different look' about me.  And in months gone by although I thought I was fine that others could just 'tell' it was not a good day.  So I imagine that maybe you are the same hun.  special hugs to you. And no, tears don't change anything but they can sometimes be a release of emotion enabling you to start again for a wee while.

Fiona, we had heavy rain on Thursday night so finally, finally, we have got rid of our iced up and snowy pavements and gardens.  I am just hoping that is stays away for a while now.  Even with my new wellies I am 'so over snow' as they say.  What news from Darren?

Dottee, hope that you and Alan have a good weekend, I have been reading about your holiday plans - hope you find somewhere very special.  I laughed when I read about Alan refusing the 'self-parking' caravan gadget.  That is such a 'male' thing isn't it - love gadgets for somethings, but not when it comes to 'maleness'. 

Helen, I read Marley and Me in one sitting and was crying my eyes out so decided that the film maybe wasnt' such a good idea!  but perfect for a Mum and Nat evening.  Now you will have to find a Mum and Liam film!!

To everyone else, have a good weekend - hope everyone has something that they are looking forward to. 

Loads of love Judi xxx

Sue, what a beautiful letter.  It would have made you very proud xx

Thanks, Gayle, Judi, Helen

Good news day - my daughter has passed her driving test!!!!

Hoorah!

Sue xx