Most alone in a crowded room

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I was just wondering what other people's experience was of being in company after losing a partner. I read so often that its important to have community around and to keep interacting with the outside world but being in a crowd of people at work - some of whom know I just lost my husband, others who don't and some who know but don't want to reveal their knowledge of it, I find incredibly demanding and tiring. The sympathetic looks I know come from a good place but they just make me feel more alone. I had to leave big work gatherings early last week and am thinking of swerving imminent company events as not only do I feel self conscious and vulnerable but I also stress about being away from our children (in their late teens) - especially as travel is involved. It's such a paradox that we are encouraged to have 'community' around us but for so many out of necessity that will mean work and, at least in my case, it makes me feel worse not better - especially as I'm relatively new to the company. Would be really grateful to hear of any others experiences and coping strategies. With thanks in advance 

Just to add, we were/are both total introverts and what used to sustain me through these 'socials/teambuildings' was the knowledge that I could return home afterwards to my warm, generous, kind, funny beloved husband to talk through all of the trickier moments and social faux pas and to laugh it off...