My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Lol at Lynne, you should be dopey  :-)) I am Lesley not Amanda!!!

Ha ha See Lesley , told you i was dopey lolxxxx

Ahh still feeling sorry for myself but you have cheered me up.  Hurts like hell to type!  Not sure what I have done as I don't have a cut or anything and never had a poisoned finger before but yes I am a big wimp. 

Lynne, you did an amazing job with that guy and your strength and bravery meant a family had him home to follow his and there wishes - you should be very very proud of yourself because I am proud of you!

Off to mooch about again and have a cup of tea.  Think I will mooch off to bed early too - I hate these type of days so hopefully tomorrow I will wake up feeling buzzing with energy although not much chance of that lol.

Take care everyone.

Gayle xxx

Sorry was trying to post a picture but it didn't work, I will have to try again when I get home from work.  I guess that means I should be working.  Lynne you are welcome anytime, always room for penguins

Three pages girls, three pages!  I have read it all and hugged you, laughed with you and had a little tear on the brink for you too, but can I remember what I wanted to say to you all?  Nah, not a bit of it, except at one point I did think "ditto all of that" but I can't remember who's post it was, maybe Judi's!  Anyway, welcome to Hazel, you might wonder about the penguin theme but it is only that we are all grouping together to look after each other and support each other like a "huddle of penguins" and if anyone is really down they are nudged to the middle to be kept warm and coddled, we all take it in turns.  Please stay with us, there is always room for another one in the huddle. xxx

Well I have been tearing around like a mad thing all weekend and eating meals here, mum and dads and here again, my tummy is bursting and I MUST go on a diet, but Samantha's birthday is here and she says she has enjoyed it, doing exactly what she wanted to do and having a roast dinner with Daniel and I tonight, so that is a good thing.  I have done the only thing mums can do to help the hurt of not having her dad here and that is to bite my tongue, lip or whatever and hide the tears that keep welling up - she actually said earlier that she does miss him today, but then she misses him every day so not any more so on her birthday (that was a proper lump in the throat moment).  So the only thing I thought I could do is not let her see me wallowing and cause her tears and it seems to be working. 

I have posted the first chapter for you all (on my blogs Tanglewood), wasn't sure if it would all go on a blog post but it seemed to take it alright.  Not sure if I will be able to put it all on there though because, although I am more than happy for all you penguins to read it, I remembered that this is a public site (yes, they let others in!!) so if I want to publish it at some point it's probably best not to put the whole lot where it can be seen.  If anyone wants to follow further maybe you could pm me your emails and I can forward it along as it gets written (how cool does that sound?)  I'm not offended if you don't and I won't mind any comments you wish to make - be blunt, the publishers and agents will.

Off to edit some more and hopefully start writing fresh again soon.  Love and hugs to you all and hope the week has started well for you all. (Anyone heard from Dave lately?) xxxxxxxx

Evening All,  Hope everyone ok tonight, special hugs to you Gayle and hope you feel better tomorrow. Had Charlie in this morning before i went to work, he is growing so fast and he now has stories for his granny. Heard from Darren this morning still no work as yet so he is just doing his trips in case his money runs out and he needs to come home. We all find it hard for our family Kim really struggling just now lots of tears, i don't know if i really help her as i end up crying with her. I hate to see her hurting so much. Well i am going to do some knitting then off to bed early, speak soon.

Luv and Hugs Fiona xxxxxx

Hello All, have just read and caught up with all your news, but can I remember what I wanted to say??? I blame lack of sleep!

Thanks for all your support over the last couple of days - I have no idea what happened to push me off the ledge, but I have felt a little better today. Managed to drag myself into work (late, but luckily they don't mind) and at least there is a good night on TV tonight!

Fiona, as yours was the last thing I read, I remember what I wanted to say to you! I'm glad to hear that you are spending lovely time with Charlie, there is nothing like little ones to lift your sprits a bit. I'm sure that you do help Kim even if you end up crying... I actually find it easier to let it all out if someone cries with me. If I am with people who do the strong stoic thing it makes me feel like I have to pull myself together... xx

Rosemary, I'll send you my email - i'd love to keep reading! And I thought your idea about the 'support' book was fantastic! Bren, glad that you are over your cold. Careful about saying penguins are welcome anytime, you might get a shock when you open your front door! Gayle hope the tablets kick in soon, mooch on until your fell a bit better. Lynne, you were so brave on Friday hun... If only everyone was as thoughtful for their patients as you are. xx

OK - brain has stopped working now. So I will just say hope all of you other lovely penguins are well. Much love to all of you. Manda xx

PS. heard from Dave on facebook a few days ago...

Whoaaaaa ..... I only went to walk the dogs and you have all been typing like mad!!!  As we have most of the dwarfs sorted what do you girls think about making Dave honorary Doc!  I will admit at times to practising for the role of Wiked Step-Mother........ and before you say a word Lynne North, no you do NOT qualify, you are far too nice.

Fiona, I tend to think that Manda may have a point, you can't be 'strong' all the time for Kim, and I suspect that she appreciates that you know exactly how she feels.  Personally I think that the pair of you are amazing, babies are wonderful but take it out of you, and I know Darren is terrific at keeping in touch, but you shouldn't discount the emotions of his presence not being so constant.  I am still in two minds as to whether to wish him home early for you or to wish he finds a job!!!

Lesley - seriously, seriously, seriously - please do not think you are going mad re your memory.  It was a massive problem for me for quite a few months.  And I mean a real problem.  I couldn't remember who had phoned me, what we had talked about.  Sometimes I could remember that I had discussed something very important with so and so, but genuinely had no idea what it was.  I woudl make arrangements to meet someone and have no idea who or where.  And this was all the time.  It will improve, I promise.  Our GP told me quite seriously that he believes that if you are caring for somebody for any length of time your body and mind can carry on for incredible periods of time, however when that 'need' has gone, your mind and body 'lets' itself recover and does not work at full capacity until it believes it has recouperated, this can take months and months.  Post-its, that is my suggestion - they were all over my house for months.  Only way I managed. 

Rosemary, I am so glad that you did nothing but eat all weekend enjoyed your weekend as much as possible.  Samantha sounds an absolute sweetheart.

I now have to go and trawl the TV, Manda seems to think it is a good night, but I can't find anything to watch, I need to go and see what she has found that I didn't!

Loads of love to all

Judi xxx

Judi, special (((((angel hugs)))))) for you for tomorrow x x x

To everyone else I hope that your pain and hurt feels a little less tomorrow. I do not have any profound words of wisdom for you but I just want you to know that I am thinking of you all and hoping that your roller coaster is in better control than mine. Anyway, take care everyone and well done for all the wonderful things you do for each other.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x