My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hello everyone :-)

So nice to hear everyone's news. Even though it is the 1st of December and we are all worried about getting through Christmas, everyone sounds quite positive. Love the idea of the candles, I think it is all the lovely people on here who have kept me going this past 10 weeks, never would have though it would make such a difference. Thanks to everyone who has mailed me private messages, you have all really helped when I have been at my lowest, I have been able to say exactly how I feel and still you keep mailing me and don't get shocked!

Yvonne, so glad you met an old friend who was able to help you, don't feel guilty, we all have to get on with our lives the best way we can. Do whatever feels right and makes you happy.

Not long now before I become Grandma Lesley! Rachel will be 36 weeks on Friday. I am putting my tree up on Ssaturday, thought about not bothering but it was a special event each year for me and Colin. The tree decorations are ones we have collected over the years, ones made by our children, bought for our children year on year and collected by us and our family and friends from various holidays all over the world. To not put it up would be like denying my happy memories of Colin and our family. So I will pour a large drink, put on Christmas music and slowly hang every last ornament and relive all my happiest memories, maybe shed a few tears, it can only get easier, surely.

Lots of love and kind thoughts to you all. Lesley xx

Evening everyone

So cold here tonight.

Dave, well done for getting Nic`s ashes (I know how hard it was for me xxx) and like already said I am sure the song was Nic saying `well done` xx Enjoy the footie tonight x

I love the idea of the candles and also sending them up on the same time on xmas day. Think I will order some tonight.

I`ve had my first tears listening to a xmas song, like Judi said The Pogues and Kirsty McColl came on the radio on the way to work this morning and I cried all the way  there!! Paul loved the Pogues and we used to go and watch them each xmas for a few years and this is always a special song. I`m going to be in a mess for most of December if this is the start lol!!!

Ailsa I am glad Becky is bit more settled. Natalie was going off again a bit last night, hope it doesn`t last!

Yvonne don`t feel guilty, I do know what you mean but life is too short and we don`t want to be lonely. Enjoy his company and friendship xxx

Lesley good to hear from you, good on you for planning to put the tree up, must admit I haven`t thought about it yet. Like you say it can only get easier.

Bug higs to everyone

Helen xxx

yvonne, so good to hear from you.

The one thing , I think, that we have all come to realise on here is that we all need to do what is right for us, and s~*d everyone else. We have all been to a very dark place and some of us are moving a little towards the light at the end of a dark tunnel. Yvonne, love, if it feels right, do it.

Life is too short to waste worrying about other people'soopinioms; as long as you and your daughter are managing to support one another, then don't feel guilty about accepting the hand of friendship from someone else, regardless of gender.

we need all the help we can get, and true friends don't grow on trees.

Sue xx

   This should have appeared in the previous message!!!

Sue, I just love Pooh Bear - he reminds me of me !

"I am a bear of very little brain and long words bother me".  Where as Ed was always more of a Yogi Bear kinda guy "Smarter than your average bear Booboo"

Blowing a gale and cold up here.  Banks, banks and more banks today.  Needed to do some final sorting out re mortgage and other horrid stuff.  If one more 12 year old (okay, maybe 20) tells me that I should spend time with their 'Financial Advisor' I will scream!!!!!

Dogs both on chicken and rice (yes, freshly cooked each meal for them!!) until I am 100% sure this bug has passed!  Fed up with middle of the night walks now!

Yvonne, I can only agree with what the others have said.  Don't beat yourself up hun, we all get through this the best we can. 

Helen hun, tissues for you from me -  Christmas in New York!!!!  I am sure we will only hear it a few hundred times more over the next few weeks - I will think of you when I hear it and you can think of me - deal?

Love to all til later.  Judi xxx

Evening all , well Sue you have supassed yourself , its a fantastic idea to do the candles at the same time , ive  actually arranged to do them at 12 at Gordons place but i will also do some more at 7 pm , i will also ask his daughters and sister to do the same from where they live , i think the sky will be a light with the candles and its a great way to bond us all together too xxx

Fiona i too need a kick up the bum to start my shopping , to many distractions , shoes , boots , bags , beer , i have got the little ones some presants but i am brain dead as to what to get everybody else . I'm sure Charlie will lift your spirits on the day , if it wasn't for my little ones i'm sure i'd be on a dessert island waiting for it all to be over xxx

Judi , you have the right idea just do as you 2 want , its you 2 thats going through it , i'm fed up with feeling guilty everytime i do anything , if it wasn't for the support of you lovely people i'm sure i'd do nothing except sit in and cry . I hope the dogs are getting better now , you must be really fit all the walking , need some chocks to keep you going ? xxx

Yvonne so good to hear from you , all i can say is dont rush but enjoy each day , boy do we all need some enjoyment , you grab it with both hands and if he's helping how can that be wrong ? xxx

Ailsa so glad Becky is feeling better , are you slowing down now , you've had a busy few weeks . I've tried to dry ssome of the mud up athe grave but think i've made it worse oops , i think the council workmen will be after me . pray for sunshine so all the sand i've put down dries up fast lol xxx

Dave well done on collecting Nics ashes , another small step and i agree with the others the song was a hug from Nic xxx

Helen i'm expecting tears evertime i hear a xmas song , i haven't heard any yet (lucky or what) Whats this about you going tea total , yes i'll believe that when i see it lol xxx

