My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hi everyone.  I'm away from home so that always makes catching up on here a bit more difficult.  Plus I haven't got pen and paper handy to make some notes as I go along - my memory being what it is lately!!!  How are you all?  Hello and welcome Judi - I'm glad you have found us and I am sure you will find everyone is so much support just as I have.

On the counselling topic - after my GP suggested I look in the yellow pages I took Coral's advice and contacted CRUSE.  No more luck there I'm afraid even though I spoke to a lovely lady there is a 5 - 6 month waiting list for an appointment.  I can still try the hospice but I will leave it a week or so as I am becoming disellusioned with the whole idea of counselling and think Helen is right - you lot and this site are all I really need. 

I am glad the water feature is done Lynne.  I will watch out for pics on here and FB.  Well done on getting a car sorted out Helen.

I will be thinking about you through this house move Gayle.  If it is getting you down make sure you come on here and vent your feelings and we will get you through it.

I am at my daughters this weekend and in an hour I am going to my sisters to meet up with the rest of my family for a late silver wedding bbq for my sister and her husband.  The anniversary was in July but just 4 days after my 32nd anniversary so they decided they didn't want to celebrate theirs if I might be upset by it.  Thoughtful but it is still special for them so I really wouldn't have minded.  Anyway the bbq is today instead.  It will be the first time I have seen some of them since Chris's funeral so I am slightly apprehensive.  I had a bit of a cry with Becky last night so I hope that means I keep it together today.  At least the weather looks like it is going to be nice.  What is everyone else up to?

The photograph you posted is lovely Sue.

Right - I had better as this is getting too long to read!  _ hope everyone else is okay.  I will pop on again tomorrow night when I get back and catch up with everyone else.  Take care.  Ailsa xx

Hi All , Ailsa enjoy bbq later , you,ve certainly got the weather for it , i'm hoping to get to the hospice next sunday and i might go for counciling , if inly for the fact it will give me chance to talk about Gordon without people thinking i'm boring them .I'll see what happens next week ,

I enjoyed my night out but there was a few tears , my sis and i got talking about my mum , cant say we'd put her on a back burner or anything but not really had a good chat about her for ages , its only 16/17 months since we lost her too , so although she is also on my mind , so is Gordon and my mind sometimes gets overloaded ..

I've done all i can in the garden now and ive put some pics on face book , i'd just missed the sun on it so probably not as good as they could be . I love it tho , just need a new bench but finding it hard at this time of year so i'll probably wait till next spring now , i'm also going to grass a lot of it but i think that can wait too , i've lifted enough pavers for this year lol .

Hope the car buying is going well Helen , we'll need to see pics . Hi to everybody else . I'd better get some packing done now , cant believe i'm going away , even if it is just butlins ..

Lynne xxxxxxxx 

Your photos are fab, Lynne - love them!

Thank you Sue , i love sitting there listening to the water , i'm so glad i did it , shame i,m not going to see it for a few days now but it will still be here when i get back .. Just need the sun to stay out this week ..

Lynnexxx

I`ll go and look at your pics in a min Lynne. The neightbours might think I`m mad taking photo`s of my new car!!! Yes I drove it home, that`s it I`ve done it!!! Not the one I ws looking at yesterday - same car but silver and younger but same price. Paul`s mum and dad came with me today, I just needed someone else to make sure I didn`t forget anything!!

Hope you have fun at the bbq Ailsa. I had a few tears this morning wishing Paul was here to help me buy this car xxx

Well I need to make tea now and do some ironing, this car buying has taken up the whole weekend

Helen xxx

Well done, you!!

That's a huge thing to do on your own, and how lovely of Paul's parents to go with you.

    there will be no stopping you now!!!!

Evening all , Glad you got the car sorted Helen ,sure Paul was with you , i know how hard it is doing things without the support of our men , sure the neighbours know your mad they dont need to see you taking pics of your car , is that not normal ? no oh thats why my neighbours think i'm mad i took photos when we got a new car in march  lol .

cant believe i'm going tommorow , but will get my head round it sooner or later ..

Thanks for the nice comments on face book Sue , i will do more to it but it will have to wait till next year now ..

Whts everybody up tonight , besides watching X factor  ..

Lynne xxx

Hope you have a fab week at Butlins - the forecast is good, so you should have at least dry weather!

must have a chat with your neighbours some time.....................

    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sue x

Yes Sue i've kept an eye on the weather , if its as good as this week we'll be very lucky . Ha Ha i wish x

Hello everyone, may I join you on your thread?  I have been on "What NoW" for a while but having all changed over I am totally lost as to where everyone and everything is.  Never mind the first thread I have found to draw my eye is yours and I have a lot of reading to do to catch up with you all as I have only done the first and last page at the moment! 

So firstly love and hugs to you all on here you all sound really great and wonderful support to each other, and it is both good and bad to find that all I feel is the same as so many others.  I lost my husband, Steve, to cancer on 8th January this year after 5 months of chemo and horrendous illness and suffering for him, I hate the fact that in the end it was a relief for him to die.  So many things I have read from you all I have also struggled with, the paperwork (does it NEVER end?) I've bought a car, had to change insurances etc to my name, dealt with b****y banks and officials in all sorts of places and found the most wonderful plumber who is dealing with goodness knows how many problems we are now having with the house. 

I am looking forward to seeing the pictures of Lyns garden (I think I have the right person) we have made a garden for Steve, with a gazebo and a memorial stone where his ashes are.  It was a lot of work and my son started it the day after the funeral, a week later the ground literally froze and we have had friends helping and family planting and all sorts going together to make it the special place that it now is.  I feel Steve is with me everywhere, not just where his ashes rest, but sitting in the gazebo in his garden, especially when the sun is shining, is so peaceful and makes it all worthwhile.

So many things have changed since we lost Steve and I don't know that he would like all of them, but I think he would understand.  Tomorrow my 19 year old son moves into his own place, not far from us, but I feel so mixed up happy and sad that he is making this big leap but also breaking my heart that I am losing a bit of him so soon after losing his dad.  He needs his space though and there are many good reasons for him to go, but damn I'm going to miss him!

Just realised I am rambling on so I will post this, try and catch up with you all and learn everyones names and stories.  We will survive and being here together is a big part of how - whoever it was above that said this place is better than going for counselling I heartily second that.  Take care all xxx