My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hi All,  Hope you are all doing ok tonight, it's very windy here tonight i am just watching x factor been on my own tonight i hate it but what can i do, i have to just get on with it. I have nothing planned for tomorrow just cemetary with flowers mind you they will not last if this weather stays like this. We will have to remember to put clocks back before going to bed we will have to get use to it being dark at tea time it' s also a thought. o what a moan i am tonight please forgive me. Think i would be better in my bed speak tomorrow. Luv and Hugs to you all.xxxxxx

Evening all and what a long evening it seems . I have had a lovely couple of days but now everyone is gone it just renforces how lonely life can be . We put my 2 eldest grand children (4and 3 ) in my bed last night so there mum and dad could have a drink and i slept in a little corner of the bed , but it was lovely to wake up to their cuddles this morning even if it was 6 oclock . We had a lovely lunch and then we spent a couple of hours in the sunshine at the cemetery .It was lovely , lots of laughter and tears . But now its back to normal again , i'm hopng to have a better week than last week . Hope your feeling better now Fiona , did you get any sleep ? Hope your weekend has been great Helen xx And Dotte how are you , i hope you had the same weather we had here . Hope your ok xx. Hi to everybody else , its very quiet . Whats everybody up too ? Sue are you ok ?

Take care Lynne xxxx

Hi, Lynne - how lovely for you to have the family at the weekend - but yes, i know what you mean about the quiet house. Fortunately Alice still lives at home, and we have 2 big labradors and 2 kittens so the house is never empty.

I'm OK, thanks. haven't had a lot of spare time lately to post, and feel guilty because i don't want to be thought of as a 'user', just coming on here when it suits me. i do read all the posts daily, and keep up to speed with what's going on with everyone. work has been hectic and very tiring, and what with doing alice's room and going to my pub quiz once a week  and trying to keep the house looking half decent (failing miserably!!) I've been so knackered that i haven't had the energy to post. I am sorry that I've not been around enough, because I know how much my friends on here have helped and supported me through dark times, and ~I should be doing the same for them.

i have my mother staying with me this week as it's half term; she is recovering amazingly well from her stroke, and my helen went down to Cornwall yesterday and brought her back today.i shall take her home on friday and come back Saturday. the forecast this week is good, so will be able to get to the cemetery.

 Love to all

sue x

Hi Sue , no need to say sorry , i'm just glad your ok and keeping busy , I hope you have a good week with your mum. It does help when someone is there doesn't it . I 'm really gratefull for the kids this weekend , i just miss my old life and of course my husband so much .. Take care Lynne xxxxxxxx

Evening everyone

Thanks for your comments JuJu, like Lynne says it`s interesting to hear from someone further down this journey.

Hope you`ve finished your cleaning Gayle and you`re putting your feet up.

Lynne glad you`ve had a good weekend, aren`t our kids great, so thoughtful xx Sorry it all has to end though ((()))

Sue you don`t need to apologise, we know how busy you are with work etc xxx

I have had a fantastic weekend and feel really relaxed tonight. Blood brothers was excellent and got a standing ovation. We found the restaurant we liked last time we were in Maanchester and then had a few drinks in hotel bar. Had a lovely buffet breakfast this morning then a good day shopping. Found the Primark!! and had a good look round the Arndale Centre. Chilling with a glass of wine now. Son was ok too and house in one piece!!

How`s everyone else who`s been quiet this weekend? Hope you`re all ok

Helen xxx

dear helen,

Sooooo glad you've had such a brill weekend; hopefully we'll soon have more of them than the other!!!

       One of alice's favourites!

Enjoy half term.

sue x

Thanks Sue, the only way is up as the song goes!!

Enjoy your half term too xxxx

Helen x

Glad your wekend was good Helen , we do need these distractions dont we . I'm out next sat for halloween with the girls from work so i'm looking forward to that . Just waiting for x factor to come on  , surely the boys have got to go this week xxx

Yeah Lynne it definitely helps xx

Surely they must go tonight!!

They blooming didn't!  How can they be getting rid of decent people and keeping those idiots in? 

Aagghhh having a right evening here. Samantha is away in Tenerife with a "friend", which is actually a huge thing for her as its the first big holiday on her own (without me) me since her accident.  Just had a phone call from her in tears as the friend has told her that all her friends are getting fed up and dont;t think she wants to go out with them anymore and if she doesn't start making an effort she will lose them.  Well they all like pubbing and clubbing, which she can't cope with anymore, firstly she can't drink really and she does get very tired so can't stay out too late, also lately she has started getting panicky about going out at all, probably the stress of knowing she has to try and keep up with them all.  She needs to rest every day around lunchtime but has been making herself keep going on holiday, so it all caught up with her on Saturday and she felt ill, but her friend says that the tiredness is all in her head (right there thats where the injury is) and she should try and make herself get on with things and just get over it.  Oooh I could slap her!  I;m actually glad Steve isn't here at the moment he would be so angry and want to fly out there to her, it's what I want to do.  They have no idea what she has to do to get through every day and to try to get her life back - they have no idea because they never bother to find out and be with her.

Sorry feel a bit better now, I can't tell anyone here, her brother is just off to work so I don't want to worry him and ditto the rest of the family, they would all be upset like me and there's nothing any of us can do.  I posted a growly status on Facebook as some of her friends are on my FB too so they might read it and possibly think on for a moment or two, maybe.

Been reading through lots of your posts and wish I could give you all a hug, lots of you are where I was not long ago and although I still find it so hard without Steve and miss him every day, it is getting a bit easier, I can sleep a bit better now (I think it's knowing he is still there watching over us, I still say goodnight to him last thing) and I am learning to cope with things.  I still cry for all sorts of reasons, a whole stack of songs will set me off, but I managed to keep hold of it all when I met a lovely lady in the middle of Co-op yesterday, she was one of the carers that came in to help look after Steve in the last three days, at one time I would have been blubbing all over the place (this time I managed to finish the shopping, get back to the car and let go there for a moment).  So I think I am trying to give you hope, things do get easier and better in a way, I almost feel guilty for saying it but thats silly, it doesn't mean I love Steve any less, miss him any less or want him back any less, but it's what I know he would want - I'm carrying on and trying to make a life without him here, but with him in my heart.  Who knows what the future will bring, I don't even want to ask right now, but for his sake and for the childrens sake and for my own sake I have to do the best that he always did for us.  Sorry rambling on and sounding like I'm lecturing from a soap box. If it helps anyone then I;m glad if not just pour me another Baileys and let me sleep - love you all, take care and stay safe, and sleep well with our very special guardian angels watching over us xxxx