My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hi Anthea i'm so sorry i dont have time to respond fully , its always a mad rush in a morning , i'm glad you've found this site and i'm sure you;ll get the help you need , a big hug to you and your daughter , my only quick bit of advice is , you need professional help for him , mac nurse or someone would be a start . you and your daughter can't cope with this alone .. god bless xxxx

Lynne xxxx

Hi, Anthea

Welcome---am off to work, will speak later.  Lynne is right - mac nurse is your first port of call. Their number is on the home page, but you will need a referral from his GP.

Sue x

Morning Anthea

I am so sorry that you and your daughter and having to deal with this.  You are in such a difficult position because of the situation.  Although Ed and I did not have any experience ourselves of the Mac nurses, as he went downhill so quickly in the last week and was in hospital before they had visited but from everything I hear they are marvellous.  But I do know that it was through our GP they were organised.  Maybe that is the place you could start, by phoning his GP surgery and although they may not be able to tell you very much because of patient confidentiality, you could tell them your concerns re your daughter.  Surely they must understand.  I have been helped hugely by joining  this group over the coming days keep posting - because there are a lot of us out here who care. 

Hugs to you.

Judi xxx

Hi Anthea,  so sorry to hear of your circumstances.  I cannot really offer any different advice to what has already been mentioned.  It is very difficult if your husband (or ex) is refusing to accept help. Ray and I did have Macmillan services in place and were very grateful for it in the end.  Unfortunately for Ray he did have to usse the hospice and that was where he eventually died.  It was lovely place and he felt safe there. I understand your deep concerns for your daughter though.  Good luck and I hope that yours fears do not come to fruition. 

Hi everyone else. I have been working over the week-end and also had difficulty posting on here.  You all seem to have had varying times over the week-end and I hope that you are all now looking forward to a new and interesting week.

Love and angel hugs x x Patricia x x

Thanks for all your hugs xxx I had a good cry last night and felt bit better this morning. Think you`re right Ailsa it was a lovely day and Paul`s absence was painfully obvious at his mum and dad`s. Hope you got on ok with your van.

Lynne hope you`ve had a nice time with your Grandson for his birthday.

Anthea I can only echo what everyone else has said. Sorry you find yourself on this site but it is the best place for support.

I am meeting up with the group later that want to organise Paul`s memorial charity night so will let you know of their plans. I have also phoned the funeral directors to see if we`re any closer to getting Paul`s ashes buried. No news yet but they have cashed the chegue!!

Hope everyone else has had an ok Monday

Helen xxx

Hello everyone.  Sounds like both Lynne and Helen are going to be busy tonight so I hope you both hve a good time.  After yesterday helen - you may find the meeting tonight difficult as well but try to enjoy it.  It is lovely that your friends all think so much of you and Paul.

Hello Anthea.  I hope you and your daughter are both okay.  I really hope you both have some support from family nearby as well.  I can only add to what the others have said - macmillan are your best bet.  My husband desperately wanted to die at home and the macmillan nurse made sure I knew exactly how to let that happen and helped me when I was too numb to think for myself.  If your ex-husband wants to be at home the macmillan nurse will respect that and should be able to help with your fears that your daughter may be with her dad on her own when he dies.  He will need reassurance as well that no-one is going to make him go to hospital if he doesn't want to.  It should just take a call to his GP.  Take care of yourselves.

I hope everyone else has had a decent day.  I got my van back and I can get out of the drivers door now.  It looked pretty silly when I had to get in the drivers side and out of the passenger side!!  If the repair doesn't last I may need a new part but for now I am giving the repair a chance and the mechanic didn't charge me anything - good eh?

Ailsa xx 

Well Ailsa let's hope the repair has done the trick and you no longer have to play automobile acrobatics.

Hope everyone has a good night whatever they are doing. I have just returned from a visit to mum-in-law. Poor thing is feeling quite unwell at the momnent and having difficulty straying too far from bathroom. My dad is now feeling a little better than he has been.  Flippin urinary tract infection amongst other things has put him out of action.  Never rains but it pours eh??  They neither of them want to bother me 'cause they say I have ernough to think about.  Grrrrrr...  I keep telling them I love them and want to be there for them.  Ahh well.  I guess I should practice what I preach so I do understand their independant streak .

Anyway enough of my rambling.

Love and angel hugs x x Patricia x x

Hello everyone, I still haven't read all the posts. I just hope that everyone is doing ok. Janie and me are well. We see each other when ever we can, we spent last week together.

Kev xx

Evening girls, and Kev and Janie - welcome Anthea although it's always a rotten reason for being here.  I can't add anything to the advice that has already been given - but like everone else I have strong, broad shoulders to lean on whenever you feel the need.  Love and ((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))) to all Dot xxxxxxxxxxx

Evening All,

I seem to be getting later  and later ever night, Anthea i hope you find the help you need. Well i am a bit better again, just picked myself up and kept busy. Had the day off work so i went out for lunch with  Kim and a wee look in the shops but back tomorrow then off for two days. Hope everyone is doing ok. It's 10 months for me tomorrow since Derek died, it doesn't get any easier still think he is going to walk through the door. O tears are starting so i better get off to bed. Speak soon.

Take Care

Fiona xxxxxxxxxxx