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My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

FormerMember over 16 years ago

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My husband - Chris - died on the 2nd May 2009 because he had anal cancer. He knew he was going and we spoke about lots and lots of things before he died. That is why I am just not prepared for the huge amount of guilt I feel now. I feel guilty that the world hasn't stopped turning round even though he has died. I feel like everything should stop as a mark of respect. I also feel very guilty that he had to be so ill he had to die. What a cruel cruel thing it is to make someone so ill their body just stops working. I wasn't ready for him to go. I really really hope these are normal feelings because I must hang on to my sanity for the sake of my 3 children. I have never known sadness like I feel right now. I can't believe that I will not hear his voice or feel his touch again. We were married for almost 32 years and I have known Chris for 34 years - since I was 16. What happens now? Ailsa

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Morning all , hope your feeling a bit better today Fiona , ican have a few "ok " days and then suddenly nose dive , i uunderstand what people mean about the roller coaster now .I'm already bulding up to tommorow (Gordons Birthday ) I was up late making a heart shaped wreath for the grave (my 1st attempt at being creative ) but that seems to be my therapy , just feel like i'm doing something for him . I'm sur Sue and Ailsa and a few others could give me a few tips on creativity . When its finished i'll post a pic (if i can ) I've also bought a birthday card and pit it in a frame , i tried writing in it but my hands went to jelly and you cant read what i've put anyway .

My sons are away this weekend (stag do ) so my daughters in laws informed me they are coming to stay on sat like the boys did last weekend . I will be pleased of the distraction . 1 of my step daughters is coming to stay too .I just feel sorry for her sister ikn Afghan , we have each other for support but she will have no one , i hope her commrades are there for her .
Have a good day everybody , speak later

Lynne xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Morning All,
Well i am up face another day, slept a bit better but i did give in and take a diazapam so may be that helped. I am ready for work so hope i am kept busy. Weather not much better today at least not raining (just now). Well done to you Lynne making your wreath for grave i should learn to do it myself i am lazy and just buy flowers to put on. I have nothing planned for weekend but working Sat so just Sun to get through.Hope you all have a nice day and speak later.

Take Care
Fiona xxxxxxxxxxx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Dear Fiona
glad you slept a bit better.
I don't think it's 'giving in' to take diazepam - i think it's extremely sensible, if it helps you to sleep.
We need all the help we can get!!!
Hope your day goes OK
Sue x

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Morning everyone xx

Lynne the wreath sounds lovely.

Fiona glad you slept better even if it was with `help` it doesn`t matter!!xx We need sleep.

3rd wasn`t bad Ailsa, or were there only 3 teams in it hee hee!!

Well I`m going to a wedding party tonight, they got married in Italy last week. They are close friends of Paul, especially the Bride who used to be the landlady of our local and used to meet Paul for`Monday club` during his last few months. They would go for a few drinks on a Monday afternoon (well,usually orange juice for Paul in the last weeks) and I would join them after work. He used to really look forward to these even though he found it difficult he would make the effort and go out at least once a week.She was one of the few friends who wasn`t scared/uncomfortable to keep in touch. Well after our break to center parcs just 10 days before he died Paul felt their wedding might have to be the next `goalpost` to get to. Unfortunately it was too far away. So Ive got mixed feelings about tonight, son and daughter are going too and our friends wants to play one song in Paul`s memory. I`m crying already!! Not sure how I`ll be tonight???

Helen xxx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

dear Helen
You'll be fine; as you say, friends who were there through the bad times, when it really matttered, are firends that you really want to be with now. amd you'll feel comfortable with them as you remember Paul and all the good times. Those same friends will support you now.
sue x

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Thanks Sue xxxxx

You`re right, they are a lovely, lovely couple and I have seen them a few times since Paul died. Just off to choose them a wedding present.

Speak later

Helen xxx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hi Guys
Hope all ok..Does this paperwork ever finish... The wreath sounds lovely Lynne.. I just think your all so brave.. I have Micks ashes with me here and just cant even think what to do with them......
Sue have you heard anything about your kitten yet??
kaz xx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

/hi, Kaz
no, the paperwork never ends!
Charlie has had his x rays and the results should be through soon. Thank goodness for pet insurance!
Sue x

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hi Everyone,

Helen - hope the wedding goes okay. I can understand your apprehension - I don't think I could face a wedding at the moment so you are being very brave.

Sue - hope the kitten is okay.

Lynne - will be thinking of you tomorrow.

Hugs to everyone else.

Well I am off to finish my housework as I have another 2 viewers after dinner then lie on the couch and watch a movie. Then an early night tonight as I am shattered. It is Jamie's birthday party tomorrow and then he starts football lessons on Sunday so another busy weekend to keep the thoughts at bay. Glad this week is over as still feeling pretty down. Have to keep talking to all the mums at the school and luckily no-one has mentioned it at Jamie's school but a couple of people did at Ewan's playgroup today. One said is it weird without Wully being there? What a stupid question although I know the person's heart is in the right place. Just a bit touchy this week probably.

Hope you all have an okay Friday will be thinking of you all.

Gayle xxx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hi Gayle

Hopefully next week will be easier xxx

I`m beginning to wonder if I should be doing weddings yet??? Feel a bit tearful today, not sure if it`s just a down day or because of tonight. Worrying how much I`ll blubber when they play a song in Paul`s memory too??? I`m also looking forward to it thoughxxx

On a plus side I`ve got Natalie`s pendant to put her dad`s ashes in(thanks Sue, think it was you who gave me that link, they`re great and the pendant is lovely) and also managed to find the silver box Liam wanted. It`s such a small world, went into a tobacconist to ask about `snuff` boxes and that`s where his friends mum had bought his last year when his dad died. He`s really pleased with it, so just need to hear from undertaker and we can finally sort it all out and bury Paul`s ashes xxx

Helen xxx

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