My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

hi kev

lovely to see you back on every one all over the place now hope things are ok with you take care love janice xxx

Hello everyone.  Just thought I would pop on and catch up before going off to bed.  Lunch with my neighbour was nice.  Well done selling the bike Helen.  How did your son do in your new car?  The Liverpool trip sounds like it was a great memory Debs.  Can't believe you didn't get your dress Sue - sounds like an excuse for more shopping to me.  I like the sound of your mac ramble Dot - I haven't been on a walk for some time.  I've done a few in the past to raise money for various charities - good luck with it.  Lovely to hear from you again Kev.  Hope you get the hang of this new site soon.

Right I must go off to bed as this has been a busy weekend.  Sleep as well as you can.  Ailsa xx

Evening everyone.  Not so warm today so did top coat of paint - BUT don't know what's gone wrong but the top layer doesn't seem to want to stay on the underneath layer so I have two options - try another coat on top or put a lamp, some ornaments, some CDs, some books etc on top and then you won't be able to tell anyway.

Sue - I think that you really have no choice at all but to go out and try harder - we were all waiting to hear about a fabulous frock, you had our expectations up and now have a duty to complete the mission.  Having said that it is always the way isn't it, when you have the energy, the inclination and the excuse ..... there's nothing that grabs you.  It is out there somewhere, don't worry you'll find it.

Lynne, I think your car was telling you to slow down a little - hope it isn't too expensive to get fixed.  And I just know that you will still be there to see the bench in the morning. 

Debs, you snuck in under the radar because I was exhausted thinking about all Lynne's plans and then you went and did all that before lunchtime and were still planning to go the gym!  I think I may get you to come and live with me for a week as my motivational coach.

Helen, hope the bike going was okay for you.  I know what you mean about worrying, particularly about sons.  I am exactly the same - luckily mine seems to understand that his mother is not always totally rational and accepts the (over) concern with very good grace. 

Hi Gayle, I am very happy for you that you are going to be nearer your family.  I hope you didn't mind me asking, but occasionally I have had this feeling that it might be easier to move away, and wondered what had motivated you to do so.  I am quite lucky that Ed's sister is lovely ..... I have known her longer than I have known Ed, as she is one of my oldest friends' mum.  Yes, that means I married my friends uncle and by default became her aunt!  My family are 400 miles away and I haven't lived there for 25 years, so there is not an immediate pull to go back there.  And my poor dad has always 'fixed' everything that goes wrong for his children, and finds it very hard not to be able to 'fix' this for me.  Him and mum are always on the end of the phone and regularly make the long drive up. 

Ailsa, glad you enjoyed your lunch, don't work so hard this week.  Cherish yourself.- Dot - who did you bribe to get the green font!!!

Off for the last walk of the night with the seven and half legged (one has a limp today) hounds.

Night all

Judi xxx

Just about to sign off.  Hi Patricia, Hope your day was okay and that you still had family/friends round you - if that was what you wanted. 

Judi xx

Morning all , (well nearly afternon) just catching up on all your posts , sorry you didn't get your dress , hope your next shopping trip brings better results , i cant believe everything i bought yesterday fit and i haven't got to take anything back . Ailsa , hope your not doing to much with yoyr painting , you we're supposed to be having a chill out weekend ,, tell her Sue ..

Helen glad you got the bike sorted but it must have been sad for you too , I've still got 3 sets of drums (dont ask why 3) but i cant see me ever selling them but if ever i move i supose i'll have to think about it .. Debs Gordon was looking forward to the world cup and the olympics , i cant believe he didn't even make the start of this football season , i just hope he gets a good place to watch his beloved newcastle now , and he might even see the world cup in SA ,Wish we could have gone together .. Dotte i did get your link thank you but with being away last week i haven't had time to look but i will now , i'll let you know if i do it , i cant see why not , loof the walk round lady bower and if i can meet you thats even better .. Judi you may be right about the car telling me to slow down , i do seem to be busy all the time but i also seem to spend a lot of time here on my own , are the days longer now i'm on my own or do they just seem it ?? Gayle , Fiona and Patricia , hope your all ok , Kaz are you back yet , hI Kev , still in devon ?

