My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Good evening everyone.  How is everyone tonight?  Thanks for the bug higs Dot - hope you and Alan are fine.

It was nice to see you back on line Gayle.  Hope it gets sorted at home very soon.  I am sure Wully is there at the new house.  As you get settled and find your feet you will start to notice him more in the things around you.  I am so glad to hear that the kids are happy straight away.  I miss the internet terribly when I can't use it.  These past 2 days I have been so busy that I couldn't get on here and don't mind admitting I was really missing you all.

I have made more progress with the sitting room.  The mantle piece is on and looks nice.  Stu had a bit of a problem wiring the new light so I had to get an electrician in but it is all working now.  I will do a bit more tomorrow night but after that I am away for my London/Paris weekend so it will have to wait for a bit.

Judi - I am glad the sleepover went so well.  I have a neighbour who sounds a little like your SD when it comes to dogs.  She has had many dogs over the years but I have never known her keep any of them for the whole life.  She always finds an excuse to give them away soon after they become adults.  It is a real shame for the poor dogs.  I hope this 3rd dog is the lucky one and doesn't get messed about.

It sounds like you enjoyed your day out at the weekend Helen.  Enjoy the friendship.  I liked the sound of your pie!  Are there any leftovers?

Patricia I can't believe your youngest son wants to ride a pushbike in January.  Brrrrr - far too cold!  Good luck to him though.

My kids have decided that they would like us to go out for Christmas dinner so I think we had better start making enquiries as I don't know how early places get booked up.  I think they think Christmas is going to be tough enough so we should do what we can to take some of the pressure off.  I am prepared to give it a go.

Lynne well done staying out so late and having a good time and still managing to have the family round on Sunday.

Good evening to Fiona, Rosemary and Sue as well.  I hope I haven't missed anyone.  I think I may have an early night tonight.  Take care.  Ailsa xx

Evening All and what a flipping miserable evening it is , roll on march !! Gayle welcome back and hope to see you back regularly on friday , i would need counciling if i didn't have the internet , and you lovely peolpe to keep me going , good story about the dog lol .Hope the boys and you are settled in nicely and i'm sure Wully is with you still . When i went to see a medium last week she mentioned that i could be moving house and said not to worry if i did as if i moved to Australia Gordon would still be with me , so i'm sure your lovely husband is still taking care of you xx

Judi once again you've floored me with your stories , the book one is brill , are you a comedium really ? you never fail to make me chuckle xx

Patricia , once again thank you for our lovely chat last night , you wise lady you , i know you say your not but you always have such words of wisdom for us all and i really appriciate it xx

Helen did Liverpool win in the end ? , our new footie ground is well under way now , people in chez vegas (where i come from ) keep posting pics on F/B of the ground , i keep getting quite excited about living so close to the new ground but i also think the way i feel at the moment i will sell the house so i wont ever get advantage of just crossing the road to watch the match . oh well cant have everything xx

Dotte i think you are a comedium (i wish i could spell that ) and i hope Alan is feeling better now xx

Sue i hope you've had a better day today , you need a good picture to cheer you up , i'll go look for one xxxxthats for everone bug higs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Ailsa , glad the living room is coming on , what a good idea to go out for christmas , your so right its going to be a hard one for us all this year xxxx

Lynne, I am glad you enjoyed our chat. I did too. As for wisdom, well I just tell things as I see them.Oh yes, if you do ever move house then of course Gordon will be with you. He is only a thought away wherever you go. Always remember that.

Ailsa, how nice that the family want you all to go out for Christmas. (Ray always wanted to go out just the two of us and we were looking forward to the time when we could perhaps do that, oh well it won't happen now).  It will be good for you all and take a lot of the presure off you all. I hope you mange to get booked in somewhere.

Fiona are you feeling any better today, my thoughts are with you. Hope Kim is doing ok too.

Judi, Esme, Rosemary, Sue, Dottee, Helen and everyone else I hope that tomorrow brings you all peace and harmony and that you manage to have the best day you can.

This one for me has been very changeable.  I went to the group support session at the hospice. This week we all seem to be in our own private hell but somehow managed to offer support to each other. I spent most of my time there this week with tears falling down my cheeks. I have no idea why just that the conversation seemed to make me (well all of us) very, very sad. I even managed to stop myself from filling the gaps in the conversation with inane chatter. I find it unbearable when no-one is speaking at all. We did however all have a laugh just before we left so at least most of them seemed to leave a little happier. I just seem to feel desperately alone and lonely. Oh well I am sure that this feeling will lift soon.

