My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Gayle, then both Helen and I will think of you and Wully when we hear it and send you a big snuggle. You are meant to cry Carol Services, so just you feel free to do so.  Wully was obviously a VERY special person for all those lovely people to think so highly of him.

Lesley, I spoke to the the chappie at Skycandles.co.uk and he explained that light drizzle is ok, but obviously not a downpour.  I also wanted to check if you needed to be in an open space, and he said that a garden was just fine and in fact they sold most to central London, he suggested that although it says to hold the ballon bit for about 40 secs if you hold it for about 60 then it will be warmer and go straight up.  I am so happy that Sue suggested this, I have a warm but calm feeling about it.

Monthly cycles, oh yes.  Completely gone to pot ..... I am whispering now ...... Twice in the last six months I have missed it completely and one time I kept feeling very warm, very very warm for a minute or two.  So I have a sneaky feeling I may be 'changing'!

Patricia, hi you.  You explain so well that feeling of 'playing a role in life' it all going on around you.  It is a very weird feeling.  And although a bit of your post was missing, I think I can guess that seeing the medication threw you.  Everything becomes so 'personal' doesn't it. 

Am off to feed the mutts more freshly cooked chicken and rice ...... bread and dripping for me! Only joking.  Love to all, speak later.  Judi xx

Judi I have ammended my post. I got distracted whilst composing the original and forgot to ammend it at the time. duh. I am such a fool. It is that W brain again. I hate it. Oh well, must stop feeling so sorry for myself. I am one amongst many.

x x x patricia x x

Patricia, don't be so hard on yourself, you of all people should know it is OK to say and feel however you like on here. You have helped so many people with your post, your kind posts have helped me and others through some tough times. I think everyone on here has periods were they are at rock bottom. Just be kind to yourself, pamper yourself and wait for the more positive days to return.

Love Lesley x

Evening everyone,

Lesley - I so know what you mean about monthly cycles.  I too turn into a raving lunatic at that time and totally hit rock bottom.  I too didn't suffer from PMT (although maybe Wully would have disagreed lol) so it is a very strange one and hopefully one that will pass!

The sky candles is a great idea Sue - what a lovely thought that we will all be doing it together.  Just like we are all holding hands thinking of our other halves. 

Patricia - remember you can rant all you like on here.  It is always the little things that set us off isn't it!

Thanks Judi - at least now when I hear the song I will think of you and Helen and vice versa and hopefully it won't be so sad.

Well off to make curtains for my spare room.  I have been putting it off for ages so last week I cut them out then fixed them to the curtain pole with safety pins (blush!!) so that they could open and shut lol!!!  My mum was staying on her own on Monday night when I was at work as my Dad is in Spain this week so I didn't want her to be scared without the curtains up.  I really need to get my finger out and do it tonight!  I will probably be on here later ranting about how much I hate sewing machines.

Gayle xx

Evening everyone

Well I thought of Judi while driving home (will include Gayle next time xxx), thought I`m ok will sing along!! No chance, the tears won!! Suppose I could have turned the radio off......too easy lol!!!

Good luck with the curtains Gayle.

I`ve not noticed the `monthly` cycle thing but have definitely noticed it with Natalie, she is up and down last couple of months.

Poor Dave will be running a mile with all this `girly` chat. Just ignore us lol xxx

Patricia, like Lesley said you support so many people on here let us be a shoulder to cry on and let off steam.xxx Bug higs xxx

Well I`ve been to the gym tonight and I`ve ordered a weighted hula hoop for one of Natalie`s presents (but so I can use it too!!) I tried it at a friends and they are great!! We all remember being able to hula hoop but can`t anymore well you can with these weighted ones and take inches off your waist in the same time!! Can`t wait for it to come, oh but I will have to as it`s a xmas present.

Hope everyone else is sort of ok

Helen xxx

Hi everybody , well i dont know what happened today but as soon as i got to the cemmy i just folded , i just sat in the car sobbing for ages , in the end i had to go home before i went to work and try and put some make up on , waste of time it was off again in 5 mins . I wasn't going to got to work but i didn't want to give in , and i thought it would be worse on my own so i went and just got on with it , had the day from hell but its nearly over now and tommorow is another day . Thank you for all your kind mesages on here and face book , they really do help , even tho they bring on more tears , nice tears this time . I'm not sure if its because of Gordons cousin the reason why i've slumped so much today but i've been completely thrown as when i got in from work there was a christmas card from her !! So now i've took the chance and e mailed her and thanked her for the card and just said some general things and then i've finished with telling her i tried to get her through face book and couldn't find her , is she still on ? so its up to her now if she's blocked me she'll have to tell me why and if not then i'll be so happy . I've also told her what we are doing with the candles and asked her if she would release some too , i'm going to e mail both daughters and his sister tot to ask them to do the same thing . Sue you are brilliant . I'll go and do my e mails now to get them out the way . Hope everybody has had a better day than me .

Take care Lynne xxxxxxxxxxx

Evening all, run out of time to post properly but wanted to send you all a big hug and say I was thinking of you all, so squishy higs and good thoughts for you all to sleep well. xxxxx

Lesley, thank you. How kind you are. All I do is 'listen' and try to offer some kind of support as I feel is appropriate at the time.   I hope you are looking forward to grandma status. It will surely be a bitter sweet experience as Fiona is only too well qualified to tell you.

Gayle, pity I don't live nearer, I would have gladly sewn your curtains for you.

Helen,  I have tried to hoola hoop with a kids hoop but to no avail. So I need to get a weighted one then do I? 

Lynne, so sorry you have had such a tough day, I hope that tomorrow is a better one for you and that Gordon's cousin gives you a plausible explanation as to why you can't find her on facebook.

I do hope that ev eryone who posts on here is having a good evening.

May the angels up above surround you all with peace and love.

Love and angel hugs x x Patricia x x

Just have to say, you are both very clever to be able to sew curtains, I had enough trouble sewing two buttons on a pair of trousers about an hour ago. First couldn't thread the needle, only realised last week I need glasses (all the trappings of a granny eh?) then the thread kept getting knotted, nearlly gave up and I pricked my finger twice! useless or what?

Now I am ready to go to bed, Charlie, my new kitten has decided it is time to wake up and play after sleeping since lunch!

Night all xx

Evening all, Just wanted to pop by and leave you all some huge

Love Quill xxxxx