My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Lesley, I love the idea of writing your journal entries whilst overlooking the Pennines.

Judi well doen on getting one of your sky lanterns to fly.

Lynne, no screaming when the dentist approaches please.

My night was very settled thank you. I had trouble keeping my eyes open at one point and was desperate to go to sleep. Ironic. Now I am home I have no desire for sleep. Just typical.

Love and angel hugs to everyone x x x Patricia x x x

Ha ha i'll try and be good Patricia , i'm still trying to get through to the number they gave me , but they said they might not answer it till 10 oclock . If anybody is lying around doing nothing on this cold morning , March of the penguins is on again on itv 3 at 10am , it really is worth watching or recording xxxxx

Morning everyone

Lynne hope you get through soon. Happy Birthday again, sure your lovely family will spoil you xxx

Lesley it does sound lovely and peaceful, can just picture it x

I am going to take all the decs down, do some cleaning and like Lesley do some food shopping. Paul`s mum and dad called round last night to wish me Happy New Year. His mum (out of character) said she knew how hard it was and it won`t be the same but she hopes this year can be ok for me. She doesn`t usually talk about Paul and things much so I had to swallow a lump in my throat. It must be so hard for them too, losing their only son, but they do worry about me so much.I try to be ok when they come round and stop them worrying but don`t think it always works lol x

Anyway, 1st weekend of 2010. Hope everyone can enjoy some of it. Like Lynne said earlier soon be Summer. Can`t wait!!!

Helen xxx

Morning everyone.  Happy birthday Lynne.  Good luck with the dentist today - has anyone answered the phone yet?

I had a good nights sleep last night so I am not tired today.  Actually looking forward to time on my own to get my bearings for the rest of this weekend.

Well done to Lesley and Judi for being all cleaned up already today - good luck with yours as well Helen.  I can't make a start on mine as Chris's birthday is on 12th night.  Chris traditionally had to complain about how miserable it was that all the decs came down on his birthday.  Means I can't make a start until then.  I don't mind though - I am taking Wednesday & Thursday off work for his birthday and a friend has done the same.  She is coming to stay over with me so I am going to get her to help me take the decs down.  I intend making it a good time to remember a lot of Chris's brill birthdays though - try to be more positive.  In the mean time me being me I have figured out a way to hoover my loft before we put the decs back up!  So while some of you clean your houses I will clean my loft.

Helen it is so lovely that Paul's parents look out for you like they do.  I don't see or hear a lot from Chris's family even though they aren't far away but then we didn't when he was alive.  I will need to visit 2 of his sisters this coming week.

Lynne - I will try to catch March of the Penguins today - make me feel like a part of a team.  I have it on DVD and you are right - it is a lovely film.  Think it might seem different somehow now.

Lesley - sitting on a bench, writing your journal whilst looking out over the Pennines sounds idilic.  It is close to the reason I had a bench put near Chris's grave on the cemmy here.  I don't write a journal but love to read and never made time for it before.  Chris's bench is going to make me take time out to read in 2010.  That cemmy is peaceful and a lovely suntrap in the summer so I am looking forward to that quiet time.

Judi I am glad you got your candle off.  I have been so lucky with the weather both times I have set them off.  My 21 year old niece is absolutely hooked on sky candles now.  She hadn't seen then before my mum & dad set one off on Christmas day.  She is going to intorduce her uni mates to them when she goes back.  Thanks for introducing us to them Sue.  Once again your pictures are so appropriate.

Right - off to hoover the loft.  Have a good day everyone.  Ailsa xxx

Hi Everyone,   Just catching up on all the posts, glad you all got through new year, I ended up staying with Kim and Charlie and we brought in the new year at my sisters but all very quiet.  Yesterday we went and seen my niece do her dee dip she was very brave as they had to break the ice with a digger before they could get in to the water but she done it and raised over 200 pounds for the hospice (well done to her) then we all went back to my sisters for the day (thank god for my sister as don't know how i would have got through without her and her family) It is still very slippy here and pavements really bad so my dad could not get out so we just kept  taking it in turns and seeing he was ok.

Lynne, Happy Birthday and i hope you get to see a dentist and get some painkillers. Well i am taking my decorations down today as well and have a good tidy up and then a lazy day, Just to get Darren off now not looking forward to that but i will get there. I also went to the cemmy yesterday and the flowers we put on were frozen solid, so hopefully not be long till we can get some nice fresh ones on. Mind you i am sure Derek is up there saying no more flowers please as he didn't like them.

Well off to do some housework, speak later. Luv and Hugs to you all.  Fiona xxxxx  

Just a quickie, I am snowed in again, can you believe it?

Cleaning your loft, Ailsa, I have never even been in mine, lol. It is full of cobwebs and spiders and things yuk.

I love to write in my journal, I write as if I am writing letters to Colin, I find it helps to share my thoughts and the writing is very theraputic. I decided yesterday to buy a new journal, a posh one and when I start to write in that I want to be able to add photos and postcards etc. I try not to just write when I am feeling down but also when something nice has happened.

Well on with my boots, I am going to have a trudge through the snow to visit my daughter.

Lesley x     Good luck with the cleaning ladies!

Thank you all again xxx Ailsa i think this spring cleaning lark is catching i took my tree down last monday and had a good clean up , felt better after it tho . Fiona , hope your ok hun , i know it wont be long before Darren goes , but we'll all be here for you . Yes this cold weather is playing havoc with the flowers , the times i've gone and there frozen grr , thats why i kept some for myself the other day , if it wasn't for the fakes and wreathes i'd be doing my head in now . Well got my anti biotics , got to make an appointment with my dentist in a week or so when the swelling has gone down so they can have a closer look at the tooth . It was very painfull whils she was examining it but i thought of Patricia and what she'd said so i was very good and didn't punch her lol xx Well no drinks today now , but cant say i'm that bothered , all the kids are coming down later and we'll get a take away in . Hope everybody is having a good day xxxx 

Take care

Lynne xxxx

hi

Hope your birthday is good Lynne and the tooth is less painful.  I am finally home and just thinking of sorting out this house.  No decorations this year at all for me but I do need to get at some cleaning, mentally I am ready but may or may not get at it.  I have to pick up my remaining cat from boarding, he will be happy to be home too.  I am quite proud of myself that I did that long drive all alone, managed to get through all the visiting which was nice actually and got myself home again.  Pretty good when most days, just getting dressed is an effort.  Reading about you visiting the cemetary makes me think.  I will not have such a place.  Dan wanted to be scattered in the Bay in Gaspe which is 1,000 miles from here.  I will do it on his birthday in July with as much family there as possible and also will be planting a tree for him but it is not a place I could visit often.  It is a special spot as his parents were both born there and mom has a cottage there, we have many years of special memories but so far away.  I will have to think of a spot perhaps by the river here.  I do talk to him all the time and like you Lesley I do write in a journal as if I am talking to him. 

Do have a good day everyone

Well done Lynne, I knew you could behave lol x x x

Fiona, (((((hugs))))))  to you because I know you must be finding it hard getting used to the idea of Darren going away. Did you think about tracking his journey or would that be too traumatic for you?

I can't believe how many of you have already got your decs down and tidied up after the chaos it causes. I shall be doing that on 6th. A bit crazy as I am also working that night. Well I never said I was sensible did I?

Anyway, only popped in to say hi. So see you all later maybe??

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Happy Birthday Lynne, have a good day, hope that your tooth feels better soon.
Love and (((((((HUGS)))))))) for you all.
Quill xxxxxxxxxx