Bereavement Q&A – practical solutions to common problems

Why is it that some areas have more support from Macmillan Nurses than others. Plus how long do they support you after the loss of a loved one.

My mother passed away in November. After her funeral I had to take 2 weeks off work 'sick'. I was then given a graded return but now I'm being expected to do a full normal working day. I'm still struggling to concentrate or feel motivated but I don't want be off sick again. Do you have any helpful hints or advice regarding returning to work. (Incidentally I work in a busy large hospital outpatient department).

As a Nurse I would ensure that you have the support of your Manager first and foremost. Its not easy anytime to return to work.

As a Manager myself I lost my husband and I am only working 1 day a week. You will find yourself around people who are suffering with Cancer working in a busy department. Try and keep yourself with the close staff members ensuring they understand if you need that moment. Its not easy at all trust me. I supported my staff in crisis and sometimes they didnt want to come to work and then if I sent them home they didnt want to. Its finding the blalance what is right for you. I am so sorry about your loss bless you.

Working in the care sector flower you are human... be proud of that and I am sure your Mam is with you.

xxxx

Just leaving a question as I might not be here on the date given....

How do I start to move forward with my life?

I have lost total confidence in myself, I'm terrified of most things that I could handle well before I lost my husband last November. I have very little motivation to do anything....mainly because I'm scared of whatever.

I think I might benefit from some bereavement counselling from my local hospice, but have no way of getting there. I had counselling from the hospice during my husbands illness and came to trust the lady who helped me.  And it takes a huge effort to leave my home, so it all looks so bleak. I don't think I'm depressed just very sad and lonely. I gave up my job to care for my husband and at 61 years of age there is no way back to the job I did even if I could motivate myself.  

So much has/is changing in my life, ( I have to leave my home and move in with my daughter in a few months ) it all seems too much. I have to start somewhere, just don't know where to start to try and get some sort of life again.

Thank you.

How do I cope with the fear of the future alone. We used to go out in couples    How do I cope when they are going out and I can't join them. Going out for meals together. 

Hello everyone. 

 Just reading threw some of your comments I feel the same Way. My husband is gone close to 5 yrs which is a pretty long time.  I still getflashbacks.

Theloneliness is still hard to deal with.Does any one else feel this way even after a period of time. 

How do you cope when everyone else is moving on? I know I should try harder, but it seems disloyal somehow. I don't want to move on without Mum. If it wasn't for the fact that I still have my Dad, I'd join her.

It's been 11 days since my dad passed, I'm terrified of facing the funeral on the 28th i suffer with depression i have for over 10 years how can i focuss to support my mom on the day when i know i'm going to fall to pieces? And also do you have any tips how i can when my mom comes home support her and make sure she is eating properly as i know with only herself to cook for she wont. 

Thank you so much to everyone who has posted questions so far. Erin and Kirsten will be online tomorrow (Thursday) between 12 and 1pm.

If you have any more advance questions then please leave them in the comments below. 

Hi there,

My Dad died of brain cancer in February 2014, I have two questions (sorry the first is a bit long winded!):

1) I feel as though I still haven't properly grieved for Dad. I didn't really cry as much as I expected, it was never the last thing I thought of at night and the first thing in the morning, I didn't really feel the absence the way I thought I would. These expected feelings do seem to come now and then but they seem to disappear almost immediately. I did go to see a counselor for a few months following his death and it helped make me realize that my grieving was 'normal'. But we are now approaching the anniversary of his death and I haven't felt the big wave of emotion I've been expecting. I know I'm not purposefully avoiding it however, I was wondering if I should be worried that I'm not dealing with my grief? I do worry as I loved Dad a lot and he was a huge part of my life. It doesn't seem right that I haven't really cried as I have cried more over smaller losses in the past :-(

2) Also do you have any advice on coping with the first anniversary of a death and offering support to other family members?

Thank you very much!