6 months on this path

Nothing wrong with that it’s lovely words and so true x 

My husband sometimes used to write me poems.

I’m having a slow start to the day woke with migraine again and feeling sorry for myself. I’ve really been missing his silly looks he gave me at times and smiles and just some daft things he would do his sense of humour was a bit mad. 

Where I have started taking extra sleeping tablets I have slept more soundly and am not on here throughout the night but I have been waking up with migraines instead! 

I hope you're migraines, get sorted out.

Just been out and got Sue some flowers for tomorrow. Feel a wave coming. 

Last night I spent 2 hours crying, rocking on the sofa with my arms hugging my knees as tightly as possible to my chest. 
The while 2 hours I just kept saying over and over and over

I just want you to hug me. Please. Just a hug.

Its flaming unbearable isn’t it

Certainly is unbearable.
I got out and went for a walk but it doesn’t help just a change of scenery and a bit of gentle exercise (blood and urine tests early tomorrow) but admittedly my head was down I can’t appreciate much. 
I feel the same now as I did 10 weeks ago but at least then I got some decorating done.  Nothing has improved it’s the fear of being alone and unloved as as you say missing those special hugs and everything else that came with it. 

I met my partner and he was a widow. I worried he would compare.  He never did. Far from it.  And now, I think, as he's gone too,  that I couldn't replace him. Noone would come close . And I worry in the future I will be ruined by making comparisons.  Because, I don't want to be alone. I need someone.  I just hope when that time comes , if it does; that I will not ruin it by looking for the impossible.   I will take a leaf out of my partners book maybe,  and want 'different.'  But at the moment, the thought is far far away.  x