My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Good morning everyone. Hello Kaz. I'm sorry you find yourself on here but you are very welcome. I find coming on here helps more than anything else I have tried since my husband Chris died on the 2nd May. I don't know yet how you get over losing your husband but we are each trying to help the others find a way to deal with it. Like Sue, and also Helen, I am keeping myself busy. I am constantly planning what I am going to get done next. I think it is a good idea to see your GP. I am not having a problem sleeping but I am having a problem making myself go to bed. I am not very good at lying in in the morning so I have been getting very tired. I went back to work on the 1st June 4 weeks after Chris died. It was very strange at first and I didn't work full time for the first two weeks. The best thing about going back to work is the distraction and the routine and seeing friends. If you have a job to go to take note of what Helen says and take it steady as I am surprised how quickly I wear myself out. Then that leads to tears and more exhaustion. Sue was saying you are in shock and I agree with that. In the space of one month Chris went from having up to 6 months to live to having 2-3 weeks on the Monday before he died and then only lasting another 4 days. I certainly feel as though I am still in shock. Take care of yourself and you will always find someone here to talk to.

Gayle the ring sounds lovely. I am trying to find the best piece of jewellery to have engraved with a little phrase Chris used a lot in the last weeks of his life. I am a bit lost as to where to look for special jewellery. Can you point me in the right direction at all?

I'm doing a few jobs for Becky today and then Declan and I are going out for lunch. I am still enjoying this time off. I need some more sleep but i will get that when I take Declan home tomorrow.

On the football topic I am always amazed that it doesn't seem to matter who you support it seems to be so motivating. Just as Paul was at a match just days before he died Chris had a dream tour of the Old Trafford ground with our son just a week before he died. I don't know much about footbal but I think it's brill and I am trying to undestand it more. Take care everyone and have a good day. Ailsa xx

Hi Everyone,

Ailsa - the ring Wully got me was from Links of London. I love their stuff. I also have a charm bracelet that he bought me a few years ago and then he kept adding charms on special occasions. I wear it every day as again it reminds me of him. The ring is so bizarre as we thought Wully had months left and then this ring arrived on the Tuesday and he was gone on the Sunday. The description is lovely for the ring and so apt. They have a few different "watch over me" items which would be lovely engraved.

Wully too loved football and was a big Falkirk FC fan. I know Kev - before you say it - they are rubbish :-) He was getting an epidural fitted in May and nagged the consultant to do it quickly so he could go to the cup semi-final that they were in. I was a bag of nerves about him going as it was at Hampden but he loved it. They then made it to the final so he got to that too. I was looking through some of his stuff last night and found a memory chip and he had some lovely photos of the day on it which I hadn't seen before although he looked so old and ill. I suppose living with them everyday you don't notice the same. He loved a red jumper and wore it all the time as everyone said it made him look better and gave him colour to his cheeks. I still sleep with it.

Hi Kaz, I am so sorry you are having to join us but I too find this board a great support as everyone understands what you are feeling. My only help too is to keep busy. Like Helen my house is gleaming and the charity shop is bursting at the seams with all our old stuff. Look after yourself - what you are feeling is normal and will take time. I went back to work this week (4 weeks after losing hubby) and it was really hard but got a bit easier and as my job is quite stressful and busy then it too keeps me busy.

Helen - I have a couple of books and they have been quite useful. I know what you mean about the 2-3 yrs thing. I too am impatient. It is a bit like being ill and you are desperate to feel better. Like they say you can't rush it and you have to go through all the stages. I have started an online blog where I am writing letters to my hubby as if he were just away on a trip and I find that helps a little as I can write down my feelings in these letters and also remember happy moments and it feels almost like I am talking to him about them.

Have a good day everyone.

Gayle x