6 months on this path

Nothing wrong with that it’s lovely words and so true x 

My husband sometimes used to write me poems.

I’m having a slow start to the day woke with migraine again and feeling sorry for myself. I’ve really been missing his silly looks he gave me at times and smiles and just some daft things he would do his sense of humour was a bit mad. 

Where I have started taking extra sleeping tablets I have slept more soundly and am not on here throughout the night but I have been waking up with migraines instead! 

I hope you're migraines, get sorted out.

Just been out and got Sue some flowers for tomorrow. Feel a wave coming. 

Last night I spent 2 hours crying, rocking on the sofa with my arms hugging my knees as tightly as possible to my chest. 
The while 2 hours I just kept saying over and over and over

I just want you to hug me. Please. Just a hug.

Its flaming unbearable isn’t it

Certainly is unbearable.
I got out and went for a walk but it doesn’t help just a change of scenery and a bit of gentle exercise (blood and urine tests early tomorrow) but admittedly my head was down I can’t appreciate much. 
I feel the same now as I did 10 weeks ago but at least then I got some decorating done.  Nothing has improved it’s the fear of being alone and unloved as as you say missing those special hugs and everything else that came with it. 

I met my partner and he was a widow. I worried he would compare.  He never did. Far from it.  And now, I think, as he's gone too,  that I couldn't replace him. Noone would come close . And I worry in the future I will be ruined by making comparisons.  Because, I don't want to be alone. I need someone.  I just hope when that time comes , if it does; that I will not ruin it by looking for the impossible.   I will take a leaf out of my partners book maybe,  and want 'different.'  But at the moment, the thought is far far away.  x

Hi Ghostlove!

What lovely words and well done having the courage to write this. 

xx

Thank you 

Hi GhostLoveScore

Your words are lovely & really resonate with me.  It’s 6 months for me Thursday 31st.  I miss him more with everyday that goes by & I am dreading Thursday - it’s the thought of it getting longer & longer since I last saw him, touched him, gave him a kiss - I don’t find the time passing comforting but quite the opposite.

Hi, thank you.

I did cry more then usual,but not as bad as expected. I managed a sandwich and walked up to the local church too light a candle . For Sue I always do on the 25th. I am not really religious, but it does comfort me. I turned down a phone call, so I spent it totally on my own. 

You do what yo have to do and what is right for you. If you need to talk just post on here. It is hard not been able to touch and hear are loved ones. Take care 

I’m not religious but light a candle every 26th at the church my beautiful Valen had his funeral. 
I promised him I would once a year, but have got into the habit of monthly. 
I don’t say a prayer or anything like that. Just sit and cry a little (or a lot). And then let the peace and quiet wash over me. 

Valen’s family are Catholic but he was never bothered up till his terminal diagnosis. Then we went weekly to the “soft” service, no bells and whistles. 
The last time we went we spoke to the Father and arranged to meet to discuss his service. 
Valen was taken a few days later, so when I met Father it was on my own to discuss the arrangements Valen had already made and discussed with me and the funeral director.

Its a really pretty little church so I don’t feel overwhelmed when I do go.