My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

My candles are ordered - goodnight all xx

If you think I'm being a bit silly then ignore me, but how does everyone feel about perhaps launching our sky candles at the same time on Christmas day - say 7 0 clock?  Am i being really pathetic here?  it would just mean a lot to me to know that we are all together on this one!

sue xx

Hi Everyone,  The sky candles sound a great i will have to go on to the web site and order some as well, we all seem to be feeling the same just now this is just the time Derek took ill and i never thought for one minute he would not be here for xmas. I just hope baby Charlie makes it a bit easier for us all this year, i will really have to start my shopping (will somebody give me a kick up the bum ) I have not been up to much tonight i had a meeting about shoplifters tonight we are in a radio link with all the shops, then i done some ironing. It will not be long till Darren goes to Aus trying not to think about it as i am dreading it, but don't want him to know that.I just can't imagine not seeing him for a year. Well hope you are all ok, i am off to bed now and see if i can sleep.  Fiona xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx   

Hi all

Sue I think it is a lovely idea to light them together, I will certainly be available at any time to do just that.  Don't think that I am trying for sympathy by saying that - the opposite in fact! I have spoken to Boy at length and we have decided that we are going to exactly what the two of us want all through Christmas - and b*gger anyone else!!  How mean does that sound, but it is not at all, honest.  Just going to stop worrying what others think is 'best' for us and going along with their plans rather than doing 'our thing'. And that includes not putting up a tree!  I am planning to pretty up the house etc but not ready for a tree.  Sparkly lights everywhere (less dusting).

Joe, who originally got the 'upset tummy' from Kat has kindly given it back to her!  Vets are not worried at all, it will pass apparently!  Doesn't mean to say that I didn't burst into tears when I got home from work at the site of another carpet to shampoo!! Just tired from my night time walks, nothing too drastic.

I am glad that you have heard from Becky and that she got home safely, I hope that she can find a little 'respite' now she has had some time with you Ailsa.

Helen - of course you didn't take your shoes off - everyone knows that to take them off is lethal - you'll never get them back on if you do that.  don't you worry about the self inflicted sympathy, I have a sneaky feeling it was needed after your week.

Gayle, you are absolutely right - no where for the anger to go, so it just snip snaps its way out of us. Again, you have dealt with so much over the last few months with the move etc, and Christmas coming is so hard cos you want it for the children but know that it is so poignant - just wait til the sad Christmas songs start playing and we will all be weeping buckets.  The Pogues and Kirsty McColl is the one that sets me off. - Ed's favourite.

Fiona hun, Darren going to Aus is really scary - but you are being brave and wanting good stuff for him - cos you are a mum and that's what we do.  Charlie is there to keep your mind busy just now and as babies smell so good you can bury your head in him and no one will notice if you have a wee weep.

Love and Hig Bugs to Lynne, Patricia, Rosemary, Dottee, Dave and Manda and everyone else who is reading.  Cos I didn't want to burden you with the postage I bought a box of chocolates to munch my way through with you Lynne!

Night all Judi xxxx

Hi All,

Lovely to hear everyones good news. Sorry haven't joined in lately, but not really been online for a while. An old friend caught up with me after 6 years, and it has really screwed my emotions up and made me feel very guilty, even though I've done nothing. Cant get my head round it though, as feel bad about enjoying another mans friendship so soon after Andrews death.

Has made me realise just how lonely I have got and how much I needed to talk to someone. But he also made me realise that life is still worth living. He also talked me into taking the Sympathy cards down after 10 weeks, which I just couldnt do earlier.

My head feels like its going to explode, with so many scrambled thoughts. I dont like feeling like I've done something wrong when I haven't.

Much Love to you all, Yvonne xx

Good morning everyone.  I got up early this morning to get to work early but the frost kinda put me off rushing so I came on here.  As Christmas sounds like it is going to have a bigger hit than I was ready for (niave!) I might as well admit that as soon as I noticed it was the 1st Dec my heart lurched.  I am going to have to work harder at Christmas than I thought or I will be worn out completely by 2010.  I am sure I will not be alone.

Sue I would love to set my candles off at the same time as you and the others if we can manage to sort it.  It is not a sad or pathetic thought.  I feel privileged that you asked.  It will be a fantastic tribute to the people we love and miss so badly.

Fiona, it will be hard letting Darren go off for a year but you know what an experience he will have.  It will be the seeing him off that will be the hardest part then the next bits are better when you can look forward to hearing all about his adventure and you can look forward to how great you will feel when he has had a marvellous year and he has come home.  Judi's right as well - babies smell lovely and Charlie will be only too happy for extra cuddles from you while Darren is away.  Hope you manged to sleep well.

Judi - I will be making changes to Christmas as well to help me get through it so you and Boy are right to do whatever suits you two.  I need a tree because of my grandson but it is already featuring high in my mind.  Chris always did ours so I have told the kids I need to be on my own when I put it up as I will need to cry buckets and I don't want to have to hold back.  I hope your dogs get over the tummy bug soon.

Yvonne I am so pleased to hear from you.  I was wandering how you are doing.  You mustn't feel guilty about having someone to share the burden of your grief with.  If your friend has made you realise that life is still worth living then his frendship is worth it's weight in gold.  I can't unscamble your thoughts but I know how often my head has felt the same.  Take each day as it comes.  You know where we are (((xxx))).

Becky sounded a lot chirpier on the phone last night and she & Declan had been to the cemetery to light a candle on the way home.  They are due back on Christmas eve so hopefully Becky can keep her chin up until then.  Take care everyone else who I haven't mentioned.  I feel like I haven't heard from Dave in a while - bet the kids are keeping you busy!  Ailsa xx

Hi all e been busy

Sorry ihavent posted for a while.I have be been really busy with the kids.Fred seems to be much better,and thankfully George has settled back to school ok.

Ive been working "on and off",and also joined the gym just to help me sleep,and maybe get fit in the process.

Ive got to pick Nics ashes up today,ive left it long enough.The funeral directors have seperated them for me.She said keep them at home with me and the kids.But ime going to bury some at a woodland burial place "where" you plant atree and look after it.You own the plot so it can take up to six lots of ashes,so I can go there when i die,and the kids can if they choose too.Also it gives us aplace to visit, afocal point.

Any way ive got anight off from the kids tonight,so im going over to watch the football at Southampton and have afew beers.

Thanks Davexx

Hi just picked Nics ashes up and "dont stop me me now "by queen came on the radio as soon as iturned it on in the car.It was the last song at Nics funeral"coincidence ?".

No coincidence Dave - a loving "well done Dave" embrace from Nic.

Judi xx

Dear Dave

as Judi says,  a loving message from Nic.

There are too many 'coincidences' that we have shared for there not to be some thing more to it. Does that make sense?

Enjoy your evening - beer and footie sounds pretty good.

sue xx