Well the bench is finally in , i've had to drag myself away to try and sort the head stone out via phone and e mail , now that i cant drive to sort it out . the car is in the garage and  i was dreading going , i hate everything to do with garages and Gordon did it all on both our cars , but when i got there this morning the owner came running over to me and said how sorry he was , when i looked at him blank as i haven't been since i lost Gordon he said he'd seen his photo in the obituries and he was waiting to see me . He asked what was wrong with the car , he said dont worry i'll have a drive and let you know whats a matter , he then asked me if i needed taking home , i said my son was picking me up , It made a change to be treat like that there usually a litte grumpy but he was lovely today , so just waiting to hear from him now .

The christening was lovely , i'll put a few pics on face book after this , but i got a phone call in the afternoon to say my aunty had died , she'd had a stroke last wed but she did seem to be improving but her kidneys failed and she died very quickly , my dad is devastated she was his sister , but i said to him at least she went very quickly and she didn't suffer and her family didn't have to watch her suffer , Gordon struggled on for 6 days when his kidneys faliled and i still have those bad days in my head , i dont think they'll ever go . her family haven't got that , thank goodness i wouldn't wish it on anyone .. Not sure when the funeral will be , if its next week i'll mis it anyway , to tell you the truth i'm hoping it is , i dont think i can stand another funeral yet , it will be in the same church .

Anyway look at my long post not like me to gab on like this , i'm walking back to the cemetery later , got to take advantage of my bench , but i think i'm going to need a heater today lol ...

Take care

Lynne xxxxxxxxxx

Lynne, I am glad the Christening went well. i was at a Christening too yesterday. They are lovely occassions aren't they. Lovely to see the family together for good and happy reasons.  So sorry to hear about your auntie though. It is strange isn't it how life has so many twists and turns and ups and downs. Glad to hear the bench is finally in place.  Hope the garage can sort out your car without too much expense.Dottie what is the walk yuou are doing I must have missed that. Judi thanks for kind thoughts. Hope things are a little easier for you today. Want some more painting Ailsa?  Sue, when is the next retail therapy session??  Try not to stress too much about work issues.  You know it is bad for you (easier said than done I know). Kevin glad to see you are back. Helen, must have been hard to sell that bike well done. Gayle, another thing off your list getting garage sorted. Debs,  Fiona, Kaz.  Hope the weekend went well for you.  Hope I didn't forget anyone (mush for brains) I hope you all have the best day you can x x Patricia x x

Hi Patricia , yes christenings are good especially as the "do "afterwards was in the pub lol , like you say its ok when the family are there ,glad you enjoyed yours too ..

Dottee i've done it i've signed up for the walk . cant wait now , how long is it ? it will soon come round tho ..

Lynne xxxx

Afternoon everyone

So sorry to hear about your aunt Lynne, but your right at least she didn't suffer for long. i think most of us here have the awful memories of watching our loved ones suffer greatly for far too long and your right i don't think we will ever be able to forget those horrendous times. Hope your car doesn't work out too expensive. Glad your bench is ready, one less thing for you to be thinking about, now you will have to tell us if it is more comfy to sleep on the ground or bench!

Hope everyones days are going well, not doing too much today, been to the gym and have sorted out my uniform ready for tomorrow. surprisingly not feeling too bad about going back, but I'm sure as the time draws closer will get that sick feeling.

Debs x

Hi everyone,

Prepare for major rant!!  Sorry but I am having the worst day ever.  One of my clients complained today about work to one of my bosses.  Turns out it wasn't me that made the mistake, however I went to my bosses office to explain the situation and my other boss sent him an email which came up on the screen so I couldn't help but notice it saying "wait for her to hit you with my husband just died excuse" !!!!!!  Well as you could imagine my initial outburst was a few choice swear words directed at my boss then of course I was really upset.  How dare he!  Does he think I want to use it as an excuse??  I am still furious and not talking to him and just feel so distraught.  I just want to run home and hide under my duvet.  He sent me an email apologising but I just deleted it.  I can't even look at him or I will explode.  I have been feeling really tearful and unmotivated the past couple of weeks and that was just the icing on the cake.  I so wish I could just hand in my notice but I can't as I have a mortgage application to go through, kids to feed and a career to think of.  What a day!  I now have another 3.5hrs to work and I am so upset.  What upsets more is that I can't go home and share my rotten day with my hubbie who would then give me a big cuddle and some good advise and the usual your better than them line which always works though.   AAAAhhhh - sorry for the big rant but I am furious.  Hope you are all having a better day than me.

Lynne, so sorry to hear about your Aunt.  I can understand your reluctance to go to a funeral.  I don't think I will be able to face another one for a long time.

Hugs to everyone else.

Gayle xxx