My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Thanks Sue , well if i made you all smile then i'm smiling too , it must have looked funny , i am hoping noone walked past and saw me but i'll never know .. Hope work is going ok xxxxxxxxxx

Hello Ladies,

I know what you mean Helen about being cross. I am having one of those weeks and just can't shake the grumpiness. Just feeling like staying in my bed with the duvet over my head and I am really stroppy. Wully's credit card company phoned at 8.15 this morning and asked if it was a good time to talk and they got a right earful. I can laugh about it now but I was so mad at the time as I got a fright when the phone rang so early. Then my youngest fell out with me today and in between sobbing told me he doesn't like me and when I asked him why (again he had just had a row for pouring ice cream all over the carpet) he said it was because I am stupid. Two seconds later he was kissing and cuddling me and telling me he loved me. One of those moments again that I can laugh about now as he was so mad with me and as a 3yr old couldn't really say why he was mad. He was furious lol!

I am definitely like pig sty in snoopy walking about in a black cloud lol. I think grief is a long drawn out rollercoaster and it definitely doesn't feel easier and I think people do assume you are getting "better" just because you are back at work or out doing normal things. The health visitor phoned me today to see how we all were and I told her about here and she said that often talking to people that have been through the same thing is the best help. So that just reassures us that we are getting the best counselling at the moment by helping each other. I also don't have any patience at the moment and like you if the slightest thing goes wrong (like a friend letting you down) you would normally not bother that much but now it seems like a big deal. Think I will go and watch TV for a little bit and then go to bed. Start again tomorrow and you can all keep your fingers crossed that I get a good offer tomorrow. Although I have to keep reminding myself that things happen for a reason and if they don't buy it, its for a reason.

Night all.

Gayle x

Night Gayle heres to a better day for us all tommorow xxxxxxxxxxx

Yeah think I am the same character today Gayle hee hee!! I`m thinking of going to bed soon too, wake up in a better mood!!

Helen xx

great minds think alike , night all , please let us all have a better day tommorow , xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

goodnight everyone and big hugs to you all as it sounds like you need it. Hope the morning brings better moods and good news.
debs x

Goodnight, everyone.
Hope you all have better days tomorrow.
sue x

Sending love to you all..x

Goodnight everyone. I'm a bit late on here tonight and I think you will all have gone to bed by now. That is where I should really be but feeling at odds with myself big style. Like most of you I seem to be having an off time right now. I know I started it myself by going camping without Chris without realising how hard that would turn out to be but I can't seem to get anything quite right just now. Tonight I wanted to watch the England match. I have the special shirt that I got in Chris's memory. Stu & Suzanne have one each as well now. I completely forgot that Toni said she was also going to come home tonight to watch the match and instead agreed to go to a pub to watch it. On the way out I realised I had forgotton my phone but decided it was no problem as I don't get many calls now that Chris isn't around to ring me. When I got home a little while ago I found I had 3 texts and missed calls from Toni. She had been home, found no-one here and started to worry. I feel so awful. I have spoken to her and everything is okay now but I feel so awful and unsettled now.
I've arranged to meet an old friend next Friday and then remembered that I have a hair appointment. I just don't seem to be able to think since I went away on the camping trip. I am calmer than I was a week ago so presumably I am going to get back on track sooner or later but I feel like I took a huge step back when I decided to go camping and I am taking some recovering. Sorry for the rant but I think it helps to get it off my chest or I may not sleep at all.
I have to join in the giggles at the thought of you asleep in the cemetery Lynne but I feel like I could do something similar - I'm glad you've warned me!
Good luck with the bank tomorrow Gayle and hold out for a better price on the house. I know it must be so difficult trying to deal with the sale of a house on your own but you will do it I'm sure.
I don't feel so bad about being at 6's & 7's just now as it seems quite a few of us are the same - including some of the children.
We will have to try to have some laughs in the next few days to try to brighten ourselves up.
Your last picture is lovely Sue - goodnight to you and everyone else as well. Ailsa xx

Morning All
Well managed to get to bed ok but couldn't sleep , had far to much yesterday , that will teach me to take a blanket to the cemetery lol . Hope your feeling better now Ailsa , what a time of it we all seem to be having , one step forward and 2 steps back , but isn't it amazing how when you write it aall down on here most of the time you can start to feel a little better . I'm determined to have a better day today , i have to i have driving assesments again and i dont want to scare the poor trainer to death . I'm going to get ready and go to our local24 hour tesco in a short while , that will pass a hour on before work and i do need some shopping .
Hope today is better for everyone .. I check in on you all through the day on my mobile but its to hard to post , by the time i've wrote a post out the connection usually goes . Speak later ..

Lynnexxxxxxxxxx