My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hello everyone, blimey you women can 'arf chat, it took me ages to catch up. After reading all those pages I have forgotten what everyone has been up to. Anyway I hope you are all doing ok. Some of you are doing DIY and getting fitter at the gym and some are just eating chocolate all the time.

I had a really nice time in Devon and the whole time was just bliss.

Having read about benefits on here, I get Widowers Parent Allowance, which is for Widows or Widowers left with children under the age of 18, whose wife/husband was at least 45 - retirement age when they died, and lasts up to the age of 18 or if you start another relationship or get married and it is taxable. The money comes from what would have been their pension and depends on how long they worked and if they paid the full stamp, which in turn equals how much you get.

Catch with you all later.

Kev xx

Hi Kev, welcome back. Glad you had a lovely time xxx

Lynne I did that on a couple of occassions leading up to the funeral. One particular friend who we hadn`t seen for a while just sat sobbing and sobbing. I was passing her the tissues!!! Paul would have laughed!!

Helen xxx

Oh my, I thought it was just me who had to comfort friends who were distraught over Ray's death. Guess we all have much more in common than we think lol. You are right, you find yourself saying things like 'of course you are upset, he was your (friend)(brother)(brother-in-law) etc. How strange and why do we do it??
Today I was out with my mother-in-law and my daughter for lunch. We sat outside and had a light lunch and a good chat. We then set of to do the food shopping and when we came out of the supermarket the heavens had opened. How lucky we were to miss it.
I hope you all sleep well. Love and angel hugs x x patricia x x

Morning all



Sending love and ((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) to you all



Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Evening everyone

Well I`m back at work tomorrow, where have the 6 weeks gone!!!

Had an odd day, been to choose the casket for Paul`s ashes to be buried in and dropped off the children`s jewellery and pill box to put some ashes in. Also had the palliative nurse on the phone following my visit to Stepping stones last week. She couldn`t answer my questions really, wasn`t sure why the G.P on call didn`t recognise that `Paul was dying` - her words which was basically what was happening!! I explained my worry about trying to resusitate him, directed by the ambulance telephonist (I`ve heard that some of you had something in place to stop this happening) but we hadn`t got to that stage. She just assurred me that I did everything I could and Paul knew that. Got to just sort it out in my own head!!! She said it really is time that makes us feel better and it is still very early days!!1

Like I`ve said before we get the best support on here xxxx

Hope everyone is ok today, all been very quiet

Helen xxx

Hi Helen , hope your ok with choosing the casket , its not easy is it ?it all keeps bringing it back doesn't it , but i supose its a step further on . I've had a letter from the hospice asking me to go to a meeting with them , but Gordon never went in the hospice , and when i phoned mac nurse up the day before he went into hospital she said she'd get back to me , she phoned me after Gordon had died so i'm not to impressed with them . I was calling her to ask for help and she said she'd get back to me . thank you ..
I still have a lot of what ifs in my head , what if i'dtook him to the docs the week before when he stopped eating , what if this what if that , but everytime i asked him how he was he always said he was fine , even in the last few days if he woke he would say he was fine , i should have known he would never moan , i should have done more complaining ..
hope your looking forward to work , Sue goes back as well tommorow doesn't she , where are you Sue , your quiet ..

Lynne xxxxx

I think Sue does go back tomorrow. Good luck Sue xxxxx Only a short week!! Then soon be half term xxx

Lynne, Paul didn`t complain much either and I think they were obviously both trying to protect us right up to the end. I`ve been thinking over the last week or two and my mission now is to be `ok` after he had gone as that is what I told him when he was worrying and feeling guilty about leaving us all. I said not to worry about us as we would be ok, just a bit easier said than done but hopefully we`ll get there xxx

Love to all

Helen xxx

Hi Lynn
I have not posted on here before but reading your last post It said so much of what I am thinking at moment. I have so many what if's It is totally cutting me up and the worst thing is I know I will never get answers to the what if's as it is too late. My wonderful partner Liam died on the 15th August and I feel so alone and lost at the moment.
Debs x

Hi Debs , it really is very early days for you and i feel for yoy so much , its not an easy place to be and there is no easy way to get through it . I've had some tremendous support of the ladies anf gent on this thread and if you keep posting you will get help too .Your not alone , we are all suffering the same loss and asking ourselves the same un answered questions , i dont think we'll ever get the answers we want , maybe there in our head the answers . Helen i think Paul and Gordon are up in heaven together they sound so similar .Amazing men we all had .
Debs a big hug ((((hug )))

Lynne xxxxx