My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

why have I never done that before?    Manda, helen, thank you - am officially a tesco.com customer. Whoop whoop!   i HATE trawling round tesco's at the best of times, so am now very smug!

xxxx

Well done Sue, you`ll never look back!!

Right 2 banana cakes in the oven, who`s putting the kettle on??

Hi everyone,

Well the tree is finally up.  I hate Christmas lol!!! Apart from the emotional side I hate putting up the tree and all the mess and broken lights.  I am almost grumpy doing it.  I had a total damsel in distress moment though.  I brought all the boxes of decorations in from the garage, starting emptying one and it had shredded paper in it which I thought was a mouse but stupidly didn't realise it was still there.  Of course the next minute it left up in the box.  So I ran screaming through to Jamie's room panicking lol.  Then I went outside thinking I would need to find a neighbour as my dad is in Spain.  Luckily the postie arrived in his wee van at the moment and saved the day.  My heart was thumping for ages after lol.  What an idiot!

Glad to see you are feeling a bit better Sue and online shopping is definitely the way to go.  I always do mine online as it is a nightmare with the boys.

Helen - hope you get all the housework done.  Lesley - glad the night out wasn't too bad and you were very brave with the nasty comment.  Dave, glad you had a good night out and survived.  Ailsa, Judi, Lynne, Esme, Amanda, Fiona, Dottee and everyone else - hope you are all okay and surviving the weekend.

Off to do my ironing.

Gayle xx

Dear gayle

I should have done exactly the same thing with the mouse, except that i'd have had to go outside the house altogether! i can cope with snakes and spiders, centipedes and cockroaches, but rats and mice - no way! So hurrah for your wee postie, what a star.

You're very brave to have tackled the tree -Ours never goes up until the weekend before Christmas. If Alan had had his way, it would have gone up on christmas eve and come down on Boxing day! alice and her friend are earmarked for the job. i suppose it's that bit easier for me as i've already had to do it all at school, so have got over that bit. have also been surrounded by Christmas music for some time as I rurn the choir at school and we're off to the cathedral on Tuesday for the county's school choir's carol service - about 1000 children's voices singing Christmas carols. Oh, help!!!

Would you like my ironing as well? it's horrible here, very wet and dark and cold so i'm going to light the coal fire and draw the curtains and do very little else!

sue xx

Hi everyone.  Sue, I think you were posting while I was trying to catch up!  I swear there were more pages appearing!  Glad you are feeling a little better from your tummy bug.  I have never tried on line supermarket shopping - always think I will forget it is being delivered and they will take it back coz I am not in!  I have been through to the cemmy today as well - the weather was so pleasant at lunchtime.  I took a Christmas wreath and then had a sit on my bench and played back a video of Chris that I found on my phone.  Glad to hear everyone is setting candles off at the same time on Christmas day - it feels like something to look forward to which makes it the best idea ever - thank you so much.

Patricia, here are some hugs to help you through the very difficult days you are having ((((((bug higs))))))xx.  My candles only took 2 days to arrive so I am sure yours will arrive in plenty of time.

I'm glad you enjoyed your first night out Lesley.  Sorry about the joke.  Like Colin,  Chris always collected me from nights out and I am very concerned about the first time I have to get a taxi home.  So far I have managed to arrange to stay over with someone so I can share a taxi and don't have to go home to am empty house.  I never liked to stay away from home when Chris was alive but I don't mind now.  Good luck with the duck tonight - I would appreciate any tips for cooking duck.  I have never cooked it.  I am doing the meat for Christmas dinner and I want to do 2 options.  I am cooking ham in cider but I thought I might offer duck as the 2nd choice.

Good lucj soaking the mud up at Gordon's grave this weekend Lynne.  It has been dry here today and you are not far from me so hopefully it has been dry for you as well.

Manda - enjoy tea with your sil.  I am glad you are recovering from the norovirus.  It is a shame your boys had it as well Dave but sounds like they are better now.  It is real progress if you could talk calmly about Nic.  That is lovely.

