My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hi guys

What I find both amazing and comforting in equal amounts is how we all seem to go through, even if not at the same time, similar emotions.  I have to admit that until I 'found' you guys I did wonder if anyone else really understood.  Now I know.

Have had a better day today, and I think it is because I had no choice but to be very busy (for me anyway).  Because the only real commitment in my life at present are two large, but incredibly lazy hounds and one part time but incredibly flexible job, I am able to put off or even not do just about everything.  I am very good at this.  However, today for various reasons I had to have walked the dogs and be out of the house before nine, had a hair appointment at 10.30, home to walk dogs then off to work and then home to cook tea for a friend.  (not such a busy day for many but quite epic for me) and as a consequence am feeling better than I have for days. 

Now I am not saying that I am going to go to the gym (Helen!!) or do a marathon tomorrow, but maybe I will take this on board and try to be more active.  My bottom is certainly spreading sideways and the settee may appreciate the break.  Gayle, three weeks, not long at all.  I think the girls are right - and that renting will turn out to be for the best.  Patricia, keep those angel hugs coming please. Hugs to everyone.

Judi xx

Judi, well done on your 'epic' day.  I do so understand what you say. I have put on so much weight over the past few months and really do have to take myself in hand. I no longer need an excuse to be lazy. I just am.  When I am at work I just keep on going and going and going. Home is a different matter.

It seems to me that I am in apathy mode and just cannot shake it off.

(((((((((((((((((((((((ANGEL HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))  Judi.  

I hope that today is a good one for you all.

Love and angel hugs x x Patricia x x

Morning All,

Catching up in all the posts, we all seem to be feeling the same, i am dreading Christmas we didn't have Christmas last year, Don't know what it will be like this year as Kim's baby should be here but it will still be a sad one. I also know what you all mean about saying to people I am fine when really you are not so i am the same try to put a face on instead of breaking down in front of people.Also i seem to be putting weight on and no motivation to try and get it off. I was at our local theatre last night with a friend to see Mad About Musicals it was good but don't really feel comfortable in a big crowd now. Well better go and get some housework done as Kim is full of cold and off work so will go and see how she is doing then go and see to my dad. Speak soon.

Take Care

Fiona xxxxxxxxxx

Nice to see you fiona.  Hope you enjoyed the show.  Babies somehow change things so hopefully it will give you a new focus.  Have a good day if you can. x x Patricia x x

Hi everyone xxx

Judi well done, being busy definitely helps me but don`tget too tired!!

Gayle not long now, good luck xxx

It is also true that you say`I`m fine!` when you feel like saying, no, life is crap, I`m sad and lonely etc etc!!!!

My mind is constantly wandering to different scenarios when Paul was ill, things that were said and happened. Torturing myself really but it just happens!! Must be `the process`

One thing I`m looking forward to Xmas for is to see my brother, sis in law and  niece and nephew. They are living abroad for 2 years so it will be lovely to have them staying with us. Hopefully will help us through a difficult time. Children are good at that aren`t they?

Have a nice night everyone

Helen xxx

Helen, children are good at getting you through certain things.  I have found myself attatching myself to my little great-niece whenever I feel really down.  She is such a joy to be around and only 11 months old bless her.Anyway, take care everyone. x x Patricia x x

Words of advice girls DO NOT TRY AND LAY CARPET BY YOURSELF, GET AND EXPERT!  Now seriously I mean it.  We had the hall, stairs and landing recarpeted yesterday (after a serious sewage leak in the hall, so the insurance paid a big chunk of it thank goodness), and we did have a proper fitter to put it down, but then there was some left over....... I can do this, I thought and took up the smelly, yukky bit in the spare room and started to refit the bits that were left over.  4 hours later and I was exhausted, the bits wouldn't go together properly, I was close to tears and sweating unpleasantly.  I had to laugh in the end though as I thought it was no good bursting into tears and wishing Steve were there to do it as I know what he would have said.... "Don't even think of it we'll get it done properly".... he was right.  He was probably already shaking his head and despairing of me.

Hi,

I can send you both a 3 and 5 year old - they are driving me nuts lol!!!  They are going away with my mum and dad tomorrow for the weekend and I can get on with my packing.  I am going to a psychic night on Saturday.  I set these up a while ago with the playgroup I help run as they are good for raising funds for our playgroup.  Although the last one we did was before Wully died so I am a bit apprehensive about it.  I need to go as I need to help out and be the announcer etc but if I feel uncomfortable then I can sit outside while it is going on.

There has been a bit of a debate in the Times just now about hydration during a persons last days.  When Wully was dying they stopped all fluids (he was heavily sedated) during about his last 24 hours and when I asked about it they said that it is normal and that it can cause more problems attaching a drip for a person in that condition.  However in one of the letters in the Times it mentioned a condition called terminal delirium (excuse my spelling).  So I looked it up as I have never heard it named before, however it is a common and known condition at the end of many peoples lives.  If that is the case why did the hospice not recognise it initially with Wully as he had all the classic symptoms from what I have read about it.  It wouldn't make a difference to question it now as I probably woudn't have reacted any differently but it was interesting and emotional reading about it.

Anyway, hope you all had a good day.

Gayle xx

Oh Esme, I'd have loved to have seen you!

I'm having some new flooring laid next week, but i'm definitely leaving it to the professionals!

i did it once, in a cloakroom, and it's really hard. I made a template out of several sheets of newspaper and cut the carpet from that. #it workes, but that was definitely the end of my carpet laying experiences.   Glad you could laugh about it, though - it's either laugh or scream sometimes!!

sue x

Hi everyone, Kev here sorry I haven't been here for a while but it is quite hard to find things or is it me??? I hope you are all ok and I will catch up with you all next week. I am down in Devon with Janiejane at the moment and we are getting on really really well. So until then I will say byebye for now.

Kev and Janiejane xx