My husband - Chris - died on the 2nd May 2009 because he had anal cancer. He knew he was going and we spoke about lots and lots of things before he died. That is why I am just not prepared for the huge amount of guilt I feel now. I feel guilty that the world hasn't stopped turning round even though he has died. I feel like everything should stop as a mark of respect. I also feel very guilty that he had to be so ill he had to die. What a cruel cruel thing it is to make someone so ill their body just stops working. I wasn't ready for him to go. I really really hope these are normal feelings because I must hang on to my sanity for the sake of my 3 children. I have never known sadness like I feel right now. I can't believe that I will not hear his voice or feel his touch again. We were married for almost 32 years and I have known Chris for 34 years - since I was 16. What happens now? Ailsa
Dear gayle
This has been a week of massive events for you and your little one - it would probably have been very emotional without Wully's death, so that has compounded things. sending your first little one off to school, especially on his birthday, is a very highly-charged thing to do at the best of times, and as we all know, this is not the best of times!
I have on many, many occasions in my job been the one to mop up the tears shed by mummies when they leave their trusting little ones in my care, and it's always worse for mums than it is for the children!
Hang on in there - you are obviously a fab mum, and your boys are gorgeous. You are doing SO well, Gayle.
Keep on postng - we'll be here.
sue x
Hi Everyone,
