My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Judi ask your vet to get you some Eukanuba Intestinal formula dog food, it really works on helping sort out bad tummy upsets.  My sister is a vet nurse and has done nutrition courses and always recommends it to people (often surprising the vets who don't know themselves).  Can't buy it in the shops you have to get it via the vet but they should be fine about it and it really does work (ask Kofi), also if you used the dry food then it keeps for a while should you have any recurrence.

XX

Hi everyone.  How cold and miserable is it tonight?  I had physio tonight so I had to go out so did my shopping at the same time.  I am so glad to be home.

Lynne I am inclined to back Sue's suggestion of a note in a Christmas card to the cousin.  It seems a very petty thing to do - blocking you on fabebook - but I heard a similarly petty thing in my son's girlfriends family just the other day so nothing surprises me now.  I have often found that you can't beat putting pen to paper when you need to say something without being interrupted so the note is worth a try.  I had to giggle at you putting sand round Gordon's grave to soak up some of the mud - worth a try.

Helen I must have been listening to the Pogues at the same time as you this morning.  I was at work and we commented that if there had to be a 1st Christmas song this year that was the best one it could be.  However on the way home I heard Feed the World for the first time this year and burst into tears because Chris used to sing that in clubs and pubs at Christmas.  I am already beginning to wander of it will actually be possible to cry myself dry before Christmas - I haven't got past the 1st yet lol!  Hope Natalie is a bit better today.

That was a lovely message from Nic Dave.  Hope you enjoyed the night off, footie & beer.  Chris chose a Queen song for the last one at his funeral as well - The Show must go on.  Stuart had some of the words from the song put on his side of the vase on Chris's grave.  It is good that your son's are settling.

Sue - my sky candles should be delivered to becky tomorrow so we will be letting ours off at 7pm on Christmas day as well.

I had best get off to bed - I hadn't noticed the time. Goodnight to Judi, Esme, Lesley, Patricia, Yvonne, Fiona, Gayle, Manda, Dot, Tarnie & Quill & anyone else I may have missed on this very cold night.  Ailsa xx

Evening to Everyone,  I have just realised the time too, well our weather bad today and tonight very wet and windy. I have spent the day at Kim's helping with Charlie, he is growing already. I will have to get my candles ordered as well as i think it's a great idea, i also said to Kim about it and she thought so as well. I don't know if i will put a tree up Derek was not a Christmas person. I once had a santa on top of the tv and i came home from my mums and i said where is santa and he said i put him in the bin as i was fed up looking at him (humbug). My sister was into all the singing santa's etc and we use to put them in the bathroom before Derek went and he would come out and say she even has them in the bathroom many a laugh we had. I just don't want to think about it and just let it go passed. Hope you are all ok, i better get off to bed as working tomorrow. Luv and Hugs Fiona xxxxxxxxx  

Evening Everyone,
Going to order my sky candles too think that it is a lovely idea Sue.
Love and ((((((HUGS))))) for you all.
Quill xxxxx

Morning all

Ridiculous what things are making me smile - no 'accidents' with the dogs for 24 hours!!!!! Rosemary thanks for the advice, I have phoned the vets and they are happy to get me some of the Eukanuba. 

What a wild and wet night it was here, I am surprised to sill have any slates left on the roof.  BIt calmer today thankfully. 

Lynne and Ailsa, people can be so ....... funny/weird/cruel ... not sure of the right word, can't they.  I have always been a bit of a 'wanting to keep everyone happy' kind of person.  Completely the opposite of my darling who was most definitely a 'the only ones that matter are you amd me Judes' kind of guy.  I sometimes found it quite a struggle to balance but am now, very gently, realising that maybe he had a point.  I think this whole situation we find ourselves in can bring surprises, sometimes unexpected and warming and sometimes unpleasant.  I feel very confident in my ability to pronounce that you are both wonderful, warm, kind and caring - so please do not let these people upset you.  I am certain Gordon and Chris would both have hated you turning yourselves inside out trying to sort out something that was not your doing.  So speaks Aunty Judes.

Lesley, I am so happy to hear that you are also going to be a gorgeous granny soon.  A little light at a dark time.  Much love to everyone else.  Judi xx   

For our lynne xx

Hello ladies,

I think we are all in the same boat at the moment.  I too find myself so emotional and it is only the 2nd!  Helen & Judi, the pogues is my favourite Christmas song and I was just thinking this morning (when I heard feed the world) that I don't think I can bear listening to it.  Think I will just listen to my ipod in the car until January lol!

I too have ordered my sky candles - what a lovely thought that we will all do it together.

I have had a few nice cards through the door from the hospice as people have lit stars on the tree in the hospice and a local shopping centre in memory of Wully to raise funds for the hospice.  They are having a christmas carol concert on Tuesday at the hospice which I plan on going to with my sister although as it gets closer I am dreading it even more.  I am sure there won't be a dry eye in the house anyway so not make much difference if I am crying.

On a side note has anyone noticed that people start changing the subject when you talk about your husband?  I have noticed it at work and with some friends that it is almost like why I am still talking about him or they just feel uncomfortable?  Maybe it is just the prickly way I am feeling at the moment.  There are only a few people I now feel comfortable talking about him with (including you lovely ladies) which makes me feel very sad.

Huge hugs Lynne - I know how the slightest thing can upset me at the moment but rise above it.  We are all behind you giving you very big hugs and support.

Judi - hope the pooches are feeling better.

Fiona - hows Charlie & Kim getting on?

Hello and hugs to everyone else.

Gayle xx

Good afternoon everyone

What time are you letting your candles off on Christmas day? I would love to join in, I saw al ovely red heart shaped candle on one website. Can you still let them off if it is raining?

Well I have done all my Christmas shopping, how organised am I? Just need to wrap it now. Even bought myself a pressie with some of Colin's money, so I will have something to open from him, it just felt right somehow!

My mood seems to go from being fairly positive to despondent depending on my monthly cycles. I want to get as much done while I feel positive, in case the black mood comes back next week, so sorry in advance if I am ranting again next week. I really hope it will not be as bad this time. My GP says it is just a normal part of grieving and it is best for me to work through it. It takes some doing though, I have never suffered form PMT before so why it should make such a dramtic difference now I don't know, unless it is just coincidence. Anyway I am thankful for the days when I feel able to cope better. Have been so busy this week I don't know how I will fit in working in January :-)

Hope everyone else is doing OK, Love to all Lesley xxx

Thanks Judi for your comment! xx

Hello all,  I have just spent ages reading all your posts and it took med ages. (((((((((((((((((Angel Hugs)))))))))))))) to you all. This month is a difficult one for everyone so I hope that you can all find some way of getting through it without too much trauma and upset (who am I kidding).

Do whatever suits you and your family. after all, it is you who has to 'get through'

I personally am going through the motions of life and Christmas at the moment. I feel like I am 'watching' somone else's life unfolding like a black and white movie. I am not wanting sympathy or anything like that just explaining how I feel at the moment.

The other night at work, we had to 'check out' some pain medication. It is the first time I have seen this particular medication since Ray died and I felt such a fool because Icried. My colleaugues were very supportive and tried to reassure me that it was ok to get upset.

Take care everyone and be kind to yourselves. x x x

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x