Hi everyone,
Just on to ask if there are any of you out there who find there is a season in the year you especially miss your partner/spouse. For me its going into the autumn/winter months like now. Although Jay passed in the summer (June) its like now I start to miss him and I have noticed this coming in a pattern in the last 2 years since the 3 years he has been gone. It just feels that my energy levels just drop and my emotions begin to become all over the place and I don't know how or what to feel. I used to love the autumn/winter because it was the time Jay and I would cosy up in our PJ's and watch rubbish TV and eat anything and everything as you do during these months the days now seem so short and the nights so long because that's just the nature of the season I suppose but I never really noticed it before but have been over the last couple of years. I think it is because it is nearing the end of another year when you sit and take stock what you've done over that year and that you actually made it to the end of another year without them. My oldest granddaughter just had her birthday 2 weeks ago and she is 6 years old now and her little sister is 1 year old in two weeks time and it hurts sometimes to know Jay is not here to see them progressing through life. One of my neighbours has just moved too and this makes me sad too when you see people moving on that you've got to know. He and his family just moved here before Jay got his cancer diagnosis and being a plumber he did some minor repair jobs for us around the house as well as helping out some of my other neighbours. It was older kids he had and they moved out so I think it was just him and his wife there and they've decided to move so with them moving it feels as though another little part of Jay has gone too as he was here at the beginning when they were. You just feel `stuck` at times when you see this. Financially it is not logical for me to move house I am mortgage free so if I were to sell I would need to pay rent which is sometimes just as much as a mortgage now because at my age it would be impossible for me to get another mortgage. I think it is the fear of the unknown and this is highlighted more now with me being on my own what neighbours you'll get beside you etc. So much in the news and media now of certain types which are coming into the country and what you see can be scary. Am just waffling today because its how I feel and just wanted to come here and get it all out. Take Care. Everyone.
Vicky x
