My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Oops - Fiona I meant for Charlie to 'stir' a little, not sit - I am assuming he is not that advanced!!! J x

Hello All

Thanks so much for your opinions about the counselling. I am going to set off in about an hour. As Colin was never in the hospice it holds no memories for me there. When I spoke to the matron who holds the group sessions, over the phone, she was great, I wish I had, had her for the 1:1 sessions I tried. I feel a bit nervous about meeting new people and am not quite sure what to expect, I hope it does not set me back as I have felt reasonably OK this last couple of days but as we all know the negative mood can and does return, so I don't want to not go and then regret it. I have begun to realise I am not going to ever feel the way I did before Colin died and it is going to take some time, if ever, before I feel anything like 'normal'.

It seems I will have to start using the post it notes as someone suggested, I already have them on my desk at work but felt I was on top of things and didn't need them!  I have also noticed I am spending time when I should be working just staring into space, I don't mean to do and didn't realise I was until I started doing full days again. I will be sat doing something at my desk and then when I look up again I have wasted 15 mins or so obviously staring at the wall, computer, paper etc. I hope they don't think I am being lazy, I don't realise at the time that it is happening.

Lynne, I am glad everything was as you wanted it and hope your mouth is feeling OK, I hate going to the dentist.

Helen, I only have a dental appointment planned for HT, I thought about going away for a couple of days but then thought it would be better if I saved my money until the summer holiday, ours is 7 weeks this time and I have nothing planned. I wondered about going to London on the train and spending a couple of nights there, lots of shops!!!!! Am I brave enough to go alone??? I will miss going away with my lovely hubbie, it's just not the same with no-one to share things with is it?  :-(

Anyway I had better get ready I suppose, wish me luck!

Love Lesley xx

Hi everyone.  Finally managed to get on here a bit earlier tonight - must be getting a bit more on top of things again.  Good luck Lesley with the counselling.  Good luck to you Lynne as well with the dentist.  I haven't heard anything yet about my hospital dental appointment - you won't notice me complaining!!!  Hi Bren - hope your drain's fine now.  I'm not very good at looking after myself and eating properly without Chris.  I try but it is often too much trouble.  It is a good job kind people take pity on me now and again and feed me.  I eat better if I have visitors as it seems more worthwhile making something.

Gayle I hope you start to feel better soon.  Those antibiotics sound like they are taking their toll.  My Dad always suffers badly with an upset stomacj when he takes antibiotics.  Get snuggled and try to sleep it away.

Fiona I hope you have a good trip to London to see your aunt.  It is so lovely that you will go all that way to keep an eye on your mum's sister.

Becky has found another house to rent this evening.  The one she is in is up for sale so she needs to move out.  Looks like she has found somewhere bigger so she will be on the move again in April.  Only a short way this time though.

I need to go and do some ironing so speak again later.  Only 37 sleeps to go now!  Take care everyone. Ailsa xxx

Evening all , Lynne is a poor feeling  sorry for her self penguin tonight but by the time i've posted this i know i'll be feeling better . I had 2 teeth out , 1 wisdom and i dont know how i missed her telling me that last time , she must have told me but i probably wasn't listening , anyway without going into to much detail as i know your waiting for your hospital appointment Ailsa but my tooth didn't want to be parted form its cosy gum , any way it put up a good fight but the dentist won (eventually) . It wasn't really painfull just uncomfortable ,thank goodness its over with now , i came home had a little cry and went to sleep for a couple of hours .

 Lesley good luck with the counciling and i hope its not to traumatic for you . Maybe you could ask anyone if they want to meet you in London if your going on your own (Lynne steps forward lol ) We could all talk about it in Newcastle and maybe others would like to go too xx Sue i'm expecting a good picture of you tonight xx Just a quick one , i'm going to try and eat something soft , who need Paul mc , just have a couple of teeth out . Gayle hope your feeling a bit better now xx Hi everybody xxxxx

Yup feeling better xxxxxxxx

Lesley, hope the counselling goes well I think sometimes it can stir things up and they get worse before they get better so hang in there.  One thing I would suggest though is to look into the Bach Flower remedies (in fact we could probably all do with them), Rescue Remedy is the most well known but there are a whole range of them and they work on balancing the emotions.  Google it (must be my favourite phrase) and have a look at the "symptoms" and the suggested remedies to help with them - anything from grief and bereavement to worry about unnecessary things.  They really do work and you can mix up to 6 different remedies in one go and then you only need to sip them in a glass of water for them to start working, in fact you can have a bottle of water on the go all day for "top ups".

