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Bereaved spouses and partners - Discussion Forum My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

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My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

FormerMember over 16 years ago

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My husband - Chris - died on the 2nd May 2009 because he had anal cancer. He knew he was going and we spoke about lots and lots of things before he died. That is why I am just not prepared for the huge amount of guilt I feel now. I feel guilty that the world hasn't stopped turning round even though he has died. I feel like everything should stop as a mark of respect. I also feel very guilty that he had to be so ill he had to die. What a cruel cruel thing it is to make someone so ill their body just stops working. I wasn't ready for him to go. I really really hope these are normal feelings because I must hang on to my sanity for the sake of my 3 children. I have never known sadness like I feel right now. I can't believe that I will not hear his voice or feel his touch again. We were married for almost 32 years and I have known Chris for 34 years - since I was 16. What happens now? Ailsa

FormerMember over 15 years ago

hi everyone. hope you all had a better day than the weather has been. I have been filling my day with two grandsons. They have just gone to sleep about half hour ago. Not fair really but I kept them up playing for just a little longer so I would have less time on my own. Its funny Fiona but we play a game in the car called spot the mini-we keep running totals of how many we spot in a week. Its great fun to do, especially with lots of cheating going on. You get double points for minis with stripes on them. Hope you enjoy yours.
Sorry you had such a bad day Gayle. Hope tomorrow is better.
Lynne, bet you are so pleased that you at last know the story behind the missing pup. Just worried that you may be starting a menagerie in your bedroom..there may not be room for you soon?? lol
I have a tax form to fill in from Inland Revenue. Just looked at it again ...and put it away again. Is anyone else fed up with paperwork? Will do it tomorrow...pick it up and put it down again, that is.
well, off to bed to watch the telly and hopefully nod off....goodnight ladies, sleep well and take care. x

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Lynne glad you found out where the dog had gone. Gayle sorry you had such an insensitive colleague today. Coral I have got past the form filling stage but it drove me crazy. It seems to be an endless stream of for one thing or another and phone calls here there and everywhere.
Well i hope Tuesday brings better things for you all. Love and angel hugs x x Patricia x x

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Morning All

Had a good afternoon at the music festival and the sun stayed out all afternoon , and i was still buzzing from finding the lille dog , yes Coral it is getting a bit crowded in the basket so i might put him in my car now , i cant believe one little thing got me so upset , but my mind was working overtime all the time , at least i know now what happened , and hopefully they wont do it again . I was actually a bit naughty whilst i was talking to the 3 girls it was becoming more apparant that they had got something to do with it , so whilst i was talking i took the photo of the one with things in her hand , so she knows if she does it again i have got her photo . Probably not the done thing to do but i cant see her going complaining to her parents as she will have to tell them why i took her photo . Anyway enough of that now , hope your feeling better today Gayle , yes i'm deading the new year just as much as christmas , if it wasn't for the kids i would book my self a seat on a plain to deepest darkest africa and come cack when its all over . Helen i hope you enjoyed your music festival and the sun stayed out for you too .Trisha yes i hate all the form filling too , i've got a cure called my daughter , i dont know what i would do without her , she has done everything , the tax form was the last one she did too , i dont know they give you a pittance of a widows pension and then take some back . Am i right in thinking the widows pension is only for one year ? .

Hi Sue Dotte , kaz is Kevand Ailsa back today ? the'll have about 30 pages to catch up on .

Oh well i'll get ready for work speak later , have a good day everyone ..

