My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hi Lynne

Yes we had a lovely night thanks. Nothing planned tonight, few drinkies and x factor. It`s good you`ve got things planned for the weekends, I find I need to do that too. Feel more settled if I know I`ve got at least one thing planned for following weekend otherwise it feels quite bleak!!

Think it will be busy tonight but I`m sure you`ll enjoy it after a few drinks. Enjoy

Helen xx

Thanks Helen , yes it drives me mad if i know the weekend is coming up and i've got nothing planned but usually something turns up (usually kids ) . I used to love cosying up on the sofa but obviously cant do that so i'd rather be out . I hate these dark nights . Enjoy x factor , i'll be recording it and watch it in the morning . Take care

Lynnexxxx

Hi all!  Up to my eyes in it all week again, but at last I have the new fridge installed and the "built in" door refitted thanks to my dear father in law.  It took two days - about 5 hours each day - to get it all fitted, he is a little slow now bless him and thinks for a very loooooong time before he does anything, inclucing choosing which screw to fit in which hole. Together with all the usual day to day stuff of course and Samantha coming back from holiday on Tuesday (hooray!), she did have a good time on the whole apart from the upset with the "friend" and spending all her money for both of them to do things.  Anyway that is over now.

Trying to sort out getting another horse at the moment, we are bringing my daughters horse home to Daniels place next door, he has a little one bedroom cottage but it has some land and stables so ideal and saves so much time and money.  I currently share a horse with someone and was hoping to bring him home with Sam's horse, Beckham, but the other person doesn't want to give him up so I have to in order to go ahead with our plans.  Not an easy thing though and not much about either.  Sometimes I wonder what on earth I am doing but in the long term it will be good I think both for us and the horses.

Sons!  Mine is 19 and I know he misses his dad so much, but it isn't easy getting him to talk either.  The other day he was here though when someone phoned to speak to Steve and, although I thought I was handling it and coping well as it was a charity donation he always did so I thought I would just continue it but then they asked what name I would like to go on the ticket, I couldn't speak and just broke down crying.  The poor woman must have wondered what was going on, but anyway Daniel was there and he was wonderful (aren't they always) and that then led to him crying too and actually opening up a little bit and then we just sat and hugged for a while and agreed that however much we carry on and keep going every day we miss Steve and want to tell him things that we are doing.  I know what you all mean though about wanting to take the hurt away, but we can't can we, all we can do is listen, be there and let them know it is alright to share their feelings and it is right that we all hurt as they have lost a wonderful father just as I have lost my other half and wonderful husband.

OH MY GOODNESS!  Sam has just walked in wearing her Halloween outfit .... short isn't the description you can use for that.... um skirt?  I don't think I should let her out!  But she is 22 and insists that she will be with her friends and safe and not drinking.  Stockings and suspenders, angel wings and a halo... in black.   Aaaggghhh, got to go now to take her into town - I will have the police on standby .   xxxx

Esme - I so wish I could see a photo.  I'm sure Samantha looks great but I bet you wish she was only going to a friends house!!  She will be fine.

I have had a few trick or treaters but still have loads of sweets left.

Finally got started on the painting today.  Most of ceiling is done.  I will be able to get started earlier tomorrow so I will get loads more done now I have started.

I glad you had a good time with your friends last night Helen.

Stu's girlfriend is round here tonight with me as Stu has gone into town and Suzanne is studying.  She has been telling me that Stu had a big cry during the week just after he went to bed.  It seems to be the same theme as the other lads - just wanting to share things with his Dad and he can't.  Oddly I can remember Chris being just the same when his dad died 3 months before we got married.  I find it really odd that Chris & I married just 3 months after his Dad died, since Chris died.  I can't imagine my kids being able to go through with that in less time that we have had since May.  To be fair though Chris was serving with the army in Germany when his Dad died so I don't think it hit him until he left the army 6 months later.  It is one of the many things I wish I could talk to Chris about, but only since he died so I suppose that means it is one of those conversations I would never have had as it is only triggered by Chris dying.  Sorry if that is not clear but I know what I mean!?

Change of topic completely!!  I did something I have never done before, today.  I spent a small fortune on some really good makeup after asking the advice of the lady on the L'Oreal counter in Boots.  I normally wear mascara and lip gloss but not much else.  I suddenly realised that if I have this big night out in London followed by a trip to Paris next month I should make an effort.  I bought foundation type makeup for the first time in my life.  Here's hoping it boosts my confidence on my sister's hen do.

