My husband - Chris - died on the 2nd May 2009 because he had anal cancer. He knew he was going and we spoke about lots and lots of things before he died. That is why I am just not prepared for the huge amount of guilt I feel now. I feel guilty that the world hasn't stopped turning round even though he has died. I feel like everything should stop as a mark of respect. I also feel very guilty that he had to be so ill he had to die. What a cruel cruel thing it is to make someone so ill their body just stops working. I wasn't ready for him to go. I really really hope these are normal feelings because I must hang on to my sanity for the sake of my 3 children. I have never known sadness like I feel right now. I can't believe that I will not hear his voice or feel his touch again. We were married for almost 32 years and I have known Chris for 34 years - since I was 16. What happens now? Ailsa
It's been a long week!
Hi to everyone i've not spoke to on face book , i was really looking forward to catching up on all the posts last night and couldn't get on , i notice this morning that Helen and Ailsa managed it , but i was already tucked up in bed (shattered ). The holiday was fantastic , the weather was far hotter than i thought it would be , the only thing was the pool was colder so we didn't veture in to that . The only mishap was when a drunken sis dropped her phone down the loo (the phone she bought to replace the stolen one ) she was gutted, but up to now its still working , dont know how but, just have to see how it goes . The weather here has been really bad hasn't it ? . I 'll have a good read at all the posts i've missed now , i have missed you all xxx . I got a phone call from the Halifax whilst i was away to say that they had listened to the last conversatio i'd had with them and they we're mortified about what had been said ,, the thing is , she said all the information was there for the lad on the phone to see , i said to her did you hear me pleading with him to look for the death certificate , she said "yes i was pleading with you as i was listening to it " . She said both him and his team leader are in trouble (i didn't really want that ) but dont want no one to go through the crap i had too, any way they have refunded all the insurance money i paid from july (not sure if they would have done that anyway ) and a big box came this morning with about 10 different boxes of thorntons chocks , great just when i'm trying to lose weight lol , so its back to mine for a feast then . Anyway just waiting for the kids to call , hope fully they will eat some chocks .
Speak later and i'll catch up on the posts xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
