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My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

FormerMember
FormerMember
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My husband - Chris - died on the 2nd May 2009 because he had anal cancer. He knew he was going and we spoke about lots and lots of things before he died. That is why I am just not prepared for the huge amount of guilt I feel now. I feel guilty that the world hasn't stopped turning round even though he has died. I feel like everything should stop as a mark of respect. I also feel very guilty that he had to be so ill he had to die. What a cruel cruel thing it is to make someone so ill their body just stops working. I wasn't ready for him to go. I really really hope these are normal feelings because I must hang on to my sanity for the sake of my 3 children. I have never known sadness like I feel right now. I can't believe that I will not hear his voice or feel his touch again. We were married for almost 32 years and I have known Chris for 34 years - since I was 16. What happens now? Ailsa

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    My Gordon fought for 6 long days when the doc had given hin hours , but he wasn't himself , he was in and out of conciousness but we didn't really have a conversation for the last 5 days . I probably had about 8 hours sleep in that 5 days , it was the hardest days ever but i would do it all again to be with him but i wouldn't want him to go through the pain again . He was confused when he went into hospital so we didn't really get to say the things i imagened us saying to each other , but i knew how much he loved me and he knew the same . When he went in i honestly thought he was coming out in a few days , and he did too .
    Going now ..
    Night night..

    Lynne xxxxxxxxxxxx
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    Hi Everyone,
    Just reading all the post, Derek also went from doing ok to going down hill so quick, and i also wish i had more time to say things to him he went into the hospice on the Wed as his calcium was very high and he was still with us on the Thurs i stayed with him on the Thurs night ( thank god) as by the Fri he was not with us and i was told two to three days he died that night i was just not prepared at all, the only think i am thankful for he just slept away as i had watched my mum dying just months before and it was horrendous. Kim been in tonight helping me get started on facebook i am not really good on computer but learning. I am so glad i found this site as i know we are all going through the same and it helps being able to say how i feel, i have a lot of good friends but they don't really know how i feel. Well will get off to bed as got my dad to see to before work.
    Take Care
    Fiona xxxxxxxx
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    We`ve all got a lot off our chests this evening. Still haven`t got the answers but think it helps. Thankyou everyone for being here

    Sleep well everyone

    Night, Helen xxx
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    I would also like to say thanks to everyone for being there for me.
    Night Night
    Fiona xx
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi everyone. Just been reading the posts. If I went for counselling my questions would be the same as the others. Chris went very quickly as well. The Mac nurse predicted 2 to 3 weeks and he died in 5 days. She spent the day he died getting everything ready so that I could call for help and someone to put a syringe driver into Chris if he needed it. The plan was ring the district nurse during the day or rapid response during the night. I hadn't to ring for an ambulance if I could possibly help it as they would take him to hospital and he didn't want to go there. I ended up with a carrier bag of drugs for the syringe driver and all the paperwork signed by the GP etc. He never used any of it. He had coffee an hour before he died. He watched 'the wrong star wars film' that evening - but that is another story!! I cuddled him and told him I loved him as he died. We told each other we loved each other a lot so I have no regrets there. Just one great big regret really and that can't be fixed.

    If you have managed to get set up on facebook Fiona you will have to request me as a friend then we might be able to see pictures of each others family coz families are brill. I'm getting tired now and I need to be at work by 7am tomorrow so I am going to go to bed. Take care everyone. I hope we have a good one tomorrow. Ailsa xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    No-one can ever tell you with complete certainty how long someone has left to live. Sometimes it seems as thought a person will 'go' very quickly and they keep going for days or even weeks. Then on the other hand it can seem as thought there is time left to do other things and a person's situation changes and they rapidly decline (as happened with Ray and all your loved ones by the sounds of things). The thing we have to remember is that we have no control over this and therefore should not live with regret. Regret does not change anything but only makes us more unhappy. I know that Ray would be sad if he thought I was torturing myself with regret but it is hard not to do so.
    Anyway, now that my pearls of wisdom (or not) have been cast, I will wish you all a happy and restful night. Love and angel hugs x x Patricia x x
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    Hi everyone,

    maybe I have been quiet on here recently, I do read all the posts and just say things now and then not too much which is unlike me, can't really explain it. Just before Di died I had to phone the district nurse (2am) to come and give her that bloody fatal injection in her leg and by 3.50 am she was dead, so I made the phone call and I was responsible for the last part of her life, she didn't know about that injection and we hadn't spoken about it and I have to live with it and plays on my mind all the time. When I phoned the Dr. to tell him of Di's death he said I can't come out unless you are sure so put the phone down and make sure she is, so I put my ear on her chest and listened to her heart and to my surprise it was still beating, well I kept my ear there and about four very slow beats later it stopped, when I look back at that time I was so angry with that Dr. making me do that and then phoning him back and saying ok she is dead now can you come out now!!!! So again everyone sorry for the rant and like what you have said thanks for being there, I have made really good friends with you all on here THANKS.

    Kev xx
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    Morning all ,
    How moving the last few posts are , it seems most of us belived things would be different at the end , but one thing i do know and i'm talking to myself here so listen Lynne , we all did our best and what we felt was right , if we'd had a choice are loved ones would be here now with us pain free and healthy . I'll keep this short but i feel very privaliged to have shared those last mins, hours and days which we all went through , i hope we all get some comfort from sharing them again . I know we would have wrote them before but this seemed much more helpfull , actually going through it with a great bunch of friends who has experienced the same thing and listening to there experiences ..
    Thanks to you all , speak later ..

    Lynne xxxxxxxxxxx
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    Morning all



    I've just read all your posts of last night............you put into words the time I dread. Having been to the brink once before I don't want to be there again - but know that it's a distinct possibility.............My hubby survives - but I feel at times it's like living with a time bomb that has a faulty clock. Not knowing ...........a dreadful thought.................So we are now living as full a life as possible and making the most of our time together in the hope of good memories to keep keep us going whenever the bad times hit again.............



    I do not and cannot know how difficult your lives are right now without your loved ones by your sides - so I'm sending you all love and lots of comforting (((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))......



    Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    morning,all
    Dot -((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))) for you Ignore the time bomb and live your lives together, caring for each other and tending the rose bush.
    Love to all you ladies and our Kev.
    sue x
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