Why do I grieve, not for the past, because that was already past
I grieve for what we may have had together in the future
I grieve with racking sobs and immeasurable pain for the loss of him
I grieve because I know that this is not for today for it will last
beyond tomorrow, next week, next month and next year.
The overwhelming need to be with him, if only for a brief minute
frightens me, yet comforts me through my tears, because it means
That I have experienced the depth of love I did not believe existed
And for that I should remember to be grateful, but it still seems
As though there is no tomorrow for me any more, just today
To push myself through, for the sake of others and in memory of him
Not to sound self-pitying or boring others with my pain, so I paint on my face
And I face the world, but inside I feel nothing but emptiness and grief,
and with that word again, I grieve, and I scream to the sky, I want him back
The world is silent, the world we knew is no more, and I feel cast away
on a sea of loneliness, where there is no laughter, nor even fights, just silence
The silence made of grieving and loss.
Whilst others quite rightly gather back their lives and hold their loved ones even closer
I want him home, I want him back, I want to be with him
But in his name and for his memory’s sake I must go on, into a future alone
No one can help me, not family nor friends, for this is one battle I must face
To waken each day, look at the same spot on the ceiling and get on with trying to live
Without him.
The most true poem 
thank you Diamondsgirl 
It is the most amazing poem isn't it? I keep bumping it up because I think it speaks to us bereavers Diamondsgirl did a good job there
Hi AliG55 been missing you on the forum here's a hug for you I realise it's coming up a year since you lost Mark.
Did the St Johns Wort do anything for you?
xx
2020 has been a pure barsteward!!! You've had a lot of crap this year AliG55 
there would seem to be little groups that emerge in clusters of dates and events etc and I for 1 miss the regulars of the 'day' so to speak. I hope you will be ok this weekend Ali remember the good times with love xxx
