Father's day

I tried cruse counselling but i don't think they wanted to listen to all the things I was dealing with really.  

Maybe i will try someone else down the line.  

I think our actions do match the depth of our love.  So you absolutely loved your hubby deeply.  You will have done everything you could for him.  He would be very proud of you.

Sending love to you  A

Hi nicangel

Life is so so cruel at times and I would take some comfort that your Nick is with your little ones.

I struggled with Father's day having lost my Roger last September very suddenly and my own lovely Dad 4 years in November. They both shared the same birthday coming up at the end of July. It was my  birthday last week. It is all the first of everything, although for me I cannot ever imagine it will  get better as time passes. I just see what each day brings and try to go with it mainly for our Son.

The garden idea from Insanity Kate is such a lovely idea. I've been working on Roger's garden and have brought a plaque. I am trying to grow plants that meant something to Roger. He loved Red Robin, Lavender which I'm trying to save in this hot weather. It is a space in the garden, where I sit and remember. Last weekend, a robin appeared and just looked for ages. I like to think It was Roger saying hello.

I fell out with Roger's Sister at his funeral and want no more to do with them. I will just say the wrong's could never be put right. I agree with plum1972 that Nick's Father is not worth your energy. You just need to concentrate on you. I hope you have a good support network around you. I find this forum brilliant, it has helped me so much in that we all share the same sense of loss.

Thinking of you all x

Thank you roly I think you are right wherever our love ones are they must be together with the ones they know are already there.  

The firsts are just becoming harder and harder.  Fathers day had so many horrible emotions.  Now its waiting for birthdays and the first anniversary of losing him.  Even small things like last year at this time we were fine.  

Nick wanted a tree dedicated to him.  "Not some piddly little thing " he said so I need to find a way to get him a plaque on an enormous tree.

It's been 14 months for me now. And I'm just getting round to converting the back gravelled yard into a garden. Partly for the dogs who would love a grassed area and I'm separating a part at the end for a little tribute garden for my Hubby. It's taking some time ,but every chance I get ,I get out there and dig out the roots . And turn over the soil . Almost there on that part. I have an Acer to put there. My Sisters bought an Angel ornament which I will put there . along with some nice plants .  It is really upsetting coming up to the firsts after losing our loved ones. I went into depression months before just anticipating the days and even when they arrived I felt as bad as I expected. I kept thinking on the same lines..This time last year he was still with me although very ill. I never imagined I would be leaving Scotland without him. I still find it difficult to accept he's gone forever. It certainly isn't getting much easier. Although I don't seem to be having the Panic attacks as often. I'm starting talking Therapy over the phone in a few weeks. I hope it will help. I had a lovely Lady with Cruse .it just didn't last long enough. Whatever we do we can only take one day at a time and try cope in our own way . Nobody can do it for us. 

Your tribute garden sounds lovely Breton.  I love the thought of the angel and Acer trees are so delicate looking.  It'll be beautiful. 

I went to the solicitors today and really I'm no further forward.   I'm so annoyed with myself.  I think I'm just not asking the right questions. 

I think I've found a counsellor too.  Maybe it will help.  Of course really the only person  who understands is Nick and he's not here.  

• I hope it will be nice. It's not a big area at the back, but it's a challenge getting all the roots from next doors trees  . But I'll get there. So much to do indoors ,but I can't muster up the motivation to do anything about the clutter. Although this is the ideal time to do the outdoor jobs weather permitting. Good that you have found a Counsellor. Not having to pay out I hope. It does help to talk to someone neutral. I think that's why I am no further on with my grief. I can't talk to anyone else ,they don't really want to know. I hope it helps you and you have found a good one. Is your Solicitor not helping with whatever you need ? Sometimes you have to push them. I don't think they rush to complete a job. I know what you mean ...everything comes back to wanting our Special person here with us . It's so difficult being without that.