Ailsa, not eating properly young lady?  Not having that, you are important and Chris would be rather cross with you for not looking after yourself, how about inviting people for dinner more often and always doing a bit extra to freeze for when you are on your own?  Tesco and Sainsburys both do yummy ready meals (as do M&S) for a bit of a treat and as most of the portions are for two just split them, bag them up and freeze one half - £10.00 for a meal including a bottle of wine (you have to do it for the bottle of wine!), can't be bad if it then covers you for two meals on a work night can it?  Hope Becky's move goes well, does that mean you will be heading this way again to visit the new place?

Gayle, any idea what has got into your finger? If the anti biotics are really making you feel bad stop taking them and start bathing your finger in salt water three times a day.  If you think there is a splinter or something in there you can get a paste from Boots (will look up the name of it later) and you put a blob on, wrap it up for a few hours and it draws the nasties out - the nurses amongst us will be able to tell you more about that I'm sure. 

Lynne, hope the dentist went alright, take parecetemol and snuggle down in front of the tv with a warm drink.  Fiona, enjoy London!  Dottee much love to you and Alan, hope you are both ok tonight xxxxxx  Judi where are you?  Oh I think I saw you earlier on the other page - sorry have lost it all now, I've nagged the others so much.  Love to you all, Patricia, Quill, Hazel, Sue

Ah yes Sue!  And is there another teacher or two on here?  I need help (Sue why aren't we friends already I was going to pm you earlier?)  Can you remember back to when you were interviewed for your teaching post?  Please can you give me a run down of how it was, what was asked etc any anecdotes you might want to add - I need it for my book.  You will be remembered in the bit in the front I promise!

Ok off now, will look in again later, love to everyone and especially anyone who I haven't mentioned. xxxx

Evening girls - I've been following your posts even if not saying much - can't think of anything to say really.  But I have a suggestion regarding the anti-b's - last time i had to take them I also had one of those pro-biotic drinks each morning and found I didn't suffer so badly with upset tummies etc.  Maybe it was 'all in my head' but for what it's worth it worked for me!!!!  Ailsa if you've time could you pop over here and pick up my ironing too???  I've just filled the basket.............Oh well looks like I'll be doing it in the morning!!!!!!  Lynne - hope all went well for you today......

Sending love and lots of comforting (((((((((((hugs)))))))))) to you all  Dot xxxxxxxxxx

Evening Rosemary - we're both fine though a bit tired after a day of retail therapy(?) - not sure how therapeutic as we decided to go to Meadowhell!!!!!  Still it got Alan out of the house for a while...................Dot xxxxxxxxxxx

Hi again - this is nice having more time to myself tonight.  You're right Rosemary - I should try harder to eat properly.  I had a meal on Saturday night at Becky's but I haven't bothered since.  I have a fasting MOT at the doctors on Saturday at 9:30 so I am not allowed to eat after 7:30 tomorrow night but then I have Stu's girlfriend coming round on Saturday evening so that will be an excuse to cook.  Doesn't sound good when I say that outload though does it - I only have a meal once a week.  Note to self - try harder.

I did half my ironing Dot but the other half can wait until tomorrow night now.  I am going to have half an hour on my wii fit!!

Lynne I was thinking exactly the same when Lesley mentioned going to London on her own but also thought the self same second thought - talk about it in Newcastle.  I am so looking forward to that weekend.

I will definately be down your way again shortly for Becky's move Rosemary.  I may be down on the 19th February as well as I have to return Declan to Becky.  I am not sure what is happening though that weekend as my sister wants to meet with me as well.  If I don't get a chacne to visit with you that weekend I will be down again soon after that anyway.  I would love to get to see you and with Becky so close to you it is too good a chance to miss.

Last night I registered myself for 2 of the RFL's - Wakefield & Pontefract, hence the wii fit.  I am doing the afternoon race at Ponte Dot so as I think you are as well we will have to arrange to find each other there.

Right - this isn't getting me fit is it?  Take care.  Ailsa xxx

Sorry Lynne - I got carried away with thoughts of meeting up with Rosemary.  Hope you are okay and don't worry about me and the detail - I'll get over it.  2 teeth eh?  You will have to listen more carefully.  I hope you found something you could eat xxx

Well just got in from the group counselling and I feel OK. It went much better than I expected. I did get a little upset at times but it was by far better than the 1:1 session I had.

I kept imagining if you were all at the session with me, we would probably all end up down the pub or at someone's house, lol. As it was it was all men apart from me and another lady! I guess I imagined all women as it's mostly women on here. It was nice to chat to them though and hear how it is from a man's perspective. I will almost certainly go again in March. It was  good that nobody had to speak, you could just listen if you wanted to.

Anyway have just had a nice glass of wine, so think I will get off to bed now. Night, night lovely ladies and Dave!

Hugs Lesley xx