My husband passed last Saturday - I'm lost

Yes I get bereavement payment too, to be fair it was mentioned in the tell us once info I got when I registeted the death.

You do in some cases get a portion of your spouse state pension when you rretire,  if he had any additional state pension, but depends on when they retired, 2016 the rules all changed. 

Yes its tough financially, we just tried to save a bit because it always worried me if he died before I reached state pension. The house doesnt really cost that much less to run and as I dont drive, buses and taxis cost loads more than the car ever did. I find myself really carefully budgetting now, and of course people say, get out more, join this or that group, but it all costs money so I have to be selective now.

I got a letter from the DWP saying I was entitled to a percentage of David's state pension; it works out at less than a fiver a month! He had a private pension with the Pru and I'm still waiting for a payment from them after six months. You'd think they might move things along under the circumstances. 

My support has dwindled, all those who were there for us while he was ill seem to have backed off; I don't even get the odd text from some so-called friends. It really is true that you only understand this misery when you've been there.

Thanks for that PTP. 

Yes I got my bereavement allowance but you only get it a limited time (18months) it £100 a month not a kings ransome as you say but it does help to pay something. Yes we weren't exactly well off but we were comfortable and could afford our essential monthly bills no problem. For me just now it's just getting to end of every month and my priority like everyone else is to get the household bills paid any disposable income after that (if any) is a bonus. I'm lucky in a way that I don't have a mortgage we paid our mortgage off about 15 years ago so at least I can be thankful I have a roof over my head and any additional bills are just food, utilities etc always a wee silver lining somewhere. Yes I agree with you there Malengwa I get that sometimes you should join this/that but these things can cost money and you're right you need to be a wee bit more selective in what you want to do. My gym membership is only £13  a month which is affordable because I'm over 60 I get concession. But anywhere you go now seems to be money money all the time. 

My husband got told in January he was diabetic but it didn't really mpact him that much as he was kind of going off food by that time.  It is something to watch, but at the end of the day if chocolate gives you comfort for a little while then why not so long as its in moderation, that's what I'm trying to do with wine. 

It just feels like every time theres a small step forward, there's also a big step back. I was doing not bad this morning but I have just taken delivery of the urn I ordered for Jack's ashes and now I'm in pieces again. I don't know why?? I got his ashes in a cardboard box and wanted the urn but now I am struggling to look at it.

Why does life have to be so cruel to good people and other evil nasty people seem to sail through life. Our husbands and wifes didn't deserve what they went through and we didn't deserve to watch them suffer, then go through this pain.

Sorry.. rant over  

I'm the same PTP, Jack & I had that conversation, he was worried about leaving me to cope with everything on my own and that I would use alcohol as a crutch so I am trying to be mindful. It is difficult though when your whole way of life and futre plans have been taken away from you.

Take care of yourself

That is shocking on both counts! The Pru taking 6 months+ to make a payment to you and only getting less than a fiver a month, that's an insult.  I must admit it annoys me that my husband worked for 40 years and due to the changing pension ages he only got his state pension last May so he received 11 months of state pension and now it goes back to the government.  I will get some kind of payment from his private pension but I've not heard back from them yet.

It is terrible that people have to suffer the loss of their loved ones and then worry about money!! I'm 61 next month and think I'll be working until I drop.

I'm sorry you're support has dwindled, I agree it is only people who have experienced the loss of a partner that fully understand how you feel. I think others think after a few months you should get over it but it's a much longer jounrey thatn that, one I'm really not looking forward to. 

Sorry for the rant, best wishes to you x

It's terrible that People back away or disappear when something so terrible as this happens. It shows they were not true friends at all. We moved about a lot over the years. Especially after my Hubby had to retire through sick health. Amazing how some family members suddenly wanted to come visit us when we went to Spain to live which was mainly for his health. The climate made a massive difference to his health. His back wasn't quite so painful. His lungs were much improved as it was much drier. Though many people think of the weather being great all year round it isn't. The Winters are cold and wet. But as he was happier he lost a whopping 11 Stone with a better diet as well.We returned be ause I missed our Grandchildren growing up. And I wasn't happy. My Hubby's health did decline back in the UK. But he had already begun to gain more health problems before we left. We didn't make any lasting friends there. Still kept up with the same trusted friends ,Two of which have died. So now I only really have one sister and a widowed friend of 52 years who I can depend on. I walked away from the users of which we met many over the years. I find my dogs are more reliable than a lot of people. I have made a new friend of a neighbour who has been battling cancer. She's had a shit life and deserves a break now. Amazing how people who suffer the worst are the strongest. .

I remember saying to my friend who rushed to the hospital when Nick had passed away that it was so unfair it always happened to the good people.  Nick was the best husband, kind and gentle and always with me, always had my back.  He would help anyone he could.  We were loving and kind to everyone, we looked after family as best we could.

Why should he have cancer and be taken so soon.  We had a whole lifetime left together.  

Yet there are so many horrible people sailing through life and nothing affects them.  Its infuriating 

I completely agree with you.  Jack and I met late in life, he had been married previously for over 30 years and the spilt wasn't his choice, I had been in a violent relationship. We met by chance and were engaged within weeks... we just brought out the best in each other, we had lots of fun and he taught me how real men treat women.  The years with him were the happiest and most loving of my life, I've never felt so loved.  We would have been married 7 years in October, not long but we lived every day to the full, in his last couple of weeks he never said why me, he just kept saying it not fair.

Life is cruel

SpiritintheSky said:

I got a letter from the DWP saying I was entitled to a percentage of David's state pension; it works out at less than a fiver a month!

Thanks. My wife was 61 when she died (i.e. well under state pension age), and I myself will qualify for the state pension at the end of this year. I am pretty certain that I will get none of what would have been my wife's state pension - but I wanted to know for sure so, three months ago, I wrote a very detailed snailmail letter to the relevant enquiries address, asking for clarity. I have never received a reply.

A couple of weeks ago, I tried to pursue the same question via a phone call. After a very long period of waiting and getting transferred around, I was told that they couldn't tell me but that, when I start claiming the state pension, my situation would be fully assessed.

I simply wanted clarity so that I could try to do some planning. But, for now, I have given up ...

SpiritintheSky said:

He had a private pension with the Pru and I'm still waiting for a payment from them after six months.

That is totally shit - and completely unacceptable. Nothing should take six months - and a delay like that could cause some people very serious difficulties.

I would encourage you to try to chase this up, if you feel emotionally able to cope with doing so.

SpiritintheSky said:

My support has dwindled, all those who were there for us while he was ill seem to have backed off; I don't even get the odd text from some so-called friends. It really is true that you only understand this misery when you've been there.

All that rings very true, unfortunately.

All the best to everybody here.