My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hi Ailsa, glad you feel better. Yeah I work part time to look after my son. You have had a bad time and please be careful. I read your profile as well, and it seems to me that everyone's profile are very similar in so much as, they can't find anything wrong or they misdiagnose. If I put as much detail in my profile reading between the lines they would be the same. Up and down the hospital, staying in hospital every time Di had chemo, don't worry about that side effect it's all part of the chemo, you need a urgent scan and three weeks later no sign of the scan and when you phone they say what scan? So yes they are the same but different.

Anyway you have a nice birthday on Saturday, and if you can try and think what Chris would say to you on your birthday, because he would want you to be happy I'm sure.

Take care

kev x

Hi Ailsa and Kev

Nice to meet you Kev, sorry it is in these circumstances though xxx

Well I went to collect Paul`s ashes yesterday, had been into undertakers on Monday to arrange it and I was fine. Walked in the door yesterday and turned into a gibbering wreck!!! What`s that all about! Found it so hard bringing his ashes home?? The children really want them home before they get buried/scattered so glad I`ve done it but didn`t expect it to be so hard.Paul is now back in our bedroom for the time being anyway xxx Need to look for cremation jewellery/containers now as son and daughter want a few ashes to keep.

Got persuaded to go to bingo with an old friend last night, nearly changed my mind at the last minute but I went and had a good night. Even won!!! Maybe Paul was wishing me luck xxx Well he would have been laughing at me at bingo anyway!!!

Think I am a bit like Ailsa, busy busy. Need something arranged and work is definitley keeping me busy. I`m exhausted most nights.

Ailsa have a lovely birthday, I did in the end a couple of weeks ago. Was dreading it but everyone spoilt me rotten, probably more so than usual!!! I did have a few tears reading cards this year, the words jumped out so much more but Paul (and Chris in your case) would have wanted us to have a good birthday xxx

Bye for now

Helen xxx

Hello Helen, nice to meet you too, Hi Ailsa.

Helen when I got Di's ashes my son was with me and I couldn't wait to get home with them, as we got near the car a neighbour saw us and said "what you got in there?" with which my son replied "oh just been shopping". That was quick thinking for a 10 year old I thought to myself. I'm glad I scattered Di's ashes in Cornwall, only problem is it's 400 miles away from where I live but I don't mind as I would travel the world for her. I had Di's ashes for about 2 weeks at home before we went to Cornwall, there was 19 of us who went which was strange because thats how old she was when we met. In May 09 we had a service at our local church for all the people who had died from cancer in the first 3 months of 2009 (369 in this area alone!) this was organized by the hospice, when we got to the church it was packed and we had to sit near the back and the number on the row of seats was 45 and that was how old Di was when she died, weird eh!!

Hope all goes to plan for you Helen. Ailsa hope you are slowing down a little in fact I think you both need to slow down a little and I need to speed up a lot, so if you could both pass some of that energy on to me I would be grateful.

Take care and keep your chin up I mean chins up....

Kev xx

Evening all

I know Ailsa, Bingo!?! ha ha. Don`t worry it isn`t going to be my main social life!!! I am also going to the hairdressers in the morning. Daughter has cooked on the bbq for us this evening and Paul`s mum and dad popped round.

I am going to our local with friends tomorrow, haven`t been in there much since Paul has been ill. We used to go in most weekends.

I`m having a couple of Tia Maria and cokes tonight, cheers everyone!!!

Bye for now

Helen xxx

aries62

I have just read your profile and want to send you my sympathy. My wife died of breast cancer too after it spread to her liver this year. How awful that your mum died of cancer too.

I wated to ask you about how your son is now. My youngest son is 10 as well (another one of your coincidences) he seems to be taking it remarkably well. In fact he is the one comforting me. He showed me a picture of his Mum the other day. He was taking it in to school to do a project called My Family. I thought doing that would upset him but he is treating it very all matter of fact. The picture he had printed off the computer was from our wedding. He saw my eyes fill with tears and just sat on the sofa and gave me a big hug. I wanted to ask you if your son coped this well or is there apoint I can expect him to break down. I'm sure eveyone is different but I feel guilty that I am not being as supportive to me kids as should be. I would be there for them if needed but they just seem to be getting on with it.

On the subject of conincidences Jane would have had her own take on them. She was very interested in human evolution and was planning to write a book on the evolution of childbirth. She was a midwife. Her thoughts on coincidences was that the human brain has evolved over hundreds of thousands of years, while we were hunter-gatherers, to spot patterns. Those people that had brains that were good at spotting patterns were more successful at finding food and keeping away from predators and so had more offspring. So the genes for pattern spotting got passed on. Now, even though we don't have to find food etc..our brains still seek patterns in everything, like when you see faces in clouds. Patterns in dates or events are just the same, we see them and interpet them as having meaning. I don't mean to sound like I am trying to take away any significance you put on certain events but just to say how Jane would have seen things. She was completely pragmatic and scientific in her view of the world. That was how she was able to live her final years to the full knowing that this was her one chance of enjoying what life she had left and the limited time she had with her family.

Hi Marrsy_2000 and everyone else, thanks for your reply. My son is coming up to 12 now and he has dealt with this a bit too well maybe, sometimes I have to ask him if he misses his mum and of course he says yes, just his way of coping I guess. He doesn't really ask about her which gets to me, because I think about her every second of the day.

Sorry about your wife, there seems to be far too much of this disease around for my liking. As for patterns I see another one here and that is how do you keep up with who we have spoken to and remembering where they are on this site, is there a special place we can put them? Hope to speak again and take care

Dear kev
the easiest way to keep tabs on your posts is to go to the bottom of the page and click on 'Add to favourite discussions', Then you can access them by going to the left side of the page, click on 'my discussions', and then click on 'favourite discussions' and voila!! there they wil be
Sue x

Hi Sue, thanks for that I was running out of paper. How have you been (silly question) but we have to keep an eye on each other don't we. Kev x

you're absolutely right, kev - and that's really what this site is all about; looking out for each other, and genuinely caring about how people are feeling, and trying to share experiences which in some small way might help someone else. we've all been touched by the big c in one way or another, and are all at different stages of our journeys; sometimes the realisation that we are not alone in our thoughts and despair helps us carry on.I know that I would have found the last few months much more difficult , if not impossible, without the support of this site, and friends that I have made here.
Sue x