My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

FormerMember
FormerMember
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My husband - Chris - died on the 2nd May 2009 because he had anal cancer. He knew he was going and we spoke about lots and lots of things before he died. That is why I am just not prepared for the huge amount of guilt I feel now. I feel guilty that the world hasn't stopped turning round even though he has died. I feel like everything should stop as a mark of respect. I also feel very guilty that he had to be so ill he had to die. What a cruel cruel thing it is to make someone so ill their body just stops working. I wasn't ready for him to go. I really really hope these are normal feelings because I must hang on to my sanity for the sake of my 3 children. I have never known sadness like I feel right now. I can't believe that I will not hear his voice or feel his touch again. We were married for almost 32 years and I have known Chris for 34 years - since I was 16. What happens now? Ailsa

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    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Note to all penguins - we must all look after our teeth!!

    Judi xxx

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    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Lesley - I am delighted that the counselling went better than imagined.  I think I would have been like you and been surprised to see mostly men ...... does that make me sexist??  Hats off to them for going, I do think it can be harder for them to open up, but then maybe that's why they do go, cos they don't have a huddle of penguins to turn to most days.

    London Calling (I think it was the Clash!)

    Judi xxx

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    Hi Lesley.  I'm glad it went well and that you will go back.  Sleep well.  Ailsa xx

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    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Morning all - just stopping off to leave love and bug higs for all xxx  Oh!!  just remembered - Ailsa it will be lovely to meet at Ponte..............I'll be the one in pink!!!!!!! xx

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    Hello All - just sneaking in a quick post while I ak at work...

    Lesley I am glad that you found the conselling session helpful... I'm still waiting to hear about mine yet. There are monthly group sessions on offer at the hospice that Miles was as, but I'm not sure I'm ready for a 'group' yet, and not sure how I would be going back to the hospice. I have got my name down for 1:1 but nothing yet...

    Lynne you poor thing! Maybe forgetting it was going to happen wasn't such a bad thing, I would have been getting stressed about it if it had been me!  Love the picture Judi - and yes me must all look after our teeth - and (a timely reminder from Ailsa) try and eat properly too... I've just taken your advice Rosemary and nipped over to M&S for a 'healthy ready meal' option for over the weekend. Going out for a curry tonight with SIL - not so healthy but at least it counts as a proper meal!

    Yesterday was a bit traumatic - still having to deal with tax man, bank and probate, but think that it should be finally sorted soon - then the fun will really start, as Miles family won't like what was in his will :( Oh well, will try not to worry about it until it happens...

    Hope everyone is OK, much love, Manda xx

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    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Evening all just a quick one , i'm trying to send you all pics but some are going some are not , i'll appologise if your getting loads of the same thing , i'll be back when i can sort it out . Hope everybody is ok xxxxx

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    Hi everyone.  Lynne I got 3 pictures.  They were so worth it.  The headstone is wonderful.  I haven't seen a headstone like that before and I love the photo and the drums.  When the warm weather comes round and the grass aroundabout grows back both Chris & Gordons graves are going to be a real place of refuge for us both as I am sure everyone else's special places are as well.  I have been putting new flowers in Chris's vases again today.  Can't wait until it is warm enough for me to sit and read when I go through.  Well done again though Lynne xxx.

    Rosemary I had to go into town after work today so I took the opportunity to get some nice food from M & S for my tea.  I have a fasting MOT at 9:30 in the morning so I am 2 hours into not being allowed to eat anything.  I think the nice meal and the glass of red wine will keep me going until they have done my tests in the morning.  I wonder what they will say about my health?

    Sorry you are having such a bad time with the bank and probate Manda.  I got most things sorted really quickly like Lesley but I am having one ongoing issue with my bank.  I have made a formal complaint now but they seem to be ignoring that as well.  I will wait until the middle of this month and then ring them again.  I have had to threaten them with the FSA.

    What is everyone up to over the weekend?  I am having a quiet evening tonight but I have a friend coming round tomorrow afternnon and Stu's girldfriend is coming round tomorrow evening.  I have just been invited to a neighbour for dinner on Sunday and Toni will come to see me on Sunday as well.  I hope I see Stu sometime as well.

    Right I am off for a wiggle on my wii fit ready for the RFL.  Take care.  Ailsa xxx 

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    Thanks Ailsa , yes it is a fitting tribute , it was what he always wanted the drums and i was pleased when the stonemason said it wasn't a problem , i haven't seen a headstone like that either and thats why S/D and i picked it . It is big't ger than i thought , i've sent a pic with me stood at the side of it , its almost as big as me lol . I'm going looking for some new fencing to put round it tommorow . I want some black to go with the head stone . Not sure where i'll get it from , like you say roll on the summer , i cant wait to just sit again xx Amanda sorry you had a rough time sorting things out , i did too but it does get sorted in the end , its just that you dont need that stress on top of everything else . Stay strong xx Lesley i'm glad that the councilling wasn't  to traumatic , good luck with your next session , Have you got those train tickets yet . xx I'm babysitting Maddie tonight but she hasn't moved all nightquite dissapointing lol xx Where is Helen are you ok ? Hope evrybody else is ok too and having a good evening xxxxxxx

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    have a good weekend, my friends

    sue xx

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    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Evening All,  London sounds good, Lesley. Glad you got on ok at the counselling i was not told about any counselling in my area. Ailsa i know what you mean about cooking for one, it's a good job Kim and my sister have me for tea as i don't make anything right for myself usually just a ready meal. Lynne headstone is lovely, Where Derek is buried we are not aloud to put more than flowers down, no fences etc. Hope your mouth not too sore.  Amanda hope you get everything sorted out soon it is an nightmare but you do get there. Rosemary i read the  chapter of your book it was really good, i love reading books. Helen hope you are ok? Our meet not that long now i am so looking forward to it. Galye hope you are feeling a bit better now. Judi have you still got snow? We had more but didn't lie for long thank god we have had enough. I have been at dad's for dinner tonight and spent the evening with him and seen him in to bed. I am working half day tomorrow all the new stock coming in just could buy Charlie it all. Well i am off to bed now and hope everyone else doing ok i have nothing planned for the rest of the weekend but plenty to do in house. Luv and Hugs to you all Fiona xxxxxxxxx