Well what do you think, as I set off for home I became desperate to go to the loo. So I went to Tesco, used their loo and then went round the store and spent £13.60.  Puts a whole new meaning on the term "spending a penny" doesn't it. lol

Take care all.

Love and angel hugs x x Patricia x x

Ah Patricia , so sorry the group session was so upsetting , thats why i've decided against the group sessions my hospice have offered me , i cant relive it all again , maybe one day but not yet ..xx take care xxxxxxxxxxx

Lynne, I think that I was feeling low before I even got to the session so not sure it was anything to do with the group. Thanks for the hugs though.

Love and angel hugs x x Patricia x x

My lovely Patricia - the squashiest Bug Hig is on its way to you.  I think that your difficulty with gaps in the conversation is because you seem to spend all your time worrying about other people, and when it goes quiet you automatically think you need to sort it out for everyone else.  I just wish I could 'nip round' and look after you when you are having bad day. 

Ailsa - bon voyage for the weekend.  Just you go and show these Parisians how to look stylish. I bet the sitting room looks lovely - lighting can make such a difference can't it.  I am an authority on these things because I make sure that I walk the dogs at a time when people have turned their lights on but not yet shut the curtains.  Some people have horrific taste you know! LOL. 

Gayle - I can assure you that knowing my SD and her husband, if the dog did anything like that to a car they would leave the car as well and just buy a new one.  Youngsters heh ....... has anyone else noticed that policemen are looking young too !!!! LOL.

Fiona hun, hope that things are going ok, it will take ages before you stop expecting to see Scooby.  Kim will be fine hun, she is nearly there now - and from the second that wee one arrives you will be a busy lady.

Helen, hope all good with you.  I am slightly concerned, because of you even I am starting to actually notice if Liverpool are playing or winning - Thank you very much .... NOT .... I have very happily wandered through life without ever paying any attention to things football related until now!  Now cricket there is a sensible game - you can go to sleep in a deck chair for three hours and when you wake up you haven't missed a single thing.  My kind of sport.

Sue - I think you need to take heed - I don't know if you have noticed but some people have been sneaking in very good pictures.  Watch your crown.  Dottee - love and Bug Higs to you and Alan. Rosemary, hope everything going ok. 

Judi

How kind you all are. I am but one of many who are going throught the hardest of times. I have just watched the rememberance day service and found  it to be so emotional. Why oh why do our young men and women have to fight a war so far away which to me seems to be futile. The families of these young men and women must be going through all kinds of hell. There but for the grace of God go I. It could so easily have been my family who were grieving the loss of a young life.

Just to let you know I have at last put the last brush stroke of paint to the bathroom walls.  Better late than never. I need to find some new floor covering now and then start on the bedroom aarrrggghhh.  Dread the thought but needs must seeing as I have taken all the wallpaper off.  Why oh why did I do it?

Well I hope everyone has the best day they can.

Love and angel hugs x x Patricia x x

Dear Patricia   Bug higs just for you

sue xx

Good evening everyone.  Good luck with the painting Patricia - that comes from the heart of a person who is very nearly at the end of her tether with her own decorating.  I need to do a bit of filling and painting tonight so that my parents can hang some wallpaper on one wall while I am away this weekend.  Then I can carry on next week and maybe get a few things back on the walls so that it seems a bit more like home.  It definately won't be finished before the end of the month but that is not so long now is it?  I read about your counselling group with interest again.  I still haven't done anything more about finding some counselling for myself.  Maybe when the sittingroom is finished I will consider it again.  I am sorry yours was so emotional this time but like you said you were probably feeling fragile before you went.  I hope that maybe you feel a little better today.

I am feeling a bit down tonight.  I think I am tired anyway from working and decorating.  I am excited about this weekend but aprehensive as well.  Then just before I left work I got a text message from the lad who is putting the headstone and curb on Chris's grave apologising but saying he can't do it this coming weekend because the lad that is going to help is away for the weekend - he hadn't checked.  He wants to do it on the last weekend in November now.  I am upset but I just need to get over it as Ryan is doing this in his own time and he is a friend and wouldn't let me down if it could be avoided.  he can't do the job on his own.  I still haven't heard when the bench will be put in place so I am just feeling a bit sorry for myself.  It doesn't take much does it - we seem to tread a very fine line between good days and bad days don't we?

It is always lovely to see your picture on here Sue - hope you are okay this evening.

How is everyone else doing this evening?  Ailsa xx