My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Evening everyone xxx

Well today wasn`t too bad, we joined up with Nursery this afternoon which was nice. Thought of Sue, hope you`ve had a good day too xxx How was everyone else`s day?

Helen xxx

Hi Helen, glad your first day back was okay.

Debs, I am sorry your girls have had to go through so much. My two boys are only 5 and 3 and like you I felt guilty as they spent a lot of time at their grandparents before their dad died but they understand and don't bother. Don't worry about it as I am sure they understood too. You are right that they have had a tough time (and you!). People always said to me "I don't know how you cope" but you just have too don't you? You are doing a great job and got the first day of secondary school over. My eldest just started primary 1 2 weeks ago and that was awful but I did it and I am sure my husband was looking down and very proud. Glad you had your Dad to help you today. What a pain they haven't collected the equipment yet. I must admit they were quick when I phoned. They came a couple of days later and like you say it helps take the horrible memories away of our loved one being very ill and you can start to try and concentrate on the good memories. You should get someone (like your Dad) to phone up and complain as it isn't very helpful to you seeing it every day although by the sounds of it you probably have.

My day was okay today. Been quite lazy and now sitting about with the usual anxious boredom. Think I will study tonight as that will pass a few hours. I have got loads of things I could do but just feeling a bit down so can't be bothered but can't be bothered doing nothing lol! I think I just need someone to come along and give me a kick up the ***!

Hope everyone else's day has been okay. It hasn't stopped raining here today.

Gayle x

Hello everyone, welcome Debs and sorry that you find yourself here and for your loss.

When Di died I phoned the district nurse to come and get all the drugs and things that reminded me of bad times and they came the next day also the Hospice driver came the following day to collect all their bits, so it as all done very quickly which was far better. Brad doesn't really ask about Di which does annoy me but might be just his way of coping!! It has now been 18 months since Di died and I have to say that as time has gone by it has got easier to deal with, I know people say that at times like ours it will get easier in time to deal with, it does, and I never ever thought I would say that. I can now look ahead in my life which only 2 months ago I couldn't and wouldn't, I was still in that black hole and it was getting deeper and deeper. I can hear Di saying to me "come on Kev get on with your life" and I am listening to her. Di was a fighter just like your husbands/partners and never complained with all the treatment she had. I just want to let you all know that it does get easier to come to terms with and there isn't a time scale it just sort of happens.

Kev xx

Evening all Youve had some fanastic advice Debs ,your emotions will be all over the place , guilt for getting on with things , even tho you know you've got to Liam would have wanted you too .My worse times are when im driving on my own (which is lots ) and then the tears come , but i think it would be worse if i didn't cry .
Glad you got through the day ok Helen , hope Sue is ok too , i'm sure she will be . I came straight in from work and went straight into the garden to try and get my memorial corner done , ive got all the base down now chippings , i've put some top soil in a little corner and planted some spring bulbs (far to long to wait ) i'm going to order my water feature tonight and then i've got to build a trellis up , bring on the power tools lol . I'm shattered tonight now , but i've enjoyed it too , even tho it kept raining ..
Hope everybody else has had a good day ..

Lynnexxxxxxxxxx

Hi everyone. Hope all is ok.. Micks work mate came round with a memorium book full of lovely messages.. It was so lovely of them. but it just is soooo sad...
So may need hot choc and early night...
Hope you all had an ok day especially all you workers!!!
Catch up in the morning guys....another day over.....love and kisses kaz xxx

OK dy at work but shattered now - just done shedload of ironing, walked the dogs, made tea............some things never change,
Kaz, what a lovely gesture from Mick's workmates.
Lynne, SLOW DOWN WOMAN! you are wearing me out just reading your posts. bet your garden will look lovely.
Love to all
Sue

Hi Lynne
Your memorial garden sounds a wonderful idea, I think I will do something for Liam in the garden as before the brain tumour took hold Liam had a part time landscaping job. He was always so proud of his garden, everything has to be perfect, even when I had to take over doing the garden when it became too much for Liam it had to be done just so, I couldn't just cut the grass the edges had to be done and everything swept up, it makes me smile thinking about him sat on his chair telling me what to do yet makes the tears swell up too as I know he won't be there to do it anymore.
You also say how you cry most in the car well that was me last year with my mum, I don't know why but it used to happen all the time, I think at the moment I am still in the stage when i cry most times, so much sets me off but as you all tell me that is what I need to do. The girls had a great day in school I think they were glad to get back to a bit of normality. But their smiles and enthusiasm helped me smile too.
By the way both me and my dad have phoned up to get all the equipment taken away I don't know how many times, I even have Liam's OT on the case but she seems to be fobbed off as much as myself. Maybe if I threaten to take ithe stuff to the tip that will get them moving!!
Hope everyone has a good night
Debs x

Hi Eveyone,
Just reading all the post just before i go to bed, i am so busy just now with my dad and work. Gayle i know i am not up in this facebook but what do i have to do to request you all as friends ( i know i am stupid) Weather not too bad here today but think more rain tomorrow where does it all come from. Working tomorrow and Sat but shop not so busy now most of holiday makers away. Well better get off to bed and see if i can sleep.
Take Care
Fiona xxxxxxxxxxx

Hi everyone,

Hi Debs, glad the girls had a good day at school. Kids really do keep you going. It is not as bad now but at first they were the only thing that would have dragged me from my bed in the early weeks. They also make you face situations such as going to the school and seeing everyone and once you have done it once it gets easier. I can't believe they are so slow in getting Liam's equipment picked up - that is awful. Some poor person is probably needing it as well. Laughed at the idea of threatening to dump it. As I said they were quick for Wully's and the only ones I had any issue with were the council who ran the emergency care system that we had. We had a call button to press for a warden if my husband fell. Because they are generally for the elderly I don't know how many talked to me about my "dads" alarm which was pretty annoying. You would think they would read their notes and it made Wully feel worse as he was a big proud man and hated having it anyway.

Hi Fiona,

Just search for me - Gayle Tulloch and then request a friend. I can then click on a button that suggests who else you should for the others.

Not up to much yet at the weekend. Quiet night tonight and the boys have a party tomorrow then they are going to stay at my mum and dads on Saturday and Sunday as the schools are off on Monday here. It gives my mum a break from being through here as at least she has my dad to help her if they stay there. So will need to make a list of chores to do over the weekend to keep me busy. I have a couple of cupboards I need to clean out and some stuff to put on Ebay so will keep me busy.

Take care and hope you all have a good Friday.

Gayle xx
Gayle xx