I could just fancy a piece of banana cake Helen.  I haven't baked for months - might feel the urge tonight.  I think I am feeling the same about the weekend.  I have had a few busy weekends, some away and some with visitors.  I am enjoying having the house to myself this weekend so I am inclined to agree that it might be progress.

Dot - how are you and Alan?  I hope his back pain is a bit more comfortable.  I finish work on the 23rd Dec so soon after you on the 21st.

How is Daniel getting on with the antibiotics for his chest Rosemary?  I hope he is better soon and I am glad to hear the appointment went okay for Samantha.  Just a pity she still has to be patient about her full recovery.  I use labels to address Christmas cards so I can try to avoid doing any writing at all for most of the cards.  I have a lot of shopping trips planned next week so hopefully I will feel a little more ready for Christmas by next weekend.

Gayle - my tree is going up tomorrow.  I know you hate putting the tree up but the vision of you running away from the mouse is so funny.  Good on the postie!!

Lynne - did you have a good time last night?  I ended up at my mum & dad's for tea as my godfather was staying with them.  It was nice to see them all and the food was good.

Hope you are okay as well Fiona - it will be nice for you to have Kim & Charlie to stay next week.  My son's girlfriend is coming round tonight.  We need to go an collect Stu from a night out in Rotherham late on but in the meantime we will watch x factor, eat some pizza, get my trimmings down from the loft and try out trivial pursuit for the wii.  Looking forward to it.  I hope everyone else has a good evening.  I will try to get on more often now so that I don't have to do so much catching up.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xx

Evening Everybody,  Catching up on all the post, hard to remember it all so hope you are all doing ok. I have been to Kim;s tonight for dinner and of course to see Charlie. This is also a big week for us as this is when Derek started going down hill he was taking into the hospice on Wed and died on the 13th  in one way seems a long time ago and in the next i remember it as if it was yesterday, It's been a tough year, but at least he is not in any pain now, but wish things could be differant ( o tears) i could not have got through this year without my family good friends and of course all you nice people that has helped me, as we are all going through the same nightmare.  Not even thinking about putting xmas tree up till after next week. (If it goes up) We are going to release a balloon from Charlie next Sun at the cemetary. At least he has gave me something to live for, and will enjoy every minute of it. Well i am off to bed now and see if i can sleep. Luv and Hugs to you all. Fiona xxxxxxxxxxx

Hi, I just want to send each and every one of you my love and support.

Fiona, I hope that  you manage to get through this very, very difficult time without going to pieces. What a lovely idea, to set of one of the candles from young Charlie.  I feel sure that Derek would love that.

Take care everyone and have the best day you can tomorrow.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Good morning everyone

Well done for mastering the Internet shopping, I love shopping Internet or otherwise!

Loved Fiona's baby photos on Facebook, can't wait for my own, so impatient!

Well the tree went up yesterday, it looks lovely. I had a weep, as predicted. It was when I opened the box containing the ornaments we bought for the tree this summer, I still can't believe that we were laughing, I cna see us now, over which snoopy ornaments to choose from a shop in Denver. We never knew that he would not live to see them on our tree. How can you have such a major illness and not have any signs until 5 weeks before it kills you?? (Can feel anger bubbling inside again :-( ) Anway each ornament I unwrapped held a special memory for me, a holiday, a gift, a funny joke etc. I decided I would buy one more ornament next year for my grandchild's first Christmas and then no more. I don't want to put ornaments on and think, this was the first one I bought after Colin died. The tree is pretty much full anyway, I was not going to put it up this year but I think Colin would have been disappointed with me, we loved doing it each year. Christmas music on and a chilled glass of Madeira wine or hot chocolate and rum. Anyway it's done, I sat in front of the fire last night and raised my glass to Colin, " I love and miss you so much xxx".

Hope everyone has a good Sunday, speak later, love Lesley. x

dear Fiona

Have just seen the photos our your beautiful little chap on fb - as you say, you have the best reason now to carrry on living. He is gorgeous.

"A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for"

love this quote!

Sue xx