Lesley , oh goody another baby and not long either , but remember Fiona's Kim had hers a little early so get ready. I too was dreadind putting the tree up ,Gordon always nade it really nice , he would put a xmas cd on , pour a baileys or 2 and we'd get started , after a couple of hours of our design work it still looked like we'd just stood 6 foot away and through them on , we'd got no "flair " at all but that s what made it special , it didn't matter how much we spent on it , it still looked rubbish ..I've bought a small one this year and i will do that my self and it will still look rubbish lol xxx

Hi Patricia , Gayle , Dottee Esme hope your all ok , by the time i,ve done this post you;ve probably all done another one lol xxx

I,ve had a  bit of a melt down over the past couple of days , i've realised Gordons cousin has blocked me on face book . We are not in constant contact , the odd message or text but i did want to keep in touch with them as Gordon wanted me too . The only reason i can think of is "MONEY " the money thayt Gordons  ex wife tried to claim , and i got it , i think one of his daughters has given a different version to her , as she didn't like his ex but Daughter 2 has probably said i've took it off them . She's never said a word to me and been fine when she's been here . It was daughter 1 that had a go at me but i respect her more for having her say , at least i know how she felt . Daughter 2 is in constant contact with the cousin and i know she's been to stay , so what ever has been said must have come fro her . Now what do i do , just let it go , try and get in touch with cousin and ask her why she's blocked me . Ask daughter 2 if she knows anything . I text his Gordons sister (who i am close too ) and asked her if she knew if there was a problem , she said she didn't . Please help , i was so upset sunday and yesterday but now i am more annoyed . i'm in such a dilema , i want to do what Gordon would want me to do and i just dontknow .

Thank you all

Lynne xxxxxxx 

Dear Lynne

How about writing a little note inside a Christmas card? Just to say that you were surprised(!!! good word, that!)   to find yourself blocked on fb, and wondered if she's upset about something.  If she is, let me know and I'll give her a smack. NOBODY  is allowed to treat you like that!!

It's a good job we can choose our friends! it sounds as though she's the one with the problem, and i'm not surprised you're annoyed; after all you've been through, it seems very petty of Gordon's cousin to act like that.

Sky candles unite!!!  

Sue xx

Thanks Sue ha ha that image makes me laugh xxx

Judi, deal!!! I will think of you each and EVERY time we hear that song with a supply of tissues xxx

I could have been someone
Well so could anyone
You took my dreams from me
When I first found you
I kept them with me babe
I put them with my own
Can't make it all alone
I've built my dreams around you xxxx

Lynne I am shocked you don`t believe I am tea total!!! Not had a drink since Saturday lol!!! Calling me supercider drinker lol xxx

Lynne the idea of a note in the xmas card sounds a good idea! I`ve had 1st xmas card from an old friend who doesn`t know about Paul. Thought most knew now but obviously not :(

I`ve just ordered my sky candles, not sure what in laws will think but I`ll be there at 7pm with you all xxx

Helen xxx

Oh Lynne how mean, I agree with Sue though send her a message, you can still send a message via Facebook even if she has blocked you and ask what the problem is.  IF she dares mention money then you can just refuse to discuss it and stay blocked and know you don't need to bother with her anymore.  Agree with Sue again, you don't need people like that - I've had enough of people lately too so I know what you are feeling, live and let live and if they don't like something they either talk about it or...... clutter off and get over it.

Dave, agree with the others that it was a little hug from your Nic at a moment you needed it.  Glad the boys are settling, that must be a load off your mind, dealing with our childrens emotions makes it harder to deal with our own. 

Sue (who I agree with on SO many things lol) yes 7 o'clock Christmas day sounds good to me, we can send them off in memory of our loved ones and also in acknowledgement and thanks for the friendship we have found in each other.  A perfect plan batman!

Lesley your plans for your tree sound perfect, I think whatever we all plan to do is right for us and your remembering and treasuring those moments - alone with a box of tissues - will be hard but what you need to try to make Christmas come right in some way.  Alas for me Steve hated putting the tree up, moaned about the lights and decorations (but many a year he did the most fantastic lights all over the house, so much so people would drive down our road just to see his latest display! Usually tasteful though I hasten to add)  So whatever we decide to do I know will be right with Steve and I have just ordered a special Christmas wreath to put by his memorial in the garden.

Yvonne, there is no need to feel guilty accept this man's friendship for what it is - friendship, if it ever comes to something more so be it, only time will tell, but for now he is helping you and that is a very good thing.  Not long after Steve died I came across an old friend via Facebook, male, and we have been in contact via email and text a lot, he has been wonderful and supportive (as well as flirty and suggestive at times but he says he is only joking and wants to make me smile).  I don't mention it to many people, although I have made sure both Samantha and Daniel know that we communicate so that there is no "secret" about it to make them worry.  I can't see ever wanting to change my life to accommodate another man in it and I can't imagine anyone ever "taking Steves place" but we can't rule it out, our other halves wouldn't have wanted that.  Sorry rambling on here, enjoy him girl!

Judi, Fiona, Ailsa, Helen, Patricia et al (how posh is that?) love to you all and buggest of higs, off to order my Sky Candles now before I forget why I came online (that and talking to you lot of course).  Take care and have a good evening xxxxxxxxx