My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Oh bummer, today is destined to be one of those awful ones. Crying already. Grrr...... Just missing ray so much today. it has just hit me that 2010 is the first year that I will live through that Ray has not been alive in. Does that make any sense. I feel so selfish because I am feeling sorry for myself. I must pull myself together

Ah Patricia ((((((((hugs ))))))))))) wish i was closer to you hun , i'd give you a proper hug , you've done so well your bound to slip back a little , huddle closer , i'm on the outside xxxxxx, we'll get you through it xxxxxxxxxxx

Thanks you. I don't know what has got into me. i started off the day so well and then suddenly it was like I had been hit with a sledge hammer. So selfish of me when others are just starting out on this terrible journey. I should try to be stronger. I hate being so needy. Maybe I am just now coming to realisation of my plight. I don't know. Sorry to be so miserable instead of helping others through their ordeal. x x x

Morning penguins

I m joining the conga to Judi`s house, will be a good day!!!!

Patricia hang in there, wish I could give you answers but we can just be here for you xxx

Manda hope you and H have got away today and have a great time.

Lynne glad you had a nice birthday, your family photos are lovely.

Fiona well done to your niece, brrrr...cold!!

Lesley so glad you`re having some good days, they do come to be more regular as time goes by.

Sue when do you go back to work? I m Tuesday but must admit I`m quite looking forward to being back.

Im having a meal with friends today, neighbour is cooking for us all. Don`t think he`s Gordon Ramsay but we ll have a laugh and a few drinks. Won`t be as good as the open house at Judy`s though!!

Have a good day everyone

Helen xxx

Morning everyone.  If I set off straight away do you think I can join the penguin conga to Judi's - how fast can penguins move??  It has snowed again here if that helps!

I know how you are feeling Patricia - I believe that is the same way I feel.  I feel bleak & sad & lonely but I don't want to feel like that.  Like you I feel guilty about wallowing.  I think the important thing is we know we are feeling like that and we don't want to.  That will, I am sure help us to shake it off.  I have avoided people most of this weekend.  It means I am well rested so now I think the best thing I can do is go and find some people.  I'm not good at making me smile - that was Chris's job - so I am going to go out soon and visit my son.  They are watching footie this aft so they should be cheerier than me.  I am hoping I am low because it is Chris's birthday on Wednesday.  If that is true then we all know by now that the day is usually far less traumatic than the build up and my spirits should lift after that.  I really hope you can find something to lift your spirits as well - you know where we are xx

Hope you and H got off to Disney okay this time Manda - have a lovely time.

Lynne - I can just imagine you walking around with a penguin in your hands all day.  I have a little one and it is surprising how much comfort it is.

Good luck with the open house Judi x

Have a good day everyone.  Ailsa xx

Enjoy your meal as well Helen.  I fancy a nice meal out.  Ailsa x

Patricia , your not moaning and your not selfish , its a crappy journey we are on and noone knows which way its going to take us , we can only be here for you hun , and i hope you made it to your sons ok xxx Helen enjoy your meal , stop rubbing it in about DRINKING cos i cant lol only a few more days , I'm supposed to be going out on wed night with my sisters for my birthday so i'm trying to get 5 days of antibiotics in , in 4 and half days lol , i can do it , xx Ailsa yes you can join us on the penguin march , with what i've seen penguins dont walk very fast but when they get tired they slide on there bellys , how cool is that ? . All the kids are coming for lunch so i'd better get on with it , Yes everyone that was in the pictures on face book , they are great really , have you noticed how comfortabl;e they look in the back ground lol .. Hope Amanda has made it and hope everybody is having a good day xxx

Speak later  

Take care xx

 Lynne xxxx 

Hello all

Patricia and Ailsa, huddle close. Don't feel bad about 'wallowing', sometimes you just have to go with the way you feel. Let it all out on here, after all that's what your friends on here are for to listen and support you when you are at your lowest. I am still feeling calm but have had enough days like you are describing to know sometimes you just have to talk about how you are feeling before you can climb back up the ladder.

I have had another productive day. Have dug my car out of the snow and gritted outside my house, so hopefully I will be able to get to work tomorrow. Dinner is prepared and am wondering whether to stick a film on for the rest of the afternoon. Still can't understand why I feel so calm as have spent most of the weekend alone. Maybe someone injected me with peaceful drugs in the night! Not that I am complaining but always wary incase the despondancy creeps back.

My kitten has decided I am not a monster after all and that he quite likes me. For the last 2 days he has actually come to me and curled up on my knee for a cuddle, very relaxing.

Helen, enjoy your meal out and your last day before returning to work!

Judi, hope all goes well with your open house, makes sure you have plenty of fishy snacks available!

Hmm can't remember what everyone else is doing but hope you all are enjoying a peace filled day. Wonder if Manda is there yet?

Hugs to all Lesley xx

WELL, HONESTLY, jUDES.

There i was, flapping my little wings against your door, all to no avail - your mutts started barking, and frightened me so I turned and ran home as fast as my little feey would take me.

i kept slipping over on the ice, but i'm home now safe and sound.

my human now has a fluffy penguin in her bed; he is called Napoleon, because my human says he's an emperor penguin , or some such rubbish. Huh!!!

my human is currently in the process of losing the plot altogether because she has to go to work tomorrow, AND SHE DOESN'T WANT TO!!!!!!

she says it's something called 'if you don't go to work you won't be able to pay the bills' ; so i just say to her, 'Come huddle with me , human - my friends and I will look after you'.

Napolean , i'm seriously worried about human , put her on please , my ribs hurt through laughing so much xxxxt