Getting another horse sounds really interesting Esme.  My eldest daughter did a lot of rising when she was growing up

Hope you are having a great night out Lynne.

Need to do a few jobs before bed.  X factor was okay tonight - it will be interesting to see who goes out tomorrow.  I don't think there are any superstars in it this year.  I can't see the eventual winner doing much to be honest.  What do you all think?  Any favourites?

Ailsa xx

Evening Everyone,

Hope you  are all ok tonight, i have been at Kim's for a takeaway tonight and see her friends wee girls dressed up for halloween  they both looked so sweet one is 3yrs and the other 6 months. Well my cat not doing any better he is just not picking up so phoned vet and have to take him back in on Mon and they will x ray him, he is still not eating and just sleeping all the time. I just wish he was better. I am going to clean Kim's flat tomorrow before she hands over the keys she had it let out so i hope it's not too bad. I think we are in for a wet day tomorrow so at least i will have something to do. I am  off to bed now but will see if i can get Scooby to eat something first. Fiona xxxxxxxxxxx

Hi guys

Just watched X factor too, I haven't read anything about Danyl in the papers so am a bitty lost regarding all the todo!!

Fiona, I hope that Scooby starts to pick up soon, and that Kim's flat is ok. 

I know what you mean about weekends, as long as I have been out in the day time I can cope with the evenings, but don't like having nothing at all planned, get a bit 'jittery'. 

Ailsa, good on you for splashing out at the make up counter - I bet you don't need it but sometimes just putting on the war paint can make you feel a bit 'protected' I think.  Lynne ..... I need photos of this skirt, and if it is as short as Esme's Samantha's skirt I will be having words with you!!!! lol.  Dottee - hope you and Allan are enjoying your well deserved weekend of rest - after last weekend I think you should both be slothing out at home. 

Helen, you are getting very creative with your FB photos!! I don't think I will bother trying to find someone to do a makeover on me - I will just send you a photo and you can do it!

Ah, Boys - mine phoned tonight.  He is doing the sound at a gig/venue in Glasgow tonight - and I think you have sent him your outfit Lynne!!!! A witch wearing a short skirt - please explain yourself! (He decided against the high heels though - don't think he found a female friend with size eleven feet!)

Love to all - I assume Patricia is working and we will hear from her soon.

Judi xxxxx

Morning everyone - won't say good as the weather is atrocious as forecast.  At least I can get on with the painting!  I am just the same with weekends - need lots planned to get me through.

Good luck with cleaning Kim's flat today Fiona - hope it is not too big a job.  I hope Scooby is no worse and maybe even a little bettr today.

Looks like we have your rain now Judi.  I hope your son's gig went well last night.  I was born in Glasgow.  That is where my parents are from.  I have family in Drymen.  It is funny how small the UK is sometimes.

I really hope everyone else is okay today.  I feel an urge to check on here regularly today to make sure.  Right - best get back to the painting!  Ailsa xx

Morning

The weather is awful here too. Good day for painting Ailsa!!

Fiona hope Scooby getsome answers at the vet tomorrow. Judi can`t you tell I was bored last night playing with the photo things on facebook lol!!

Lynne how wasyour night out? Esme hope your daughter had a good night too.

I`m still in bed with a coffee and laptop watvhing tv, lazy eh? Last lie in, back to work tomorrow. Me and Nat are going to the gym later, not been all week!!

Hope everyone else is ok too. Know what you mean Ailsa about having to check on here regularly, me too!!

Helen xx

Morning All , well i got through my night out , at least i turned up a few didn't come , but town was packed  but there was some fantastic outfits , and no Judi my skirt wasn't that short , (well maybe in a few places ) but the thick tights covered my modesty . A few pics on f/b . Helen bed  at this time, make the most of it , i'm waithing for a break in the rain to go to the cemmy , i dont think i'm going to get one so i'm going to wrap up and go before the kids get here , there all coming for dinner today . I'lll read through all the other posts again and get back to you , nothng is sinking in at the mo lol

Lynne xxxxx

Will be back later to post properly - I just wanted to reassure you all that you haven't stolen my weather.  It is still most definitely here!! Just back from walking dogs and am about to jump in the shower (again) to warm up.  Yuck. Judi x