Lynne xxxxx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Morning Everyone,
Well dry here at the moment but don't think it's going to be long before it rains, just going to see my dad before i go to work and leave him some lunch. Just phoned dentist's this morning to see about getting filling sorted and guess what she said there was nothing till Oct so left my phone number incase of a cancellation i do hope so as it's my front tooth and don't want to have to go about with a broken front tooth. Everything is a hassle now to get seen. I also dread New Year as we always brought it in on our own since kids left as Derek had been up working since 4 in the morning so never felt like doing anything, we were never ones for celebrating New Year so i will probably just go to bed. The forms are a pain and especially when i didn't do any of them before, yes the widows pension just for a year, i also just filled in a tax form they are taking 20% off Derek's pension i got they have you every way. Well better get a move on as will be running at the last hope you all have a good day speak soon.
Take Care
Fiona xxxxxxxxxxx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Good morning team! Hope you all had a lovely weekend. I did not stop. I have such lovely friends have been out all weekend. Yesterday at birthday party / bbq glass of wine great company and my mate gave me a pedicure... wow! It makes you realise just how lucky we are to have friends.....
Anyway back to the white feathers..get ready for goosebumps.
As you all know the top of the garden is now "Micks garden" His best friend bought a lovely fountain and I had just got it working and was sitting on Micks bench (Talking to his best friend on the phone) and saying how much Mick would have loved it.
and Micks REALLY FAVOURITE aeroplane a Lancaster Bomber flew from behind me really low right over the top of the garden!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well I nearly passed out and his poor mate at the end of the telephone nearly crashed his car with shock.........How spooooky is that one xxxx
kaz xxx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Kaz-I'm right with you there!
Alan loved the red arrows; they fly over here from time to time as the lead pilot, Jason, is from the town. They've flown over three times since Alan died; on his birthday, our wedding anniversary and my birthday!

sue x

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Lynne, bereavemnet benefit or pension is indeed for 12 months only but it was so totally unexpected as I knew nothing about it. Helen, any pension from the workplace is taxed at 20% as it was not taxed at source and the government will take their cut no-matter what. My husband paid into a works pension and that gets taxed from my own earnings just so that I have paid any taxes due. I am not sure but I think the bereavement benefit is also taxable. I am not very tax aware I am afraid. I have always just looked at my pay slip and know roughly what I should have each month so unless therea re any major discrepancies then I don't scrutenise iot too much. It became so confusing at one stage because I had no idea what, how much and from where any of the money was coming from. I have just about got a handle on it although there was a weird payment this month that I am expecting them to demand back. Soo confusing and at such an emotional time very difficult to deal with. Thank goodness for my kids who have been brilliant.
I love the story about the aeroplanes sue and kaz.
Helen sorry you can't get in to the dentist. can you not get an emergency appointment somewhere?
Lynne the existence of the photo may make the girl think twicw about doins such a thing again.
Hope everyone is ok this evening. Might catch you all later x x Patricia x x

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Evening everyone

Had a great day yesterday, good music and good company. Felt a bit delicate earlier but coming round now!! Glad you enjoyed your day too Lynne xxx Also pleased your mind is a bit more at rest over the missing dogs

If you`ve got children you get the bereavement allowance for the time you get child benefit. My tax code changed and I pay extra tax from my wages. They changed it in last month`s wages.

Have a good night everyone

Helen xxx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Evening everyone , hope nobody has driffted away in all this rain, you know this rain has come because i am trying to do mylittle garden , dam the rain . Thanks for info everybody on the W/P i thought it was just for the year , i think id better stop spending for a while . I;ve tried to look at your photos on F/B Helen but my internet keeps crashing so only looked at a few, i'll keep going back , your bar looked like our did .. I didn't spend anything , i even got my son to pick me up after , but i wanted to go to the cemetery so he took me there on the way home , id got all weepy but i think it was too much lager , oh well i enjoyed drinking it .. Kaz a definate goose bump moment , how nice for you xx
Hope everybody is ok .

Lynne xxxx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Lynne I was a bit weepy last night too, mine down to too many ciders!! We played some music that Paul loved when we went back to friend`s house and that set me off!! She also told daughter how proud Paul was of her and she just had to pass on some of his words, she had a few tears too!. He chatted to this friend a lot in the last couple of weeks, she also said she had a few things she wants to pass on to me that he said but will save that for when we are both a bit more sobre. I couldn`t have taken it last night.

Kaz that was definitely a goose bump moment!!

Love Helen xx

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