I was just wondering what other people's experience was of being in company after losing a partner. I read so often that its important to have community around and to keep interacting with the outside world but being in a crowd of people at work - some of whom know I just lost my husband, others who don't and some who know but don't want to reveal their knowledge of it, I find incredibly demanding and tiring. The sympathetic looks I know come from a good place but they just make me feel more alone. I had to leave big work gatherings early last week and am thinking of swerving imminent company events as not only do I feel self conscious and vulnerable but I also stress about being away from our children (in their late teens) - especially as travel is involved. It's such a paradox that we are encouraged to have 'community' around us but for so many out of necessity that will mean work and, at least in my case, it makes me feel worse not better - especially as I'm relatively new to the company. Would be really grateful to hear of any others experiences and coping strategies. With thanks in advance
Just to add, we were/are both total introverts and what used to sustain me through these 'socials/teambuildings' was the knowledge that I could return home afterwards to my warm, generous, kind, funny beloved husband to talk through all of the trickier moments and social faux pas and to laugh it off...
Hi Joanna, I think it is important to do the right thing for you. It is exhausting wearing ‘The Mask for social occasions, and I couldn’t be bothered. I went through a stage of barely seeing anyone socially, for about a year. I needed to allow myself time to just be myself, without any pretence. My priorities were our adult children,(who are still at home), and our border collie. I went through a stage of feeling frightened about, ‘If something happens to me, how will they survive ?’ mode. I still feel that to a degree, although I am still training them for the savagery of life.
I am also quite shy at times, and don’t like a lot of attention. My Paul loved socialising, and would be out and about most days. We met half-way, and it worked. I meet occasionally with a new friend I made at our Bereavement Group. We are both totally honest with each other, and this has been really helpful. One to one might be easier, rather than the large groups of ‘Pity Stares’. Sending hugs, Kate.xxx
Hello Joanna
Well this looks like the `introverts page` because I am one too
. I have always been quite happy in my own company even growing up I didn't have a lot of friends. Jay was very private too and not much of a social bunny either, He just liked it if the two of us went out together he was never one for big gatherings etc but would go to something if he thought his presence was needed. I still go through this not really wanting to go to any social event on my own but I don't seem to get a lot of invites to social events anyway but I'm ok with that. The invites would come when Jay was here but I noticed that when one part of the couple is no longer there these things become very few and far between. The last time I felt it was at my son's wedding about 18 months ago when his dad wasn't there and everyone seemed to be coupled up I just felt like a spare part even though I was one of the key members of the bridal party so I just stay by myself and just do my own thing these days. The silence can be deafening some days but I have got used to it.
